Friday, November 30, 2012

Please leave my penis alone & my brother's milestone.




It seems that once or twice a week, I end up getting an email promising to enlarge my penis. Why would anyone I've never met before be concerned about the size of my penis? As if I asked someone to send me these emails in the first damned place.

Hey....just send these emails to the "little guys", I'm sure they want them......I don't.
 
I'm not trying to make fun of anyone; least of all, my "little brothers" out there. I'm just trying to understand why I get so many emails offering to enlarge my penis.   Is there really that much money in that?!? While I realize that's a problem for some people, that's just not a problem for me...........I'm good.
Why do I get these emails?!? And yes, I'm sick and tired of getting them. I'm sure I signed into some website....frequented by men with small penises. Or maybe it's because my email name has a male name in it?!? I mean Reggie/Reginald is clearly a man's name. Maybe that is why I get these stupid emails?!? Does anyone else reading this ever get them?!?
Seriously, what type of man actually responds to these emails?!?

By the way, I took some time to look up some "little man" jokes.....

Your dick's so small, you could use a thimble and fishing line for a thong.
Your dick's so small, it looks like one of the California raisins.
Your dick's so small, a cop frisks you and asks, "Sex change?"
Your dick's so small, the doctor wasn't quite sure what you were when you were born.
Your dick's so small, sperm's a tight squeeze.

Yeah I know that was mean right?!? No offense to my "lil brothers" out there.


Do women get emails offering to enlarge their breasts?!?
Oh and one more thing......my older brother Kyle will be celebrating his 50th birthday on January 1st 2013. That's a milestone birthday, of course, and I'd like to give my brother something nice for his birthday.

I just don't know what to get him.

What do you give someone who turns 50?!?  A nice gift, something they'll remember.....without necessarily breaking the bank.

Not that I want to be cheap about it, my brother (my only brother) will only turn 50 once.

My brother and I are as different as night and day. We're probably about as different as two brothers could be and still have the same blood running through their veins.

Let me give you a little background on him....

He's a truck driver, he's served in the United States Air Force, he's short and muscular while I'm tall and of a fairly thin build, he's the father of at least 5 children (that I know of), he's been married and divorced 5 times (that I know of), he's never met an ugly woman in his life, he lets both his beard hair (yeah he's got one) and the hair on his head grow long (sometimes he sports that Jesus-esque look) and he takes a bath once a week whether he needs one or not.

Of course, he's my big brother and I love the guy dearly, despite our many differences. I'm just at a loss as to a birthday gift for him. Tell me, what do you give your brother (that's like my brother) for their 50th birthday?!?

I'm serious....I'm looking for some ideas.



 


 
 

96 comments:

  1. He's a truck driver so give him something truck driverish. I assume that there are all sorts of gadgets and stuff for truck drivers. Just google 'gifts for truck drivers' and see what pops up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know I did like that idea Val, so I Googled it....and found a whole lotta nothing.

      Still it was a good idea.

      Delete
    2. Does he have satellite radio? If I was a truck driver I'd definitely want that.

      Delete
    3. Not a music fan?! How can a person not like music? That does not compute.

      Anyway, Satellite radio has dozens, if not hundreds, of talk shows about all sorts of things, Reggie. And I'm not just talking about those crazy political ones either.

      Does he like talk radio?

      Delete
    4. Val I haven't heard him listen to music since Parliment Funkadelic......and that's been awhile ago.

      Delete
  2. Maybe an engraved silver flask of some kind ( too boring?) sounds interesting your brother.. hope he has a nice b'day

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm not so sure he drinks anymore.....though there was a time.

      I hope he has a very nice birthday too.

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
  4. I get those small penis emails all the time. Between those and notes from Nigerian princes offering me millions of dollars, I rarely look in my spam folder.

    As for a birthday gift for your brother, I'd give him the gift of time. Maybe the two of you go out to dinner and a movie?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah what's up with that Mlvlatina. I'm always getting offers to come to Nigeria to pick up my 100,000,000 in pound sterling......what is that about?!?

