White Trash Christmas

I hate Christmas. You know why?!? Because it's so commercialized and during this time of the year, the worst in people comes out (this blog for example).  Each year I seem to end up buying a bunch of gifts for people that I really don't even like.  Truth be told, I even hate sending Christmas cards. During this time of the year I'm expected to say "Happy Holidays", "Merry Christmas", "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Chaka Khan" to people that I'd much rather tell to fuck off. And not only that, each year we're all inundated with images of shit on television and on the Internet that major corporations have decided are "must have" items for that particular holiday season.  And while I don't necessarily yield to the peer pressures of buying all the electronic crap that I simply "must have" and can't supposedly live without, I don't like being "pressured" to do so.

 This past week on Thanksgiving Day, I decided to take advantage of the 75 degree temperatures here in South Carolina by getting some exercise.  For those of you that don't know, I like to walk around my neighborhood and get as much exercise as I can.  I'm trying to eat healthy and maintain a somewhat active lifestyle.  I ate so much on Thanksgiving Day I felt like I should have been stuffed on someones table with an apple in my mouth.  Anyway, before I stuffed myself silly; while I was out and about in my neighborhood, I noticed one of my neighbors putting up Christmas decorations.  He lives a few doors down from me and he's a friendly enough guy. Sure he's missing a couple of teeth; but I'm sure that just means he doesn't have to buy as much toothpaste as the rest of us. He was lining his driveway with these big plastic candy canes and he'd already hung what looked to be thousands of Christmas lights all the way around his house and all over his yard. He had boxes and boxes of what appeared to be oversized Christmas ornaments stacked neatly in his driveway. He put up a huge red and green merry go round in the middle of his yard.  He also had displays of Santa Claus and his reindeer and a few large plastic snowmen in his yard as well.  As a matter of fact, he had so much shit in his yard, it looked like a forest of cheap holiday decorations or the makings of a yard sale in the north pole.  So I walked by my neighbors Christmas shrine and went for an extended walk.  I wanted to take a picture of it with my cellphone, but I didn't want to be too obvious. I actually ended up walking to a grocery store. It was about 4 miles from my house and when I went I picked up some last minute ingredients for my wife to use in making our Thanksgiving dinner. I was able to kill two birds with one stone with that walk, because I needed to pick that stuff up and I needed the exercise too.  When I did walk home, a couple of hours later, my neighbor was still decorating his house and yard.  As a matter of fact, he spent the entire day doing that.

 My neighbor put up so many lights, at night his house could be mistaken for an airport, complete with runway and landing lights. As a matter of fact, if his neighbors shut off all their lights at night; they can probably read in their homes by the tacky ass lights he put up in his yard.  Seriously, dude went a bit overboard.

 Mind you, I don't want to be mean.  But let's be honest, I've never been a person accused of saying too little anyway.  My neighbor is a classic example of southern white trash. I've seen yards like his time and time again. I have no doubt that he probably has relatives in the Appalachians, the kind of people immortalized in the classic movie "Deliverance".  He and his wife look so much alike, they could be brother and sister....or at least cousins. They're the type of people that if four of them are standing together, they don't have a full set of teeth between them.  You know, some of Jeff Foxworthy's folks.  Honestly, I probably have just as many white trash friends as I have ghetto friends.  They're good people for the most part......for the most part anyway.

You know what really annoys me about my white trash neighbors?!? They're gonna leave those decorations up until February.  Goddamn them!!!

Who is Santa anyway?!? Some fat old drunken moonshining redneck?!? Do you think he over decorates his home too?!? I swear I hate Christmas!!!

Oh yeah, bah humbug!!!