Monday, February 4, 2013

Now I'm totally pissed off!!!!

I rarely watch network television; and when I do, it's usually just to watch football or baseball.
 
But this evening in a moment of complete boredom and the fact that my television was already on that channel anyway.....since I was watching the SuperBowl last night, I actually watched a little bit of our local news.
 
....and I wish that I hadn't.
The news is usually depressing enough, but I saw something that really disturbed me and pissed me off all at the same time.
 
 Because the news segment that I saw, had to do with an elderly man that was over 100 years old being "allegedly abused" by a young man that worked at the nursing home that he was living in.  The nursing home, I might add, that his family just assumed that he was being well cared for in.

He had apparently mentioned to his granddaughter that sometimes "bad things" happened there.....and sometimes those "bad things" happened to him.  From the sound of the news segment, it seemed that either the old dude was starting to lose it and his granddaughter was skeptical or perhaps he was just being cryptic out of embarrassment over what was happening to him.
In an effort to understand just what was going on with her loved one, his granddaughter had left a video camera in his room to record what happens to him when she's not there.

Well apparently the old gentleman was actually being sexually assaulted by one of the young men that worked there......and the final assault was actually caught on tape.
That's right, he wasn't getting beaten up, like what happens to so many elderly patients at these types of facilities (and yes I'm gonna get back to that in just a minute), he was being sexually assaulted.  At the end of the news segment, they showed the mugshot of the booty snatching attendant.  Yes thankfully, they arrested him and took his ass to jail.
This story really pissed me off, because it reminded me of just what happened to my own dear grandfather.
My grandfather was a farmer who lived in central Alabama throughout his entire life.

He was born in 1913 to a bi-racial farmer in Clanton, Alabama.  After just a few years of school, he left school to help my great grandfather work the family farm full time.  While he toiled on that farm, tilling the soil and raising livestock, a few of his siblings and all of his children went to college.  All of his grandchildren went to college.  Many of us have at least one degree, more than a few have master's degrees.

My grandfather dedicated himself to working from sun up to sun down on that farm.  He worked hundreds of acres of land; raising livestock, planting crops.....doing back breaking work.  He was the most fit man that I ever met.  When I was a college student and he was in his 70s and I would help him on his farm, he could run rings around me.  He never seemed to tire and like most farmers he worked as long as the sun was up and often times beyond that.

He was a good natured man with a wealth of common sense.  He went to church every Sunday and laughed often.  He was downright funny and I could tell you stories about him that would have you wetting your pants.  Many of the things that I routinely say now, I say because I heard him say them many many many times.

When I look at my generation and I see the many successful, intelligent people that are his grandchildren, I see a little bit of him in all of us.

Well, when my grandfather turned 75 or so, we could all see that he was starting to change.  His mind wasn't quite as sharp anymore and within time, he started becoming easily confused, he started forgetting things that he had known like the back of his hand, he forgot our names and sometimes he told us things he wouldn't have in years prior.

Alzheimer's destroyed the man I knew.

So my family placed him in a long term care facility.  It wasn't very far from where he lived and my mother, one of my aunts and my uncle regularly visited him there.  His children were looking after him.  One day my mother went there to see him on her way home from work and they wouldn't let her see him.  They made many lame excuses, but my mother wouldn't be deterred.  They asked her to come back the next day and she refused.....instead she called my uncle.

When my uncle got there....ready to burn the place down if they wouldn't let him see his father, they finally admitted that there had been an "accident".

One of the attendants that worked in the facility in maintenance; viciously attacked my 80 year old grandfather earlier in the day and beat him to within an inch of his life.

Oh I have never wanted to kill anyone in my life......like I wanted to kill that young man; and I wasn't the only one.  The only reason why he is alive today is because he was arrested immediately.  I'm sure that someone in my family would have found him if he wasn't fortunate enough to get arrested.

But that's another story, he went to jail and there is a small part of me that's glad that I didn't have anything to do with burying him somewhere down a dirt road in Alabama..........a small part of me anyway.

My grandfather eventually recovered, my family sued that facility and ended up with enough money to pay someone to come by his house and care for him, along with my grandmother, until he died 7 years later.

My family wouldn't have known what happened to my grandfather, if they didn't go and see him on a regular basis.

There are times that I hear of elder abuse even now, years later and I get angry as hell all over again!!!

There's a special place in hell reserved for the type of people that abuse those that can't defend themselves. 
Anyone of us, or all of us could end up in a long care facility like this.  If you have loved ones that require this type of care, please look after them.  If you're not willing to look in on them and make sure that they're alright, maybe no one will.  Maybe, just maybe your loved one (or even you one day) could end up in a living hell..........day in, day out for the rest of their natural lives.