      If I can only make a "small deposit" of say 1,000 pounds, I can get my 100,000,000 pounds. What type of idiot falls for that?!?

      Delete
    2. I subscribe to the FTC info board and a lot of people are still falling for this. Smh.

      Delete
    3. Greed.......it's just greed and stupidity.

      Delete
  5. Your description of your brother was hilarious sir!! I'm not sure on suggestions besides not being cheap. He is only turning 50 once and I hear that's the golden one so maybe a really nice expensive gold watch.

    It's hilarious that the internet is concerned about your penis size. The internet wants me to date Jewish men. I'm bombarded with J-date emails everyday Booo! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gorgeous Puddin I actually held back on my brother. After all, I do love him and all that. I didn't want to be unnecessarily mean.

      Why does the Internet care about my penis size?!? I mean....I don't get it.

      I don't get emails about Jewish women, but I do get emails asking me if I want a hot MILF. The Internet is in desperate need of an enema.

      Delete
  6. Junk mail...been getting quite a few lately to a plethora of very annoying requests including the we can increase your earning potential nonsense sign up here. Really?? if that were the case your email wouldnt be ending up in
    the junk box now would it!

    Served in the air force very cool stuff....OK Reggie your brother must have a pretty healthy ticker so for a present am thinking a sky dive (indoors)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I get the ones about increasing my earning potential too; those and the ones about my making tens of thousands of dollars a year working from home.

      Those are almost as bad as the ones from Nigeria telling me that I am the hire to 100,000,000 pounds.

      I don't know that he'd want to skydive....but maybe he would?

      Delete
  7. Well I'm guessing that your blog title alone will get someone to open this blog post. LOL Sadly, I'll bet somebody somewhere will open a junk mail suggesting they can take something to help with penis enlargement and actually buy it. LOL

    As for your brother and your description of him, what about a nice cologne/bath set or hair clippers & beard trimmers (you know to tighten up his appearance). Since it's obvious he loves the ladies, maybe some nice smell goods or grooming kit might help him land the 6th lucky lady. Hell, I don't know what to tell you to get him - it doesn't seem that appearance matters. LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Okay okay, guilty as charged Crystal, some of my posts do have provocative titles....for that very reason. Sadly I'm thinking that there are men out there Crystal that do just that.

      Crystal I really like that idea. Today while I was out and about getting some exercise I was thinking of getting him one of those old style shaving sets complete with the straight razor.

      Yeah I really like that idea........thanks.

      You're right though, he really doesn't care about his appearance. That's just not high on his list of priorities.

      Delete
    2. You're welcome. :) Hope he doesn't get offended. LOL

      Delete
    3. I'm still not certain what I will get him, but regardless, I hope he doesn't get offended too Crystal.

      Delete
  8. Not to worry, Reggie, women get the same emails...lol

    LOL @ your description of your brother.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You get those email offers because you frequent PORN SITES. Pure and simple.

    ReplyDelete
  10. recently got an enlarge penis email, something to do with an insert-and-pump-instant-erection contraption. doubtful but looked interesting.

    happy 50th in advance to your brother! put some money in with the card, tell him to get something nice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sounds like a damned vacuum cleaner Chrome.

      Maybe that's the thing to do Chrome?!? I wanted to personalize it though....I still want to.

      Delete
  11. I'm bombarded with the penis e-mails myself, although I am female. I also get the ones for Viagra and breast enhancement surgery, which (unless you haven't seen me type of talk about my breasts), I definitely don't need.

    I think that if it's too difficult to get a present, just give him some and tell him to spend it on something nice for his birthday. Let us know what you decide to do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess you've just hit the nail on the head as to the difference between men and women where size is concerned. Women will occasionally complain about having breasts too large. Men rarely complain about a woman's breasts being too big and they never complain about their penis if they think it's too large.

      Delete
  12. If your brother likes sports and lives in a city with a decent team, you could get him season tickets or something. If he - or you - would rather something more tangible, you could go for some tech gift like a decent Blu-ray player and some movies (there's a certain trilogy coming out tomorrow that I'm a particular fan of).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah J.A.H., there are no big league teams where we're from. We're from Bumfuck, Alabama.

