Monday, August 16, 2010

He didn't even offer to buy me dinner first!!!

I've never been what you would call the athletic type; and although I've always enjoyed getting a little exercise, I was never that guy that worked out religiously or got up every morning just to go running. When I was growing up I was always that tall skinny kid. When I say skinny, I was bone skinny. So skinny, in fact, that when I bent over I looked like a big ass L. When I graduated from high school I was 6'1 and I weighed a buck oh five soaking wet. I was so skinny that there were times when I tried to give blood but I was under the weight requirement, so I was turned away. I was well into my twenties when I finally broke 150 and I had to swallow raw eggs and drink boatloads of beer in order to gain that weight.
Fast forward twenty years later and a few things have changed. Although I've always been a regular at the dentist's office, during the last twenty years I've rarely gone to see a doctor. It's sad really, because I've had medical insurance throughout my life. Over the last few years, I'd picked up an extra pound or two. I'm in my 40s now and I'm at an age where it's important that I have a yearly physical exam.
Although I'd never been that guy that works out with wild abandon, I'd always tried to stay in shape. Over the last few years I've been successful too; after all, pear is a shape. No seriously, I figured as long as I could avoid getting man titties, I was fine. Laugh if you will, but there is nothing sexy about moobs. So last year when I went to my annual physical and my doctor looked at my chart with my urinalysis and blood work on it and just shook his head, I didn't know what to think. He said I was overweight and that my bad cholesterol was too high and my good cholesterol was too low. Last year I weighed 215 pounds and that's the most that I've ever weighed. He said that my blood sugar levels were high enough to justify putting me on medication immediately. Diabetes killed my father and his mother, my grandmother. I told my doctor that day that I would lose weight and strive to live a healthier life.

Today I went to my yearly physical; which was why I wrote today's blog post. Today's physical was far different from last year's. Today my blood sugar and cholesterol levels were well within the normal ranges. My doctor told me that my chart from last year and this year's charts look like they're from two completely different patients. I've lost 40 pounds since my last exam and I feel much better than I did last year. I may never have the body of an athlete, but I've made a commitment to myself to be healthier and continue to take better care of myself. I was walking an average of 20 miles a week after my physical last year. This year there have been days that I've walked 20 miles; and this year I've been walking at least 50 miles a week. The only downside to today's exam was what happened towards the very end. When I saw my doctor reach for the disposable glove and the lube.......words just can't express how disgusted I felt. He violated me plain and simple. Not only that, but he didn't even offer to buy me dinner first!!!
As God is my witness, if I live to be 100 I will never have moobs!!! As much as I enjoy the taste of ice cream and red meat and fried chicken, I refuse to end up with man titties!!!

52 comments:

  1. I'm glad to see you're taking care of yourself.

    I don't know where ya'll get these photos from but they freak me the hell out! I swear I think that it is the growth hormones in our food supply.

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  2. I was apprehensive about the doctor's appointment; even though I knew that I had made many changes over the last year MsLadyDeborah. I've eaten so few steaks and burgers or the past year; not to mention just how little fried chicken I've eaten over the last year.

    As I type this I'm eating cherries. I'd rather be eating ice cream, but it is what it is.

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  3. Wow, those pictures are not very nice, especially the last one. There is an operation men can have called male breast reduction surgery. Did you know that men can also get breast cancer just like women do?

    Anyway, I can relate to being skinny and athletic looking when growing up, but I wanted to put weight on and have bigger breasts, I also had boys at college (your high school equivalent in the UK) teasing me about being "flat as a wall" (don't you just love teenage boys!), I eventually fully developed in the end. Eventually, I started going to the gym and weightlifting three times a week, got a six pack and wore belly tops (me and my older brother used to get into things because he used to say, you are not leaving the house in that...LOL). However, I quickly gave up the weighs when I started to get big muscles on my arms and my back got wider, I thought what the hell, I didn't want to look like the incredible hulk, so I stopped.

    These days, I am trying to reduce my sugar intake, but I avoid artificial sweeteners, I just take less sugar and eat less sweets. I have learned to wean myself off things that are bad for me, although some things are easier than others to cut down on.

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  4. Actually I am aware that men can have breast cancer. When I first found this picture online a couple of years ago and wrote a post associated with moobs, that was one of the facts that I found online. I remember then thinking that was some disturbing shit and I still think that way today.

    My one vice is coffee and I like it with cream and sugar.....that just might end up being my Kryptonite.

    Thanks for stopping by, please come again.

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  5. Six one 215 is heavy?
    Man...
    I was 6'1" back in high school and weighed 201 with 4% body fat.
    Now I'm 225 and still more fit than fat.
    (I guess it has something to do with ones body type.)
    I can no longer swim 10,000 meters a day, but I can still knock out a sub minute 100 freestyle.
    I can no longer run a marathon - but five or six miles is easy.
    I can still run a 4.6 - but now it's in the twenty and not the forty.
    I can still run a few games of threes - but I can barely move the next day.

