Saturday, April 27, 2013

She knew damned well her baby was ugly.......oh, and I did get a pedicure.

 The other day I was just minding my own business, trying to get through yet another hectic day at work; when I was confronted with one of those moral dilemmas that we're all faced with from time to time.

This year one of my New Year's resolutions was to just be honest, regardless of the circumstance or situation.  Just when I think everything is going well where that is concerned. Here comes this rather "handsome woman" fresh off maternity leave sticking a picture of one of the ugliest babies I've ever seen in my life in my face. 

Then she has the utter audacity to ask "Reggie, isn't my baby adorable?!?"
So I looked at her and then I looked at that picture of her baby....and I looked at her again and I said "Well, look at the baby." She wasn't satisfied with that answer so she asked again "Reggie isn't my baby adorable?!?" So I looked at her again and then I looked at that picture of her baby and I said "My my".  She wasn't satisfied with that answer either, so she asked again "Reggie isn't my baby adorable?!?" So I looked at her and I looked at that picture and I said "What a smile!!" She wasn't satisfied with that answer either, so she asked again "Reggie isn't my baby adorable?!?"  So I looked at her and I looked at that picture again and I said "Well, maybe he'll grow up to be an athlete?!?"  At that, she stormed off......fortunately, she took that ugly ass picture with her.
Time and time again I've heard people say that there are no ugly babies.  Of course we all know that's bullshit, there are plenty of ugly babies and plenty of ugly people too.  Now the baby  I saw the other day wasn't the ugliest baby I've ever seen; but he was certainly ugly enough to scare a hungry dog off the back of a meat truck.  That was an ugly baby, all it needed was a piece of cheese or a cigar in it's little mouth.

I'm at a point in my life where lying just isn't that cute to me.  I don't want to ever lie, if you don't want to know the truth as I see it, then don't ask.  Because I'm going to tell you the truth.
Okay.....on to the next topic.

As I was saying in my last post, lately I've seen some pretty busted hooves. I know you've seen them too. The temperatures have been rising lately and I keep thinking......I need to take care of my paws and my hooves too. 
See, I think it's important for both men and women to take care of both their hands and their feet.  One of the reasons that I was attracted to my wife was because she has beautiful feet.
As a matter of fact, she was the first woman that I ever remember looking at and thinking....."she's got some really nice hooves." 

Full disclosure......I just love looking at that woman's feet!!!

 If your dogs are barking and your paws are ragged, I'd suggest you take your ass to the nearest salon and get that shit taken care of.  It is that time of year and the last thing I or anyone else wants to see is someones busted hooves.
Some of you may have noticed that I was missing in action for a few days, from this past weekend until the beginning of the week.  Well I took the wife to Myrtle Beach for a few days of rest and relaxation.  Now I'd been to Myrtle Beach a few times, once to fly to Miami and a couple of other times to go shopping.  But before this past weekend, I'd never seen the beach except when I was airborne on my way to South Beach. We had a great time and while I was there we stopped and got manicures and pedicures......that's right, Reggie will get them.  However, although I did have a manicure six months ago or so, I hadn't had a pedicure in a while.......well, to be honest, in a long damned time.  The "lady" that gave me my pedicure kept making faces while she scrubbed my heel.  She kept mumbling under her breath in her native tongue to the "lady" (who looked like a dude in drag) sitting next to her giving my wife a pedicure.  I took a picture and captured the moment for prosperity below.  I shouldn't have tipped her ass, but I did.  See, I don't hold a grudge.  Besides, she did some justice to both my paws and my hooves.
 I almost took a closer picture of my feet, but I didn't want to make any of you jealous.  After all, mine are some rather nice hooves........they are now anyway.


  1. It's so hard to be honest to a Mother about her child. You did the best you could. Especially since you were pushed.

    That poor woman at the salon, Can you imagine the things she has seen and touched?? A big tip is necessary lol.

    1. That woman knew her child was butt ugly when she asked me.

      I did tip that wench $10. I wasn't really sure what was appropriate. Hopefully that was enough.

