Sunday, February 7, 2010

You know he's suspect.........right?!?

My single women friends are forever telling me about the "large" numbers of closet homosexuals or as they say, downlow brothers, walking around out there pretending to be something that they're not. Personally, I've never believed the stories about large percentages of "downlow" men of color, but for some reason these stories seem to persist.

There is a big part of me that believes that these stories persist because there are many women out there that spread these rumors because of "sour grapes". Oh I realize that there are a few out there, but I just don't believe that the numbers are significant. Sometimes the reality is that all relationships don't end the way we'd like, that goes for married people too.

One thing I don't understand is how a woman could be in an intimate relationship with a man and not know that he has homosexual tendencies. However today I did read a story online where a woman stated that she was crushed to find out that her longtime boyfriend was into dudes. She said that she really shouldn't have been surprised though because at times during their sexual encounters she used a strap-on on him by his request. WTF?!? Call me a caveman and old fashioned, if you will; but I don't understand why a straight man would want anyone to do that to you?!?

I said to myself.......shouldn't that be a clue?!? Just in case she didn't know, straight men don't take it up the dookey chute. Shouldn't a request like that from a man stand out as a clue that he might be a booty bandit?!?


  1. A strap on? C'mon lady. That's got to be a dead giveaway. I think that woman just saw all the other "good" things in him and chose to ignore the obvious. Women do that a lot.

  2. Maybe so Jem. I have heard other men and women talk about men enjoying prostate stimulation during me, that's the same thing.

    If it walks like a duck and it quacks like a duck; then don't be surprised to find out that it's actually a duck.

  3. Absolutely, Reggie. Sounds like she was just obvlivious. Or stupid.

  4. Launa stupid is what stupid does. I would think that Stevie Wonder would have been able to clearly see that guys situation.

  5. How could she not know? People are so oblivious it kills me.

  6. I don't get it Eva, this shit is as wrong as two left shoes.

  7. Reggie, as for your statement "I don't understand is how a woman could be in an intimate relationship with a man and not know that he has homosexual tendencies"

    Easy, a lot of people (women included) prefer not to live life looking through the glasses of reality to themselves or others. People like to believe what is real. Or in relationships that they can change the person they choose to be with.

    It's not they don't see it. They choose not to see it in hopes that what they don't choose to see is the truth of what isn't the reality of the reality.

  8. Brother Reggie,
    I dont see her as dumb, i see her as a liar.
    The questions not answered are,
    why was she so interested in putting on the strap on?
    does she like to show men the reversal role in bed? Was this the first time she has put a strap on with a man? why? is it she wants to be a man? is it she wants revenge on men?
    is it she is into men and women? where do her appetites lay?

  9. how about this compromise ... she's a blind, dumb liar who don't hear her own thoughts screamin 'YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH A MAN WHO DON'T LIKE WOMEN!' so she deaf in the bargain too.

    a REAL man never wants a woman playing anywhere near his 'dookey chute' as reggie puts it...

    grade on her brain: EPYK PHALE!

  10. Folk I have a real issue with that, for a couple of reasons.

    When I used to blog on Yahoo 360 I wrote a blog about downlow brothers and the spread of HIV and that blog was met with a certain amount of derision. I was trying to make a point that we all should practice safe sex as much as possible; and I went on to say that IV drug users, prostitutes and gay men are spreading this disease at an alarming rate. Straight people get this disease too; but usually that's because they have a partner that doesn't practice safe sex or they indulge in risky behavior themselves. Even people in committed relationships should consider practicing safe sex, because Tiger ain't the only one out there bad. We're all basically having sex with everyone our sex partner has had sex with, when we go up in them raw. It is what it is.

    Downlow men are putting the women they're in intimate relationships with in pretty fucked up positions, if they're not practicing safe sex with them.

    Surely wanting to be in a relationship isn't so important that one would risk their life?!?

  11. Brother MK I've always said that you can't blame a man or a woman for their habits as long as they take them in moderation. That said, I don't know what the hell is going on in that woman's head or in her bed. I'm sure we've all indulged in some freaky deaky at some point in our lives, but I'm apparently a novice compared to this woman; and although we all like to get our freak on, I have to draw the line somewhere. When I was in college I used to say "the things that I do tonight, let them be done"; but I was always talking about the things that I would end up doing with someone's daughter, just me and her and no electrical equipment and shit. I figured I didn't need any help, I was born with the proper equipment to help me get my freak on. I always observed that there were some things that I'd never do. I didn't indulge in any behavior that would involve other men or farm animals.......and I didn't "R Kelly" for anyone (especially in my bed). We all draw the line somewhere. As a matter of fact, although I've never hit a woman before; the closest that I ever came was when my girlfriend inserted her finger in my ass one night while we were performing the beast with two backs. She took me by surprise and that's the closest I've ever come to hitting a woman in my life. Here 25 years later I can't think about that woman without thinking about how close I came to making her spit chicklets.