    (But yeah... that little surprise from the doctor can be a little well... ummm... surprising?)

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  6. According to the Body Mass Index I'm supposed to weigh 175 pounds. Yeah I know, we're thinking the same thing. 215 was just fine. But the problem is that my blood sugar levels and cholesterol were off the charts. I needed to change my lifestyle where diet and exercise are concerned. I started exercising more and eating less unhealthy food. I needed to do this John or I was going to die much sooner than I should have to.

    It is what it is.

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  7. Did you intend the pun "what happened near the end"? To say that slip was Freaudian adds a whole new level.

    6'1" 201 lbs at graduation? Yeah, me too. Since then my benchmark has been 230. I had to stop lifting because I kept growing and now I have no need for all that mass, muscle or otherwise.
    Now I'm a complete mess just trying to keep myself happy with the fact that my chest still sticks out further than my gut... sad, very sad.
    When I was fighting I ran 5 miles every morning, went 10 rounds every afternoon... still 230. (then, not now)

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  8. @ brohammas - I thought being between 6'-6'2" and between 200-230 was just "regular guy" fit.
    Not frail and not fat - just regular (can still play sports) guy size and shape.

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  9. Good job, Reggie! Walking is amazing isn't it. It's low impact plus it's good for the mind as well. Nothing clears the mind like a good old constitutional.

    Anyway, congrats on the good news check-up.

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  10. Congrats on your weight loss and lifestyle change.

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  11. you NEED to permanently delete that disgusting picture Reggie!! SERIOUSLY... let it GO!!

    Ive been going for daily walks too... and i think it will have a positive effect on my health aswell... :)

    I'm glad you are a healthier man today... hopefully the changes you have made will keep you around a lot longer :)

    Speaking of my walk... Earl is crying at the door to go... ttyl ((hugs))

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  12. oh... and im sorry that you got violated... julius wasnt impressed the first time he got the rubber glove+lube treatment... cant say i would be either...

    us ladies have to let the doctors all up in our va-jay's so... if thats any consolation... its equal opportunity violation at least eh lol

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  13. Glove and Lube, huh ? Thanks for the warning. I'm 42 and now I'M GONNA TAKE MY CHANCES !

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  14. Sugar is my weakness too and I'm a HUGE fan of coffee. My co-worker taught me a trick though. She said to add a lot of creamer so you don't need sugar at all. It works. I add like 7 of those flavored creamers and I'm good.

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  15. The last pic reminds me of the dude Meatloaf played in Fight Club.

    A few months ago my wife bought me a treadmill to make sure I get daily exercise. I use it, but I prefer walks around the neighborhood and doing regular calisthenics. The older I get(and the more my wife stays on my case)the more health conscious I get. Great post as usual Reg!

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  16. Actually Brohammas, the pun was unintended. When I wrote this yesterday my ass was still "smarting" from the examination.

    Oh and I have never lifted weights Brohammas, my arms resemble chicken wings.

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  17. John I didn't feel heavy. I felt like that was my "walking around weight"; and while I might not have been in "playing shape", I thought that I was fit enough.

    That physical last year was a real eye opener for me.

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  18. Thanks Val.

    I actually do some of my best thinking while I'm walking. When I'm walking my mind is clear and I can focus on any number of things.

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  19. Shady_Grady I absolutely had to make that change. I plan on being a good grandfather one day.

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  20. Now Michelle, you know damned well that you find that "moobie" picture damned sexy!!! How can a woman look at that picture and not drool?!?

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  21. The way I see it, women are supposed to like that Michelle. Most of us men don't like being penetrated......it's just wrong.

    Any man who looks forward to a prostate exam is suspect in my mind.

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  22. Gotta get it done Heff, gotta get it done!!!

    So far I've been checked four times.......yeah, I've been counting. It's not the most pleasant experience in the world, but it's important that we all do it.

    The worst thing that could happen is that we could have something easily treatable to kill us.

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  23. Frankie you might be killing yourself with the creamer.......but hey, I like a lot of creamer too.

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  24. Thanks Jason. I have a treadmill and an exercise bike and they look real good with my coat laying across them. I prefer walks too....and speaking of that, it's time for my daily stroll.

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  25. OMG, those pictures! I am so glad that you took your doctors warning seriously...so many people do not. Diabetes can kill you if you don't take care of yourself. Once they start cutting off the foot,then it's the leg,etc.

    I couldn't give blood either when I was younger...didn't weigh enough...still don't weigh enough.

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  26. BayouCreole my grandmother told me on what would prove to be her deathbed practically the same thing. I was junior in college when she went into the hospital for diabetic complications to one of her toes. Right after they amputated that toe in the hospital she told me that once they cut off a toe, next they'll want another and then finally a foot and then so on. She said that once they start cutting on you when you've got "sugar", you're not long for this world. She was dead before the end of the following week. She had a stroke after they attempted to remove her ankle.