  2. Man, why did the lady insist that you agree that the baby was adorable? LOL She's mad with you now, Reggie. LOL I used to say "oh now" but apparently people are hip that that's the code for baby not being the cutest. I haven't had to say that much anymore because I'm not really around people that have had babies.

    I'm going to get my salon spring pedi tomorrow. I bought the Emjoi Micro-Pedi from QVC and that thing is wonderful! I'm sure the pedicurist will be quite pleased that she won't have to work too hard. LOL

    1. Crystal she knew damned well that baby was ugly. Why did she want me to lie to her?!?

      Get them hooves taken care of Crystal!!!

  3. Never went to have a mani or pedi ... don't why people are so obsessed with having a stranger touch their paws and/ or hooves ... and as for ...babies ... you can't control what you'll push out ... have seen some pretty ugly ones in my courier ... and believe it or not ... the uglies sometimes turn into real beauties :)

    1. Well I don't know what any of them will turn into....but I don't think I've ever seen an ugly child turn to be beautiful.

      Really?!? You've seen butt ugly children turn into beauty queens?!?

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  5. LOL.. don't you hate hat new spam there're hitting our blogs with.
    And you don't have to be so honest... A mother baby is always cute, no matter how butt ugly it is.. lol ...

    1. That's just it 1Manview, the mother of the baby is usually ugly as hell too.

  6. The baby thing.. I just say .. ahhhhh.. so sweet ( or something like that) its true not all babies are cute, but they are beautiful.. least of all too their parents. Tell you 3 babies were the cutest I'd ever seen :) lol!!.. I was amazed to be honest.

    I've started to take better care of my feet. I began biting my fingernails again ( yes bad habit), but I'm working on stopping that now, so I bought lots of new bright and pretty nail varnish.

    Glad you had a nice time Reggie

    1. Ahhhh no Dawna, they are not all beautiful. Even some of their parents know they're ugly. Those are the people that know better than to ask.

      My two children were adorable.....and since I ain't having no more, I've decided to talk shit in this post.

      Don't bite your fingernails Dawna....that's an awful habit....though maybe not as bad as biting your toenails....that's fucking gross.

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    1. Dude next time, keep your busted ass comment to yourself.

  8. $10 tip????? Way too much for Myrtle Beach. SC charges too much for those types of services anyhow. Please tell me you got buffed and not polished. And you should have complimented the baby's outfit as soon as you realized it was ugly. Ugly babies aren't common.... But they are out there

    1. I didn't know Serenity, I just didn't want to be cheap. I really should have asked my wife how much I should tip before I tipped. I tipped the lady that did her feet $10 as well.

      I've never gone to a salon and had clear polish put on my nails.......ah, I am a straight man. We're not supposed to get polish of any kind on our nails. That's against the international man code.

      C'mon Serenity, ugly babies are quite common. I tried to be nice, I just ran out of things to say.

  9. I think you handled the baby question w/ great restraint. lol. Never had a pedi in my life... but maybe someday. Not exactly on my bucket list, tho.


    1. I'm glad to see you've returned to the blog world Moanerplicity. Yeah I thought I handled that with great restraint too....however, she didn't agree. I'm quite sure someone in her family let her know that her baby was ugly. It wasn't my day to validate anyone's interpersonal issues, so she got the short end of the stick that day.

      My wife got me in the habit of going to get a manicure/pedicure. You know how sometimes we men will sit down in the salon waiting until they're done so we can go do God knows what together? Well this one time my wife asked me to sit and get a pedicure too. I laughed....she didn't. She said she was sick and tired of me slicing up her calves with my heels. I thought she was kidding....she wasn't. So I got that first one and although I'm not going every two weeks or every month.....I figured I can get one a year.

      Get that pedicure brother and do someone's daughter a favor.

  10. Yep, some babies are a bit off, Reggie. But, just think about what they've been through being born. And, no matter how pretty the mom there is no guarantee that the baby will be cute as well. Genetics have a way of playing some serious jokes.

    I don't trust the cleanliness of those pedi-joints. So, years ago I learned to give myself mani/ pedicures. And, I save a lot of money.

    Glad you and the wife had a good time at Myrtle Beach. Although I have peoples in SC and have been a regular visitor for most of my life I have never been to Myrtle Beach. I've been to Atlantic Beach briefly though.