117 comments:

  1. This so sad Reggie! And i feel you on all of this. Itoo have heard the horror stories and i now take care of my mom and will forever will because of those stories. I don't ever want to be in a place where money is there motivation and sick people like the ones you described are caring for me or any of my loved ones. There is a special place in hell for them but no matter how much we wish it, it can never equalize the pain and suffering of our loved ones.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God forgive me, but I hope that the men that abused both my grandfather and the other 100 year old gentlemen get/got raped in prison.

      I do not understand the type of individual that takes advantage of people like this; and yes, there is a special place in hell for these predators.

      Delete
  2. Wow, Reggie. I am so sorry that happened to your Grandfather. People who abuse kids or the elderly have a special place in hell reserved for them, indeed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would agree Val. I don't understand the motivation of someone to beat my grandfather and rape this other gentleman. What type of warped individual does something like that?!?

      Delete
  3. And it is ALWAYS a bad idea to watch local news.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, this is true. There is usually nothing on it but depressing ass news, like the news segment that I saw.

      Delete
  4. Lord have mercy.....to live so long a life only to be raped repeatedly in his twilight years is a crying shame. I wish they castrate that bastard and have him eat his prick for good measure.

    Yes regular and unexpected visits are required all too often children, grandchildren and the like dump off their elderly relatives and forget about them, for years my mother worked in a home care facility and she said it was sad to see them get all dressed up waiting for their loved ones and no one came. She said they got old faster, depressed and miserable.

    May your grandfather soul rest in peace...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That first paragraph sounds like a plan to me Rhapsody Phoenix.

      I would agree that we absolutely have to take care of our older family members.

      Delete
  5. It's a shame, and it's getting worst instead of better. They need more laws for these homes, and better back ground checks on the helpers. People steal their medicine and belongings and blame it on the memory of the elderly... These homes need random inspections to help stop the madness...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even background checks don't help. Random inspections do nothing, they get an "IJ tag"(immediate jeopardy), pay the fine and keep rolling.

      Delete
    2. Something certainly needs to be done 1manview. These predators can't continue to work around our loved ones.

      Delete
    3. BayouCreole I realize that this is your side of the street, so to speak.....what can we do?!?

      Delete
    4. Reg, the best thing to do is what your family did. STAY INVOLVED! In that kind of environment, the squeaky wheel gets the grease...it's sad but, true. They make sure "Mr. So and So" is together because 'his family is coming.' I just had a woman who was sexually assaulted by another resident last weekend. I'm waiting to see what the facility does. One facility I worked at had State coming in there every week on complaints...nothing ever really happens.They get a fine, fix the problem (temporarily) and move on. I've found that the people with the craziest family members get the best care. Even in private pay nursing homes where families pay 10k a month, care is horrible. One of them had a CNA who flipped an elderly doctor on his back while in the wheelchair. Broke his back and he died a week later.The facility swept it under the rug. State was informed about what the CNA did and the facility protected the nursing assistant. Reg, it's such a vicious cycle because, nursing assistants get paid minimum wage for sometimes back breaking work, like lifting people with no Hoyer lifts. They get angry, and the poor elderly are the ones who get their wrath. I had one fool that was actually going to punch a resident with me standing RIGHT THERE! I was like bitch if you do, you'll be in jail. You've already assaulted the person because you made the attempt to hit, it will be battery if you do. I sent her home and informed the Director of Nursing. Nothing happened to her because it was her word against mine! My advice...stay on their asses,keep records of any usual bruises or breakdowns, keep your state department running in the facility...and sue if you need to. I've seen quite a few elderly get 'black-eyes from unknown origin. A lot of people are getting private sitters today for their parents...I don't blame them.

      Delete
    5. OH, and take pictures! Of everything! Also find out who the owner of the facility is. Not the administrator but, the owner. A lot of times, the owners have no idea about what's going on because the administrator keeps it in the building so he/she doesn't lose their job. Report the administrator to the owners of the facility...they usually get fired when corporate gets complaints on them and corporate usually bring in someone who will try to make it a better environment. The owner doesn't want to be sued.

      Delete
    6. My grandfather was dear to us BayouCreole. The place he was in, was on the way home from my mother's job and not far from where most of my family in Alabama lives. More than a few people in my family went by to see him and not just his children either.

      I hated to see him like that and when he came home, it's not like he remembered us again. He would try to "protect himself" when he came home. It's a shame what he was exposed to, I hate people.

      If I'm not mistaken, the facility that housed my grandfather closed soon after my family sued them.