    I loved Theresa dearly; and I want to be here for my grandchildren.....even though they're not here yet.

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  27. Not going to laugh because it's getting close for me to have one of "those" exams.

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  28. Oh and congratulations on getting back in shape. I have fallen off the wagon the last couple of months after a great year and running my first half marathon back in February. My whole chemistry make up has changed and that vitality and thirst for doing active shyt has fallen off mad crazy like! So good for you. Maybe this will motivate me to get back in the gym and out beating those streets again.

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  29. I feel u bruh. I'm glad u r taken better care of urself. I too gained weight since highschool. I'm still a little fella but I'm bigger than I was. I'm 5'4 170 instead of the 120 I was n highschool. I do hit the gym so I'm in pretty goodshape, but a few years ago I was on the chubby side. I'm not ready for the lube exam dinner or not lol, but I know that it will be time as I'm about to b 30 this year. Thanks 4 sharing this post was hilarious!

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  30. All things being equal, I wish that I never had to "endure" one of those exams again. But the reality of it all is that it's a very necessary exam.

    After that appointment I had to go and walk that off, ya know?!?

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  31. I hate running Folk, I'd rather walk. But no matter what we do, it's essential that we exercise on a regular basis.

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  32. Champ the first time that I had that exam done I went to a Jamaican brother. I don't remember a whole lot about the exam itself, but I remember promising myself that I'd never go back to that office again.

    I don't even remember his name, but I like to call him Poke-E-Mon. He was animated throughout the exam and he seemed to be having a little too much fun. That's why I promised myself that I'd never darken his door again.

    Nah, it just wasn't a pleasant experience.

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  33. A rubber glove and some lube?? Sounds like a perfect date to me!!!Is your doctor good looking and single??? LOL (Yeah, I am a nasty chick!)

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  34. You had some Jamacan MAN shoving his finger in THERE?
    Aw hell naw...
    I always shop around for an attractive FEMALE doctor with small hands.
    Even on visits to the STD clinic (back in the day - not now) I'd wait for the hottest FEMALE nurses and doctors.

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  35. Joanna he is older, white haired and skinny as a minute.

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  36. There are always topics that will bring us all passion Moanerplicity, this is one of mine.

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  37. Never mind then Reggie.... we would look like the number 10 standing side by side....

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  38. John that's been a few years ago. When I saw him walk out of the back, I started to walk out my damned self. He was just a little too happy and upbeat. I wanted to seriously beat his ass. He showed just a little too much enthusiasm for what he was doing back there.

    Damn John, did you just state that you looked for hot chicks at the VD clinic.......when you had VD??!!??

    Brother when I had to go, back in the day, I was trying to get the fuck outta there as soon as I could!!! In and out brother......as quickly as possible.....just like when I was getting VD!!!

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  39. ....yeah you sure as hell would Joanna!!!

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  40. See, now, regarding comment of having a hot chick give your examination.... My primary care physician is one of the sexiest men I have ever seen.... but he once offered to give me a pelvic exam.... and I was like HELL NO.... I do not want some gorgeous man looking at my lady bits unless I am getting satisfaction out the deal

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  41. Nah man...
    I wasn't looking to meet chicks at the clinic.
    (Although if one was hot and cured - I'd holla')
    I was just saying that if someone was sticking their finger in THERE - she'd better be attractive for me to enjoy it.

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  42. Joanna during my exam my doctor checked me for a hernia and trust me, I got nothing outta that. To be honest, I wouldn't have wanted that part of the exam to have been given by any of the nurses there either. I was just glad when it was over.

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  43. John when I was in college I was going at it like a beast with a beautiful young woman. When all of a sudden I felt the most intense pain that I'd ever felt in my life. The strange thing about it though was that I couldn't tell where the pain was coming from. I thought that I was having some kind of physical attack of some sort when I figured out that the young woman had stuck her finger in my ass.

    That is the closest that I've ever come to hitting a woman in my life. When she pulled her fat finger outta my ass I didn't know what to say so I cursed her ass out. That's when she hit me with the "you do it to me" shit; and that's when I had to let that young sister know that what's good for the goose, isn't necessarily good for the gander.....and all that shit.

    Oh and I told her to bend over too, because payback is a bitch!!!

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  44. So no happy meal with those gloves, huh? Sorry to hear that...lol

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  45. Ah ha ha ha ha !
    Man...
    A woman was... ummm... going down on me and just when I was about to finish the diamond on her ring rolled back and began to tear away skin like the strings on celery.
    I couldn't decide whether to hit her in the face or wait and shoot in her face.

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  46. Don't you hate when that happens John?!?

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  47. wow...I'm trying not to laugh. I'ma just leave.

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  48. Don't leave Mr. Chap.

    Hey it is what it is brother.

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  49. I'm glad you made a decision to respect your temple :). Keep up the great work. Namaste.

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  50. It's the only one I've got Waharobee, so I might as well respect it.

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