    1. "Yep, some babies are a bit off, Reggie. But" No ifs, ands or buts about it Val. They're not a bit off, they're butt ugly. You know this.......I know you do.

      I wonder about the cleanliness of those joints too. If I knew more I probably wouldn't ever go again. It's the same thought process of what's going on in the kitchen at your favorite restaurant. There are some things we don't want to know.

  11. Reggie, you are a fool! I can just hear you saying "my, my" goodness! She should have left well enough alone! She knew her kid was ugly, that's why she kept pressing the issue. I've never had a professional pedi. I don't like folks messing with my feet. My hooves are nice though cuz, I'm anal about having nice looking feet.

    1. Nice looking feet are essential BayouCreole. Ya know, I remember taking my daughter for her very first pedicure. It was her 10th birthday I think...or maybe she was just 9?!? She didn't want that lady to touch her feet at first either and once it started, she lay back and almost fell asleep. That day I was sitting right next to her getting my hooves done too.

  12. So I had a few thoughts during this...

    1) A dude called Blue Ivy ugly on Twitter yesterday. Not sure if his mentions have recovered yet.

    2) Honesty is always the best policy. Some people like it raw, like ODB. Why deny them their preference?

    3) When you started talking about your wife's feet, all I could think of was Boomerang.

    4) That last bit made me think of that one episode of Martin when Gina had to work in Sheneneh's shop.

    Alright, back to watching these Lakers catch this Sonnen-type beatdown.

    1. Lela Rochon is a beautiful woman and I have no idea how her feet actually look. Hopefully they went to some "stunt feet" for that scene in Boomerang.......and whenever I've seen her in a movie since then I've always thought of that scene J.A.H.

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  14. hahahahahahahahahah Your Answers Reggie..i hope u dont meet a furious mum lmao.. Honesty is good but it sure does 1 thing..hurt feelings.

    1. I don't know Didi.....what else could I have said?!?

  15. I showed my old mother a recent wedding picture of my friend and his bride. "she's very pretty, maybe a bit short. Well, at least they won't be having no ugly babies". I and my dad nodded sagely. Mother knows best.

    Handsome women are strict no-no in my family. the womenfolk always conspire to drive them out

    1. Now hang on Chrome, I think we've all got ugly family members. My brother never met an ugly woman in his life.

      I don't care for ugly women myself. They are prone to have ugly children ya know.

  16. I agree that there are ugly babies. I was pregnant at the same time as a friend and her daughter was born 6 weeks after mine. When I we; my ex and I went to see her baby, we both looked at each other like, "whoa!". I can't the baby was exactly ugly, but she wasn't cute anyway; looking more like a little old man with a big nose. We simply said, "God bless" her and managed to get by with that. Phew!!!!

    I'll be the first to admit and have done right here in your blog that while I don't have the prettiest feet; they aren't the ugliest, but their always soft and well groomed. I gave myself a pedicure recently and my feet thanked me for the time and attention I gave them. I"m ready for sandal season!

    1. Yeah I'm writing that one down BluJewel. Maybe next time I'll just say "God bless" him or her.

      Yeah, that coupled with a smiling face might do it.

      So you've got ugly feet BluJewel?!? You should write a post about your hooves and post a picture too. Are you sure you're ready for sandal season?!?

  17. I seriously just laughed out loud so hard. Thanks for the laugh! Gotta love a woman with pretty feet! I thank god I have nice feet. LOL

    1. Erica beautiful feet are essential for me. I can't imagine my wife not having beautiful feet though. I don't even want to think about that.

    2. LOL! You sound like some of my instagram followers!!

    3. I don't want to sound like Eddie Murphy's character in Boomerang, but..........

      Ugly hooves would have been a deal breaker for me.

  18. Replies
    1. Yeah but Gaytkeeper, what should we do.......just lie?!?

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  20. My sister's got two ugly a** babies..... I haven't told her that and I don't think I would, but damn.... They ugly. When I get asked to comment on an ugly baby, especially when their parent should know good and well their baby is ugly and they shouldn't be askin' other folks for their opinion, I just act like I didn't hear the question. If I gotta walk off mid-sentence as if my hearing aid just died, I'll do it. I hate to lie and I don't feel it's right to have to lie to someone to make them feel better 'bout their ugly a** baby, so I'll just pretend I'm deaf.