      Delete
    7. Letting the actual owner know is good information to have; and the pictures. I can understand why that would be important BayouCreole.

      Delete
  6. There aren't enough words to describe my sadness... I don't understand elder or child abuse. I'm glad your grandfather had a family who cared, but I'm sorry he had to experience that side of life. I pray there are people who will speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DaenelT I was thoroughly disgusted and angry as hell when my grandfather was assaulted. I can only imagine how angry the family of that elderly gentleman that got raped is right now.

      We have to take better care of our elderly family members.

      Delete
  7. Whoa!! this is crazy man,why would someone in their state of mind wanna abuse the elderly and weak? talkless sexual assault.. this is crazy man. to think of the hundreds of thousands that cant come forward to talk about things like this. May your Grand dad`s soul rest in peace.

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    1. I wonder about that DiDi. I wonder just how many people are abused in these nursing homes. I wonder just how many people actually go by to see that their loved ones are actually being taken care of.

      Delete
  8. I think about my grandfather; the thought of anyone violating him- I would be in jail because I would break every bone in his body and then stump him into a pulp. I dont understand abuse of any kind. There's a special place in hell for those monsters who abuse. I'm sorry this happened. When my mother is of the age and mental faculty requiring being put in a home, I will be like a fly on the wall for that very reason. I was molested by a friend's father when I was 8. Only my mother believed me, and my mom went off. But the guy moved away with his family when she filed charges.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't understand it either Daij. I wonder just what kind of person abuses someone like this.

      I can understand just why it's important to you. I hope that man that molested you eventually got what he deserved.

      Delete
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  10. Reggie am stumped, that's atrocious and indeed a very sad account for your Grandfather (R.I.P) to endure pain at the hands of vicious people. It has always been echoed that you can't get any better than a loving caring family and thankfully they were around to check up on him.
     
    That news excerpt about the rape makes me feel really unwell, as a society we have some serious monsters living amongst us and it's more than frightening.
     
    I suppose it would be quite easy for these sick individuals to slip the Criminal Record Bureau checks if they had never been convicted of any other crimes. And such cases highlight that special care for the elderly gets little consideration and attention.
     
    What to do huh, the choices are rather limited when the folks get older and are in demand of professional medical care. Do you keep the spare room in your house as their constant place of rest and take on the responsibility of care giving?.  Do you place them in a nursing home and take your chances (but out of fear you install a camera to capture your loved one's care routine) or alternatively do you pay for a career to look after a parent at home?. It's all a risk and many questions to consider, especially as most of us have parents that are reaching or have reached that time in their lives, where they are just unable to cope with the everyday semantics.
     
    I think each scenario and situation will be vastly unique to all of us, the main thing is to make the right decision because ultimately whatever route you may chose has to sit comfortably with you and the parent.

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    Replies
    1. Yes Barefoot Countessa you've thoroughly hit the nail on the head because this is an issue that can impact us all before it's all over with. Whether it our parent or loved one or it's us. This could impact all of us and it's a serious question for all of us.

      If not now, then perhaps in the not so distant future.

      Delete
  11. This makes me so sad. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather, Reggie. :( It is so horrible to hear and read about child and elderly abuse (they are defenseless and it sickens to me that there are sick bastards in this world that prey upon them). There is indeed a special place in hell for all of them!

    Nursing homes to me are similar to psychiatric facilities. The people that work at these places don't care about the patients. I suppose I can't say all don't care, but I think there are a good majority of people working there that don't care. You have to be vigilant about the care of your loved ones. Prayerfully, if the Lord sees fit to spare my life, if and when my parents need caring for they will not be residing in a nursing home. Elder abuse is real and it's heinous.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. The people that work at these places don't care about the patients. I suppose I can't say all don't care, but I think there are a good majority of people working there that don't care.
      True enough. Many employees are given too many patients and a lot are abused by patients themselves so they take it out on other patients...it's a vicious cycle in that jungle. I've been in it for 20 years. Started as an LPN and now as a RN Supervisor on weekends. A lot of what goes on is the facility protecting itself. Family members call state, they come out and do a quick assessment, fine the facility and keep moving. It's not just that the workers at the facility doesn't care,it's that no one seems to care...workers,facility owners or state. That's why I stay in the game.There are a few of us out here who really give a damn about the elderly.

      Delete
    2. http://bayoucreole.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/new-nursing-home-trend/

      Delete
    3. There was a time Crystal when I thought about what happened to my grandfather constantly. Now that so much time has passed by, I don't think about it as often. It's been a good 15 years since he died and the abuse took place long before that.

      But when I hear of something like this happening somewhere....or anywhere, it just reopens that wound for me. It makes me think about it far more than I'd like to.

