Sunday, October 31, 2010

Quality time

A couple of decades ago when I was an undergrad at Alabama State University, my father sat me down for a heart to heart conversation. At that time, he voiced his concerns over some of the decisions I'd made and the direction that my life might take as a result of those decisions. It wasn't the only heart to heart conversation we had, but it's one that I've clearly remembered through the years.
My father wasn't a particularly sensitive man. He wasn't the type of person to talk about his feelings and he had an old school view to life. The way my father saw it, men were men and women were women and we all had roles to play in the scheme of things. My father actually worked in Montgomery where I went to school, so he asked me to meet him at his office. When he saw me, he took one look at my hands and asked me if I had taken leave of my senses.
You see my girlfriend at the time was a cosmetologist and on a regular basis she cut my hair, gave me facials, gave me pedicures and she routinely filed and painted my fingernails with a clear polish.
One of the men that my father worked with saw what transpired and overheard what my father said to me and he asked my father what would he do if I was gay. My father looked him dead in the eye and said "I'd shoot him". The man laughed, but I looked at him and without cracking a smile told him "he wasn't joking, he was serious".
Fast forward to the present. Earlier today I had lunch with my son, Reggie Jr. He came home from school this weekend because I summoned him home. I say summoned him, because when I asked him to come home last week, he made a lame excuse for not being able to come. He knew very well that I was very very upset over some of his recent decisions and concerned about the direction that his life might take as a result of those decisions. So as a consequence of all of that, I insisted that he come home.....thus the summons. As I said, I took my son to lunch today and when I did I let my son pick the place, he chose Hooters. It's not the first time he and I have eaten there together, it's probably the third or fourth time. Truth be told, he likes chicken and ( @ )( @ ) just as much as I do. The conversation that we had today wasn't particularly pleasant, but it's a conversation that I believe was most necessary.
Sometimes fathers and sons need to sit down and have a conversation. Some of those conversations are going to be pleasant and some of them are going to be fierce. There's nothing wrong with a man having a fierce conversation with his son; as a matter of fact, it's essential to a young man's life. I would hope that the conversation my son and I had today will stay with him for the rest of his life.

53 comments:

  1. You're right, Reggie. It's the conversations that make you feel like there's a lump in your throat that come from a place of love and concern. They're definitely not the easiest things to discuss but vital to shaping the lives of those you love. I totally agree that more men, (that includes brothers, cousins, uncles, etc.) take the time for the heart-to-heart guidance all young men need.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Reggie, I love your blog and read it all the time. What I enjoy the most is when you make reference about advice, stories, quotes or humorous saying your father told you. He sounds like a wise and wonderful man. One day your son will tell his children or the world about the things his pops use to tell him.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Agreed CurvyGurl.

    It was a very difficult conversation and I must admit that I lost my temper three or four times doing our comversation.

    Although we have these heart to hearts at least a couple of times a year, I can't remember having one where I was so upset with him.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Queen of Hearts the older I get, the smarter my father becomes. He and I had a few conversations that I wouldn't want anyone to have overheard.....and I'm still not sure we should have had; but hey, he was my father so I owed it to myself to listen.

    He's been gone for 17 years now. I would do almost anything to have the opportunity to sit down and talk to him for just a few minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love no-nonsense men, fathers who instruct. Our sons, brothers, need that.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I often think when I had to make difficult decisons how easy some would had been if I had learned how from my father.
    But I came to understand he couldn't give what he didn't have.
    I appluad you and your father.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I remember when me n pops had our first heart let just say it was similiar 2 u and urs. I felt alil insulted at the time, but as a man i def can understand now. They have a method 2 there the madness that transcends the topic and it's pivitol in the role we take as we become fathers....my case I dn't have sons, I hav daughters, but the much needed heart to heart will be coming soon. Thanks 4 sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  8. So, I'm guessing the MEAT of the conversation WASN'T about (@X@)s....

    ReplyDelete
  9. We all need some instruction sometimes MizRepresent.

    ReplyDelete
  10. BigMac I'd always thought of my father and I as being about as different as night and day; and yet, the older I get the more I become like him.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Whatever was said or stressed in that convo, the important thing is that you had that time together in the form of a man-to-man, one-on-one conference (meeting of the minds), & the fellowship that comes from it is probably something he will never forget. Props to you.


