Masturbation

I must admit that I was more than a little amused  and even confused over the controversy surrounding Congressman Weiner over the last couple of weeks.  People were acting as if he were having sex with underage children or pissing on folks on camera or making babies with the hired help.  No, dude was just chatting women up online and working his gherkin. Like that doesn't happen all day every day.

Why is it that people are acting as if masturbation isn't normal?!?

Okay okay, I admit it; there was a time in my life when I was regularly chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, jerking off, playing with yourself, crowning the king, porking off, tootin' your horn, bashing the bishop, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, committing spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, diddling, frigging, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, stroking your shortie, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels or test-firing the old meat missile. Those were my teenage years.  Some of us get over it, some of us don't.  But clearly, there is nothing wrong with it. When you get down to it, it's actually safe sex.

Let he or she among you who have never known the pleasure of your own hand cast the first stone.

 C'mon what's the big deal?!? Dude was masturbating.  We've got real problems in this country.  Our deficit is tremendous. We're involved in a couple of completely pointless wars. Unemployment is a problem for more than 9% of Americans that want to work. For my dynamic, men of color, unemployment has been double digits for a very long time. Foreclosures have cost tens of thousands of Americans their piece of the American dream. Gas prices are on the way up again. Our economy is in the shitter and entirely too many of my fellow Americans honestly believe that the way to solve our economic woes are more tax cuts for the richest 1 percent and corporations.........as if that hasn't already been tried. It would seem to me that masturbating is the least of our problems.  Besides it's so prevalent among teenagers that I'm sure that a high percentage of them have tennis elbow........and they don't even play tennis.

Maybe we should all masturbate more?!? Masturbation isn't sex with a hooker or even a stranger. Isn't masturbation sex with someone you love?!?