      One things for sure, this type of thing could happen to any of us.

      Delete
    4. BayouCreole I know you care. We've discussed this sort of thing before. I know that we all need more people like you working in these places. I'm at a loss as to how to resolve these things and ensure that this doesn't happen to anyone else's loved one.

      What do we do BayouCreole, what do we do?!?

      Delete
    5. Thanks for the link to your post BayouCreole.

      http://bayoucreole.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/new-nursing-home-trend/

      I'm sure that many people would find it quite interesting.

      Delete
    6. I just read bayoucreole's post; this trend is definitely disturbing.

      Delete
    7. Reg, sadly other than keeping your loved one at home, there's nothing you can do to prevent anything from happening in those places. As I've stated, a lot of shit goes down even in the private pay facilities. Once something happens,you can report it to various agencies, but a lot of times ,even that is futile. It really is sad all round. Remember what happened for Katrina? One nursing facility left the elderly in there to drown. The owners were CLEARED of all charges! Amazing...just amazing...the amount of bullshit.

      Delete
    8. Thank you so much for caring, bayoucreole. That is heartwarming to know. :) Off to read the link you posted.

      Delete
    9. I just read your post bayoucreole and it is utterly horrifying and sad. :( Thank you for spreading awareness. I just can't stop shaking my head.

      Delete
    10. Yeah it is disturbing isn't it No Labels. When I wrote this post I was hoping that she would decide to come over and comment on this; especially since I know that she's worked in that industry for more than a few years now.

      Delete
    11. Ya know BayouCreole I do remember that incident during Katrina, but I didn't realize that they were cleared of all charges.

      That's a goddamned shame!!!

      Delete
    12. Crystal that link is rather interesting, you should read it.

      Delete
    13. Yeah it was disturbing the first time I read it too. Whenever I hear something like this I always flash back to my grandfather. I would be surprised if someone hadn't actually gone into one of those facilities and actually killed someone over their loved ones.

      Delete
  12. Wow , so sad Reggie! The problem with these homes is that in order to turn some kind of profit they employ mostly unskilled persons. Then they will hire one qualifeid nurse part tint to come in and check.

    In some of the homes here they may give the clients the cheapest food and just repeat it day in day out. The only time they get fruit or fresh veggies is if there is some kind of regulatory committee visiting. Painful to see.

    So many just admit the relative and then virtually forget about them, it's insane.

    So much suffering in the world, and the answer,.....

    ReplyDelete
  13. sorry to hear about what happened to your Granddad (R.I.P). My moms was a nurse in a elderly care facility, and she used to come home with horror stories like that. there were even cases of staff stealing large sums of money from residents, getting them to change their wills, madness like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whenever there are helpless people, there are going to be people that try and take advantage of them.

      I'm sure that the same thing happens....and worse, in facilities for the mentally ill.

      Delete
  14. This is a travesty and hurts my heart as well. I'm very sorry that your grandfather had to go through that (((hugs))). Thank goodness your family checked on him often! There are some people who just put their parent in one of those homes and rarely or never check in. I admit, that is why I'm skeptical. If my grandmother ever got to that point, I'd rather she be in a place where I could keep an eye on her...I just find myself very distrustful of one getting put in a home because of some of the horror stories I have heard.

    P.S. Thanks for stopping by and I am glad you like the new look of my blog.

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    1. Kinda makes you wonder whats in our futures as well. Anyone of us could end up in one of those facilities.

      Yeah I definitely like the new look No Labels.

      Delete
  15. Stating the obvious, that's beyond awful. My grandparents lived in their own homes until they passed, so I don't have any frame of reference. I feel bad enough about them dying as is, and couldn't imagine if someone made them suffer in the way your grandfather did. If my grandmother went through anything close to that, my dad would've caught a case. At any rate, we do a terrible job as a country of taking care of our most vulnerable. People try to hide behind the cloak of capitalism, but that's plain nonsense.

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    1. Yeah J.A.H. I would agree that the American society does a fairly shitty job of caring for our elderly. My grandfather lived to be 86 and my grandmother (my maternal grandparents) lived to be 91. Like a great man once said "longevity has it's place". But sometimes, the price is just a tad bit too high depending upon the experience.

      Delete
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  17. I see this as a reflection or symptom of our culture.

    I've heard said that in middle eastern countries people are looked at as shameful if they place their elderly parents in a nursing home. It shows a lack of respect and a sign of neglect by the children for those who brought them into the world. Of course that's easy to say when you have an extended family of 4 generations all living in the same house or compound as has been done for hundreds if not thousands of years.