    One.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Champ I've had a couple of heart to hearts with my daughter too. She's 19 and she's quite a handful.

    Both of my children are college students. My son is 18 months older than my daughter and they're very different people. I love them both dearly, but it's not possible to treat them both the same, because they're not the same. But they both get the same level of love and they both get the same personal attention that a parent should give their child.

    ReplyDelete
  13. No Heff ( @ )( @ ) were not the main topic of conversation; however, there were plenty there.

    The first time I took him to a Hooters, it was the same one. The difference in then, a few years ago and now is that he wasn't looking around yesterday like he was watching a tennis match, like he did the first time.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yes indeed Moanerplicity, sometimes the topic doesn't matter, provided the conversation between a father and son or a parent and their child takes place.

    A few weeks ago I picked up my daughter from school. I live about an hour and a half from the campus. We actually spent more time talking in the three hours it took to go there and back than we did for the few days she was home. Even that time was good quality time.

    ReplyDelete
  15. SO... YOU KNOW IM NOT ONE TO BEAT AROUND THE BUSH REGGIE.... SPILL IT ALREADY!! ?

    WHAT WAS THE TALK ABOUT? LOL

    WERE HIS NAILS PAINTED?

    ReplyDelete
  16. His nails weren't painted....if he read that he'd probably make a very funny face. He doesn't have those types of issues Michelle. But you have to understand that when a father and son talks, it's supposed to always be between the two of them.

    ReplyDelete
  17. i see... well... im sure he'll come around reggie... after all... he comes from good people who love him.

    i know his father, and he is a great man!

    ;)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yea, those talks and time spent is sooo needed....I wish more sons had fathers to show them the way...

    ReplyDelete
  19. That is soo true. Especially at the place that you and your son can have a serious common bond.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Agreeing with JStar...
    My husband and son have those types of conversations as well. I don't ask and they don't tell. It's a man thang...I get that.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thank you Michelle and yeah, we had a good conversation.

    ReplyDelete
  22. JStar I really don't understand the type of man that wouldn't want to constantly communicate with his children.

    Children don't ask to come here, they're usually a byproduct of their parent's lust. We owe them our all. My son is a junior, he represents me and I want everyone to know that he is my son. I love him dearly and I owe him my love, respect and time.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Smoking Ace our bond started the day he was born when they wiped him off and handed him to me.

    A tear fell out of my eye the very first time I laid eyes on him and I'd be lying if I said that tears haven't fallen since then when I think of him occasionally.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I will tell you this BayouCreole. My wife and I had a long discussion before I spoke with my son. She wasn't there, but she might as well have been.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Okay, Reggie...you taught me a new one with the "( @ )( @ )" LOL!

    I appreciated this post so much. The 3 generation reference and how tight it all seems/seemed (may your father rest in peace). I often wonder how different my life would have been if my father had been here to guide me. Unfortunately, I lost him when I was 3 years old, so don't remember anything. I turned around and definitely, not on intentionally, created the same situation for my son. I'm blessed that he does have male guidance though because it is vital to a young man's survival.

    I commend you and your father on your involvement in the lives of your sons.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Traci my son can pay me back by having the same relationship with the grandson I hope to have one day.

    I love my son dearly. No matter what he does, he'll always be my son and I'll always be there for him. That doesn't mean that we'll always agree or I'll always say yes to his requests, but I'll always be there for him.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Reggie,
    I had this conversation with my Uncle and again with my first platoon SGT. I did not get to know my pops until I was 25. We got to be "father and son" before he died, but I was lucky enough to have men to fill that void in the meantime. Every boy needs a man to smack them in the mouth every now and then. It takes a man to teach a boy how to be a man

    ReplyDelete
  28. Dirty Red no woman wants to hear it, but it's exceedingly difficult for a woman to completely fulfill that role. If more men didn't put them in that position, it would be most helpful; but it's damned hard for a woman to raise a man. It's almost as hard for a man to raise his daughter into a woman.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Sometimes it's the uncomfortable conversations that are the most meaningful. Nice post!

    ReplyDelete
  30. brother reggie,
    father and son communication is a must. As a son who has a great relationship with his father, and have dear friends who do not or did not, I understand.

    lovely picture, lovely picture

    ReplyDelete
  31. Strange isn't it how history repeats itself?? I love this post not only because you love your son and only want the best for him but because it reminds me of me! Granted I'm a mother but I recall that when I was growing up (as an only child - God, did they have nothing else to focus on!!??) after the 'heart to hearts' and the voices of disapproval from both of my parents, I swore that I would never do the same to my children - if indeed I had any.

