Monday, April 8, 2013

She's wrong for that!!!

 Holiday Heart was at it again today at the job.

...and before you say..."Hey Reggie you're foul, stop making fun of the office tranny."  I'm not, it's a woman, she just happens to look like Ving Rhames with a wig on....and that's on her best day.
She's a really nice person, she just doesn't think that her appearance is particularly important.  That's why she walks around with that wig on that couldn't be move obvious if it came with a chinstrap, that's forever tilted to the side so often that I constantly want to reach up and straighten it out for her. What's really a shame and a scandal though are those crusty hooves she's quick to air out in those open toed shoes that have NEVER EVER had a pedicure.

Sure it was hot today, 80 degrees...but even that isn't a reason for her to have those dogs proudly out and barking.
 Would it really hurt her to get a pedicure?!?
Okay before you go off, I realize that many many many people never get a pedicure....and that's fine, provided you take care of your own hooves.  But even I will get one at least once a year.  I don't want to walk around looking like I've got corn shucks on my heels. it really necessary for her to walk around with those crusty hooves that look like she walked through flour with dirt under her toenails?!?  She's got so much dirt under those toenails that you could probably grow potatoes under there.
I mean, human feet aren't supposed to look like hers look.  Someone I know needs to do better.
I'm just saying..........


  1. Hey Reggie..I was just drinking my morning cup of tea.. I had to look away at that picture. You growing rather found of that lady deep down huh...

    1. She's really really nice Dawna. I don't know anyone who doesn't like her. What she really needs is a girlfriend to take her to a day spa.

  2. You've spoken about this subject quite a few times...might you summon the strength to tactfully tell her since so many other people apparently can't? Then again, if she doesn't care about her appearance, I guess it probably wouldn't matter.

    That last picture is utterly gross. Oh gosh!

    1. Crystal she and I aren't close enough to have the direct conversation that she clearly needs.

      By the way, her feet look almost as good as that last picture.......almost anyway.

  3. Just hand her a belt sander and a tub of Crisco.

    1. That's not gonna help brother, she might need surgery. This just isn't a simple fix.

  4. Reggie I sense you have great tactile diplomacy so I think she would probably appreciate a quiet word about her presentation.......those toe nails at the end scared me enough to book my a pampering session oh my dayzzzzzz

    1. BareFoot Countessa my brother was born with all the tact, charm and charisma in our family. I was born with the antidote.

  5. Replies
    1. Yeah and that's just from imagining it Gaytkeeper. It's far worse when you have to actually lay eyes on the shit.

  6. Reggie c'mon now, you gotta help her! :)

    Does the office have like a 'secret Santa' thing, because you could get her one of those little pedicure gift bags with all the nail files, trimmers and lotions etc. even if she's not your secret recipient, you do it anonymously so no one will know it was you!

    But that's too far off. Gotta do it now!

    Or just leave one on her desk when no one is looking! Make sure no one sees you though!

    Reggie, I DARE you! I DOUBLE DARE you!! I TRIPLE DARE you!!!!

    And take a pic of the little bag on the desk and post it here!

    C''mon Reg! Pleeeeeeeeeeeaaaase! Say you'll do it, lets have some fun!

    1. Help her?!? I can't help her DesertFlower. That woman needs Jesus and a few visits to an experienced podiatrist, coupled with a progressive treatment regimen from a damned confident pedicurist.

      I don't know if you've checked your calendar, but Christmas was four months ago and her birthday was in February. Nah that ship has sailed for 2013.

      I don't know what I'd leave at her desk, other than two brand new feet.

      I don't, I can'

    2. Awwww c'mon Reg! Mother's Day is right around the corner! There's your golden opportunity to do a good deed;) I've seen those kits at Walgreen and Walmart for like under ten bucks! Do y'all have office mailboxes? Oh heck just drop it on the floor!
      Somebodys bound to pick it up and give it to her!

    3. Hmmmmph!!

      She's not my mom DesertFlower.

    4. Lol oh no Reggie I know she's a co worker! I just meant how here on Mothers Day it's the custom to give the women in the office small gifts or flowers and such, I'm thinking it's the same in the states that's why I said that. It's also done on Valentines day and to the men on Fathers Day.

    5. Nah we don't do that DesertFlower.....or maybe it's just that I don't do that?!?

      Anything is possible I suppose. She's good people, but she's got some jacked up hooves.

  7. For real Reggie, I'm serious.

    1. For real DesertFlower I'm serious too. I'm not gonna touch that with a ten foot pole.

  8. "...couldn't be more obvious if it came with a chinstrap..."

    Lol! I can actually imagine seeing some woman with a chinstrap attached to her wig.

    1. Val she really should just go ahead and go with that's not as if she doesn't already have it. I don't hate on any woman for wearing a wig or having extension or whatever the hell they've got......but please make sure the shit at least looks right, if not real.

      I do not understand men that go with hair pieces, but the ladies can have at it. There is a man in my office with a hair piece that looks like a beaver pelt.

  9. OMG ... where do you get this pic from, Mr R ...

    1. While I couldn't sit through all of Holiday Heart, I clearly remember that image of Ving Rhames and it cracked me up. Now the picture of the busted hoof......I found that through Google years ago and I've been using it ever since.