    Whereas in the western world where the nuclear family unit is dominant and it's difficult to provide the proper care for the elderly by ourselves, we parcel them off to places that are either well qualified, or understaffed and underfunded and expect the world from them even though we know that the world doesn't really give a damn.

    There are criminals everywhere and every place and if I were religious I would thank God that I haven't yet had to make a decision where one of mine could face them. Because if something did happen, I know I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt that I would feel or control that white heat that I used to know when I was younger. At that point I wouldn't care what happened to me as long as I knew that the bitch or bitches would not survive the day.

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    1. I can see why people in other cultures would feel like that Curious.

      After what happened to my grandfather, my family made a concerted effort to see to his care themselves. My grandmother was in her 70s at the time. My grandfather may have been 80, but he had the physique of a man half his age. His body was one solid muscle. I will never be as fit in my life as he was at 80 and I exercise fairly regularly. There is no way my grandmother could have ever restrained him.

      But I do feel you.

      Delete
  18. Reggie... I got in the physicians face and told her that I would go to jail for the remainder of my life regarding the abuse my Mother received.. I meant every word...The photographs that I took of her abuse have made people of whom I have shared with weep... It's a sad day in our world when we as AMERICANS have better laws for animals than we do for our elderly loved ones....even more when the caregivers are paid to take care of them....

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Agreed Texas Queen. We only get one mother and I'm sure we all hold our loved ones dear.

      Oh and while I do appreciate your sentiments regarding my birthday.......I would greatly appreciate it if you wouldn't put my whole damned gov'ment name in your comment.

      C'mon, stop outing me.

      Delete
  19. I've heard so many stories like yours and I'm angered beyond measure. There are no polite words I can use to express how I'd feel or what I'd do if a relative of mine suffered in such a fashion. I'm glad your family was able to intervene and get your grandfather out of there.

    Our elders deserve so much more than the abuse they receive and prosecution for elder abuse is essential for sending a message that it won't be tolerated regardless of the persons age or abilities. Good money is being spent for what should be quality care.

    As you said, there is a special place in hell for people who abuse elders. My Lil Lady is a Public Health Administration major who is quite passionate about elder care. I'm sure she lose her stack when I tell her your story, but I'll do it knowing that in her future line of work, she'll ensure elder care is given its due stellar service.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe I just wasn't paying attention BluJewel, but when this happened years ago, I'd never heard of anything like this happening before.

      I don't understand the mindset of a person that would do something like this.

      Delete
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  22. I am so sad after reading your story. Elder abuse is common these days. Many don't respect older adults. I'm glad the man that tried to kill your grandfather was arrested. He will get what he deserves in prison if he's not someone's bitch already.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just hope that he got what he deserved over and over and over and over again Mlvlatina.

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  29. Quit Whining Reggie!..The next time I will do better! Promise. lol

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  30. I was in tears reading...I can't and won't ever understand why someone would do such horrid things to a helpless person. My grand-aunt had someone hit her while in nursing care (even though I think it was her son's girlfriend) and I wanted to SLAY that ho.

    btw...I hate the news. I watch from time to time to stay abreast, but my feels flow hard during the news.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, for the most part the news does suck doesn't it Kween.

      Delete
  31. 卍Nigga's be trippen. If the guy was white i bet u would of not been so upset. As soon as its a black person all the other black people jump in. Kind of like the case with Zimmerman. Same deal. Different Story. 卍

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually the old man that was 100 and being raped in the nursing facility was Caucasian. I can recognize wrong, regardless of race. Race wouldn't be a deciding factor for me, now nor ever.

      It's been my experience that cowards tend to hide behind the Anonymous persona. That way they can say ignorant, hateful things without being accountable......sound familiar to you?!?

      Delete
  32. SMH I am glad they caught that...person...horrible. I agree, the News is very depressing...I tend not to watch though people get on me when I don't know what's going on.

    I'm sorry about your grandfather...I'm glad your family checked on him and got him out of there. My mother's first nursing job was in a nursing home and she still talks about, to this day, how horrible a place nursing homes are. The physical and sexual abuse, neglect, etc...How the patients who have no family get it the worst.
    Before my grandmother passed away, almost two years ago, due to complications from Alzheimers, my family decided against putting her in a nursing home. It was difficult, but my Mom, Aunts, and Uncles took care of her until the end.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I want to know what's going on too Linda, so I guess it is a catch-22. We want to know what's going on so we all have to put up with the depressing nature of the news.

      I see the nursing home experience in my future, I'm half crazy now.

      Delete
  33. LOL naw don't say that...better start being extra nice to your family and children now lol...but seriously...

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