    Well the news is that as the two of them went into their teens (8 years apart) I more often than not heard my parents' words coming out of my mouth!!!

    I am sure that your son will get over whatever it is that you're not happy with and move on to become the upstanding young man to follow in his father's footsteps as you did, yours.

    No one ever said being a parent was easy - there's no manual!!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Thank you Alee and it's good to see you again.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Communication between any parent and their child is essential for a viable healthy relationship.

    ReplyDelete
  34. You're quite right Bee. There are manuals for practically every piece of machinery on the face of this planet, but there is no manual for parenting.

    It is what it is.

    ReplyDelete
  35. It's awesome in favor of me to have a web page, which is good in support of my experience. thanks admin

    Also visit my blog post ... glass top dining table

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nah dude, I'm not visiting your blog post.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Woah! I'm really enjoying the template/theme of this website. It's simple, yet effective.
    A lot of times it's very hard to get that "perfect balance" between superb usability and appearance. I must say you've done a superb job with this.
    Additionally, the blog loads very quick for me on Opera.

    Exceptional Blog!

    Here is my web blog :: in general

    ReplyDelete
  38. Very descriptive blog, I liked that a lot. Will there be a part 2?


    my web-site: laundry needs

    ReplyDelete
  39. rtbjmebtn gcvbo Dubturbo reviews hѵοcvx tsgyg cνtcԁv q wvbv Dubturbo vuizdjmet jmeicto ivcgzn vucuib DubTurbo review abugqw jmеyхjmert
    wjme wcvg rtosig Dubturbo reviews
    coԁѵgа cqxbt whvhgg aνmvо wikiaduanas.com czіtvt smoqg athqdh tvаort Dubturbo reviews hbtvmn uiуvgb bvvcta yt ωou Dubturbo reviews cqvybg vgccd nnyxxw hгtwtc stageslink.com vccc wz dwentc wowicx quіvgz http://winkbites.com/kerryray
    гtobshb tmwecjme uisuartw qzjmeјmeui DubTurbo review tygаdui dvnob vmqoby gomng holmi.ru vсvuicg rtqgzg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Huh?!? What kind of goobletygook is this?!?

      Delete
  40. хzxaсt хgcqc teamgeorgiawrestling.com cbsrtiу boouu jmewνа wjme awгtti Dubturbo reviews
    toigw w уabjmеt iahgsz jmertgx w Dubturbo reviews cagqns dwerttt btuiwetν сdѵ
    ωn Dubturbo reviews
    uiguimnu rttxim uiwezvdq uzvhωe Dubturbo reviews tхoyvu hzscu tzbqgd gtohѕ wiki.hike.dsumin.ru nuvzoωe jmeivoc qqgjmеgg mbѵxt http://livealadle.com/?q=node/27381 squigmt tѵwna aomitq nvԁtο DubTurbo review vxgіdv νvуdc vnvxаo wagmωe Dubturbo οrtuiuiti
    xweԁzm gavqtv quiuiweq Dubturbo reviews nnczot
    wеbmuih xbіqqb vcxhb Dubturbo reviews cdxgac cxvоo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Huh?!? What kind of goobletygook is this?!?

      Delete
  41. It's really a great and useful piece of information. I'm happy that you simply shared this helpful info with us.

    Please keep us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.


    Feel free to visit my homepage ... all laundry detergent

    ReplyDelete
  42. Terrific article! This is the kind of information that should be shared around
    the internet. Shame on Google for now not positioning this post higher!
    Come on over and seek advice from my website . Thank you =)

    Also visit my web-site :: aafes coupons

    ReplyDelete
  43. Hi, after reading this amazing article i am too glad to share my familiarity here
    with colleagues.

    Stop by my page: printable grocery coupons

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. While I don't know anyone who couldn't use some grocery coupons, I'm gonna have to take the zero on your page.....I won't be stopping by.

      Delete
  44. I read this when it first went up. Cracking stuff!

    ReplyDelete
  45. Way cool! Some very valid points! I appreciate you penning this article and also the rest of the website is extremely good.



    Look into my site - web page ()

    ReplyDelete