      Oh he's definitely a big fan of movies J.A.H. and in some of those movies the women even keep their clothes on.

      Delete
  13. Reg, I'm sorry but, I haven't the foggiest idea what you should get your brother. I'll be turning 50 in July and I don't know what people should get ME...lol. The cologne gift set sounds nice though...and money is always a welcomed gift.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I like $$$ too BayouCreole, but I would like to give him something more personal than that. The fact is that I haven't gotten him anything in years. When you turn 50 your birthday gift should be special.

      Delete
    2. When my bros was turning 40 I called his ass up, "brethren you big kid, what you want for your birthday?". to my damn surprise he had a secret wish list. Got him a Samsung tablet in the end

      Delete
    3. .....ask and ye shall receive ehh Chrome?!?

      Delete
  14. i dunno what you should get him...i would not suggest a penis enlargement though...those things should be chosen yourself...from email...ha...ugh, yep i get several a day...i wonder what they know to think i have such a need...smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I think my brother's good Brian, after all, he and I are related.

      Delete
  15. When I was younger I used to think someone must not have been satisfied with me and put my name down on some website somewhere for enhancement techniques. Now I don't take it personally and just try to update my spam filters.

    As for your brother, I'm reminded of when Anthony Hopkins said to someone in the movie Amistad about a slave, "What's his story?" Fuck the beaded car seat covers or pine scented card shit that people hang from their rear view mirrors. So he's a short 50 year old muscular truck driver with wild hair, but that's not who he is. That's just the cliché. What's his story?

    Think about it, you know it and you'll know what to get when you do.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On a lighter note, matching titty tats? Killing two birds with one stone there.

      Delete
    2. Maybe that's the problem Curious, I never update my spam filters.

      I'm gonna put some more thought into it Curious.

      Delete
  16. For my 50th birthday, I received nothing from my family ( as usual), so I got myself the trip to Paris. What's his favorite thing to drink? Get him a bottle of that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Initially I was thinking of getting him a 50 year old scotch Daij.....but then I saw how much it would cost. I would have come out better sending him to Paris too.

      Delete
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  18. Reggie, i get the enlargement emails too!!! LOL!
    But I think it's because, well,in my case anyway, I've visited (in the distant past of course) a couple of shameonmepornosites. and I think that's why..not sure, but I can't think of any other reason...;p

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmmmm maybe that's it?!? Maybe people that visit porn sites have notoriously small penises?!?

      Delete
  19. Hahaha!I dunno,or that any women on there are in need of an enhancer for their man? So they attach those spybots and start bombarding with ads.lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pathetic huh?!?

      Regardless, I'm sick and tired of receiving those damned emails. I'm gonna start going into all of them and unsubscribing.......they're driving me nuts!!!

      Delete
  20. Hahaha! Not me, I just 'check all and delete';p

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sooo I haven''t seen a small penis since high school, you don't run across those as often as men would think. Most men are close to the same size as each other but anyways...was dating dude, we're messing around the other day, high school stuff and there it wasn't. I couldn't believe how small it was, I thought I was above that type of shallowness but there is no way in hell I can be with a guy that has a little penis! I'm 26 I need you to have a grown up dick, I feel bad for him, forward him one of those emails...but there is someone that will love his little thing.

    Also I think it's funny you have a post about little dicks and mention your brother in the same post lol.

    www.notacookie.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well damn!!!

      I'm sure would have frowned up as well at that last sentence.

      In any case, I ended up getting him a shaving kit, complete with straight razor and sharpening strap. He hasn't seen it yet since he's a truck driver and he's on the road. I hope he likes it.

      Delete
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  25. Replies
    1. I hope so, he said he did. He said it's what he's always wanted.

      Delete
  26. Also... Happy belated birthday to you Reggie. :-)

    Did your brother get you something nice as well?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, no he didn't, not this year. I can wait until I turn 50 in a couple of years for him to get me something though.

      Delete
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