    1. Thank you for being honest LakiSwirl. The truth is, we've all got ugly ass family. It is what it is.

      I like the deaf thing LakiSwirl....I really like that. But....when you've been handed the picture and caught off guard, it's in your hand already. What are ya gonna do?!?

      Going forward, maybe I'll tell them I'm deaf and dumb too.

    2. I just died! I got my laugh of the day!

  21. "Cute" is always a good word. Puppies, baby elephants and even baby monkeys can be 'cute'.
    Man, I pre-predi for my pedi.

    1. Dude cute doesn't even begin to describe what I saw on that picture. Let me see, what might be appropriate?!? What about appalling, awful, bad-looking, beastly, deformed, disfigured, foul, frightful, grisly, gross, grotesque, hard-featured, hideous, homely, horrid, ill-favored, loathsome, misshapen, monstrous, not much to look at, not even plain, repelling, repugnant, repulsive, revolting, unbeautiful, uncomely, uninviting, unlovely, unprepossessing, unseemly or perhaps unsightly. But certainly not cute John.

  22. I've seen some pretty ugly babies myself but I think people know better than to ask me anything they don't want to hear the truth about. I typically tell people with ugly babies, " Most babies don't look like anything for the 1st few weeks" which is only a half truth lol.

    I need to go get myself a pedicure. the ones ive been giving myself aren't really cutting it for me anymore.

    1. That's me too Ms. Krissy because I will keep it real. Don't ask and I won't tell.

      You've gotta take proper care of those hooves Ms. Krissy.

  23. blessings....
    Ah reggie, what is to become of you?
    so judgmental!
    Leave the people and their hooov....ah feet nah.

    1. Now come on Rhapsody. Are you gonna tell me that you haven't seen any ugly babies or busted hooves?!?

  24. I have a confession...I was not a cute baby and I was bald. I am absolutely gorgeous with hair down my back now ;) but I was not a cute baby. So it can happen. *grins*

    That said

    Glad you got them hooves done. LOL! This just happens to be beauty weekend so I get mine done too YAY!

    1. Some bald babies are gorgeous, it's all about the little face. But it's nice to hear someone acknowledge they were happens.

      The truth is that many of us were ugly......and some of us still are Gorgeous Puddin'. It is what it is.

      Go ahead and get them hooves done!!!

  25. Reggie,
    Man you are a damn fool. but there are some ugly (bless their little hearts)babies out there. But all babies are cute in their own way. Just being a baby makes up for the ugliness. and I apologize for not commenting here in a while. With the move up here to WA, I really ain't had time to do shit. And besides that my new bosses expected me to hit the door running, and that is exactly what I been doing. but now that I'm pretty much settled into a little groove...i'll stop by more often.

    1. Cute in their own way?!? I think not Dirty Red, some of them are downright funny looking and others, flat out ugly.

      No apologies necessary my brother. There are weeks that I don't sign into Blogger until the happens.

  26. You have me cracking up...In a mother's eyes her child is always adorable but a good way to get around that uncomfortable situation is to compliment one of the baby's features like "oh look at those beautiful eyes! Wow he/she definitely takes after you...(big smile) then quickly walk away lol

    1. But Linda what if the baby was cockeyed?!? Back when I was a college student, I used to know this cockeyed girl who had a cockeyed baby. Interestingly enough, she was kinda cute...her baby was butt ugly though.

  27. LMAO hahahaha Reggie I love the pictures oh my goodness! I have seen babies that made me think yikes. Subconciously I think there is a fundamental reason we specifically choose partners who are asthetically pleasing to the eyes. Its all about preserving the gene pool.

    Hope you enjoyed your trip. Glad to see you are not adverse to pampering yourself.

    1. The truth is BareFoot Countessa that I always enjoy finding pictures for my posts. Sometimes those pictures find me though.

      There are men out there that just love ugly women and beautiful women that just love ugly men. Surely we've all seen couples like that before.

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