  10. You and these pictures....cracking me up. Has anyone just handed her some lotion and some nail clippers? Maybe not; that would probably be too obvious.

    Nice to see you writing again. By the way, I see you are a fan of poetry. If you get a chance, take a peek at A Queen's Ramblings ( I'm participating in the 30 Day Poetry Challenge along with Kween.

    1. That wouldn't help No Labels. She really needs a good friend to pull her aside and take her on a "girls outing" or call it what you will. As long as they end up at someone's nail salon, she'll be alright.

    2. lol...I understand. Is anyone willing to befriend her or is she the type that rubs people the wrong way to the point where she is "friendless"?

    3. She has her moments, that's for damned sure!!!

  11. There are some people who will never see anything until someone comes along and slaps them in the face with it.

    You need to man up and tell the Mrs. to straighten her wig and fix or quarantine her feet and anything else in between those 2 areas. Sure she may hate you for the rest of her natural born days, but you don't have a relationship going on anyway.

    If she gets it she'll never forget it as a lesson in life and if she doesn't then you might have to push for the office policy we have, No Opened Toed shit for Anyone!

    1. Brother Curious you must want me to die?!? That woman would tilt her wig to the side, kick off her shoes and beat my ass all over that office!!!

      You know you don't poke the bear in the cage.

  12. Thank you for a much needed laugh! That poor woman must have given up on herself years ago. Where are her friends?!?

    1. Not at all Mlvlatina.....this post is as serious as a bunion....or at least a few corns.

  13. She sounds like someone who is OK with their skin, so provoking her would get your butt licked, Plus in trouble with the you should be sensitive people at work.. Damed if you do, damed if you don't...

    1. Yeah we've got plenty of the sensitive types in the office 1manview; and you know me......Mr. No Tact At All.

      I'm a heartbeat away from forever offending someone.

  14. lol! when will these handsome women learn? if it ain't going on in the face department then you damn well make sure everything else is tip top.

  15. LOL @ her wig being side-ways...What, you didn't know that was a style? That's hot on the streets LOL
    Um Ew @ those feet...well so much for dinner thanks...
    I remember some time ago there was a woman in parent-group that wore some sandals and her feet were like WOW...I try not to stare at people and I definitely did not want to stare at her feet but I had to look again because perhaps my eyes or glasses were playing tricks on me... Maybe she had a condition or something but she sure did wear them open-feet sandals...*queasy*

    1. I'm telling you Linda that if you stared at her feet too long you'd rip your eyeballs outta their sockets and jump up and down on them.

  16. thats sad even if she dont go to the salon or shop she should care for her feet and wash them dogs...yuck

    1. If you could only see those hooves is sad.

  17. OH Lawd! I don't know how you found me but I am so glad you did! My day started off a little gloomy with OPD (other people's drama) but your quick wit just brightened my day! And for the record, we get pedis all year round up here, no man wants crusty toes rubbing up against them in the middle of the night!

  18. Reg, she sounds like a hot ass mess! Now, I don't go out for pedicures BUT my feet are soft and cute! Hey, you're not asking for pictures of feet again are you? No, I'm not offering my feet up! LOL

    1. She's a really nice person BayouCreole, she's just got some issues.

      Oh no, I learned my lesson last time about asking for pictures of yall's feet. I won't be making that mistake again anytime soon. Yes indeed, you ladies are very very fussy about those hooves of yours.

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  21. I don't know where you work, but appearance is increasing in importance in many fields. You almost have to be some kind of hard scientist for it to not matter at all. That's not even getting into how people who look better are treated better in almost all aspects of society. Maybe she needs a reminder.

    1. I would agree that more attractive people are treated better in society J.A.H. But regardless, she can't polish a turd. She could dress it up a little bit, but it would be a dressed up turd.

      I will tell you something more....offices are dressing down more now, than 25 years ago. I think most older people will tell you that. There was a time when every man wore a tie damned near every day, those days are gone. I don't know that they'll ever come back either.

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  29. The visual!!! Hahahahhaha! Her hair hat and her feet! NO! NO! NO! You should have gifted her a pedicure for Administrative day.

    1. If you could only see her Gorgeous Puddin'. I actually got a pedicure myself last weekend, that's going to be the topic of my next post as soon as I get off my lazy ass and write it.

    2. I'm definitely interested in knowing more about your pedicure! I love pedicures! Feet maintenance is a must for everyone, but especially women so I don't understand women with hooves lol

    3. P.S. your responses to Anonymous are HILARIOUS!!

    4. I always enjoy getting pedicures Gorgeous Puddin', but I always did, ever since my wife first encouraged me to get one.

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  31. Blessings....
    You are not right.
    If you doing all that observing what work is getting done?
    Why not find a medi/pedi special with coupons and bring copies in for everyone (so she wouldn't get singled out) and promote somebody's business perhaps she may give it a whirl.

    and reggie....
    get back to work!

    have a blessed one

    1. Now hold up !!!

      Work is definitely getting done, it's just being done with a screw face due to those woeful hooves of hers.

      .....and it's far more fun to just talk about her ass rather than to give her some damned coupons. Though I must admit, if I owned a nail salon I probably would drop a handful of half off coupons on her desk.

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