Yo!!! Can a brotha get a courtesy flush?!?

 

It happened again Friday; and every single time it happens, I just want to scream!!!  Once again I found myself shouting into one of the stalls in the men's room asking, "Hey....can a brotha get a courtesy flush?!?"

 

I really hate doing that.  I don't want to have to call anyone out. I don't want to have to ask.  But we've got a few men in our office that regularly use the men's bathroom on my floor that will routinely emit odors that would offend a pig's nose.

 

Usually when one of those guys is in there, some decent person will shout "code black" if they see someone else getting ready to walk into the men's room behind one of them.

 

It's as if they're trying to peel the paint off the walls. They smell the same way I would imagine a wild gorilla would smell if it's diet were too high in fiber.  All of them are big burly dudes.....but they've gotta have some serious health issues going on.  No one's insides smell like that for no reason at all. In the very least, they need to change their diets for all of our sakes.

 

There's actually three of them, there's............

Uncle Fester

 

We call him Uncle Fester, well.....because he looks like Uncle Fester from The Addams Family. His bowels are lethal and he's not opposed to allowing you to smell the full wrath of them.  He's actually the reason that I wrote this post.  When I was presented with his stench when I walked in the bathroom on Friday, I demanded that he immediately give me a courtesy flush.

 

He did.........but that was too little and far too late.  My nostrils were thoroughly offended by that juncture.

There's Beetlejuice....no not that Beetlejuice, this one.  I had to ask him for a courtesy flush one day last month. Dude's so ugly that I don't know what else we'd call him.

and there's 'Squatch, since he kinda resembles a Sasquatch.  He's a big burly hairy mofo who spends most of his day eating one unhealthy snack after another and he has the utter audacity to snack on prunes at his desk as well.  I've had to request a courtesy flush from him a couple of times since we've worked together. Because of those prunes he's so fond of there's a guy in the office that refers to him as "juicy farts", but that's just too disrespectful....even for me.

 

The three of them have been known to clear a bathroom quicker than Kryptonite will kill Superman.  And the simple truth is, they've got no shame in their game.  Although I don't believe that any of them had ever heard of the term "drop and flush", I've acquainted all three of them with it more than a few times.

 

Nasty bastards.

What is so hard about being considerate enough to respect your coworkers?!?  It's not as if they're the only people that actually use that bathroom.

Why in God's name would anyone want to subject another living soul with the smell of their insides?!?  Common decency would suggest that everyone employ the drop and flush method.

 It's just the right thing to do.

 I don't want to have to demand a courtesy flush from anyone, but if push comes to shove, I will.

Why is it so hard for some people to provide the rest of us with a timely courtesy flush?!?  It's just the decent thing to do.