  12. Trinitee Sees I just don't see how anyone could miss that glaring clue.

    I don't hate on homosexuals and it took a long time in my life for me to get to that point. When I was a much younger man I was a complete homophobe and I avoided anyone who displayed what I considered to be a sign of "sugar in their tank". But now, I'm an adult and I'm a reasonable person. I believe in live and let live and that we're all brothers and sisers under our skin. I think it's silly for people to judge other people based on what happens with those people when they're in the privacy of their own homes. I'm proud to have gay and lesbian friends and I would never deny a friendship over something as silly as sexual preference.

    But once again I have a hard time understanding how a woman could be in a relationship with a man and not know that he has homosexual tendencies. I mean.....c'mon!!!

  13. "I didn't 'rkelly' anyone:)

    interesting, she thought, brother reggie will not mind:)
    I have to admit I might pay for a recording of your reaction

  14. i dunno reggie... that dude would definately be under homo suspicion in my book... and like you said... far be it from me to tell anyone what they should and should not take pleasure in doing behind closed doors... yanno??

    as far as the woman... maybe she needs to start drinking coffee? cuz she sure as hell needs to wake up!!

  15. I've always had an open mind Brother MK, a woman might have been able to talk me into some R Kellyesque behavior. But best believe, she would have had to ask me to do that in her bed.........not mine.

    I'm a nasty mofo Brother MK, but I'm not that nasty!!

  16. Hey I say live and let live Michelle. I don't believe that any of us have a right to question what anyone else can do, provided it's legal in the state they're in.

    There are outdated laws on the books of many of the states in this country. Laws that were established to discourage both oral and anal sex; and sex between different races of people. Some other laws seek to discourage same

    It is what it is; but the people of this country haven't always been especially progressive and many of them aren't especially progressive now.

    You know I love coffee Michelle........I think I'll go put on a pot myself.

  17. @Reggie,

    You stated, "...and I went on to say that IV drug users, prostitutes and gay men are spreading this disease at an alarming rate. "

    You forgot another significant group regardless of color (unfortunately too high a proportion affecting Black males): Ex-convicts.

    Many of them are "violated" in prison and it is highly doubtful that condoms are being used. Then the subsequent denial of what happened, not being checked for STDs after being release and then trying to go back to "business as usual".

    This means in general that people need to take a pragmatic approach to initial intimacy. Protection first and if/when the relationship becomes serious, BOTH parties should be tested for STD's.


  18. Good point Anon_Veritas. I remember watching The Shawshank Redemption and Oz and I don't ever remember a predatory prison rapist like Fleece Johnson ever excusing himself to roll on a jim hat before conducting a prison rape.

    Whenever I think of The Shawshank Redemption I always remember that "sometimes Andy got away and sometimes he didn't".

    Excellent point about both parties in any relationship getting tested for cooties too.

  19. There are more down low men out there, than you can imagine! Trust me!

  20. What makes you say that?!?

    I realize that there are some out there; I know, over the years I've been surprised once or twice when someone that I thought was as straight as an arrow hit on me. I just don't think that the numbers of men like that are significant. I think that this who phenomenon can be attributed to gay men's fantasies and the rumor mill. I just don't think it's that serious.

  21. If gay people are only 6 to 8% of any given population then how exactly is there a huge number of Black men on the DL? That's what I want to know.

    I think the media loves to portray Black men (and women) as sexually deviant. The DL thing fits right into that narrative. And since most Black people have been trained from birth to believe the worst about Black people, women believe it with nothing more than media reports (Oprah) and anecdotes to support their belief.

  22. To reiterate my point above "This means in general that people need to take a pragmatic approach to initial intimacy. Protection first and if/when the relationship becomes serious, BOTH parties should be tested for STD's.

    Fact sheet on HIV/AIDs rates:

    "The HIV/AIDS epidemic in African American communities is a continuing public health crisis for the United States. At the end of 2006 there were an estimated 1.1 million people living with HIV infection, of which almost half (46%) were black/African American [1]. While blacks represent approximately 12 percent of the U.S. population, they continue to account for a higher proportion of cases at all stages of HIV/AIDS—from infection with HIV to death with AIDS—compared with members of other races and ethnicities [2, 3]..."

    The Numbers

    HIV/AIDS in 2007

    * Blacks accounted for 51% of the 42, 655 (including children) new HIV/AIDS diagnoses in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting [3].
    * Blacks accounted for 48% of the 551,932 persons* (including children) living with HIV/AIDS in 34 states with long-term, confidential name-based HIV reporting [3].
    * For black women living with HIV/AIDS, the most common methods of transmission were high-risk heterosexual contact** and injection drug use [3].
    * For black men living with HIV/AIDS, the most common methods of HIV transmission were (in order) [3]:
    o sexual contact with other men
    o injection drug use
    o high-risk heterosexual contact**.


    Bottom line, if we do not start taking serious measures to curb what is on its way to becoming an epidemic in our population, within 20 years the problem will have solved itself. It is way past time for people to face that there is a serious, deadly problem affecting the population. If corrective measures with regards to sexual practices and behaviours are not made, then the black population will become decimated as HIV/AIDs continues its deadly march...


  23. Brother, you are talking to someone who has been on the inside of this issue. My feelings about the pervasiveness of DL men, has nothing to do with a gay fantasy. I’m too old and I have been in the game too long, to be fueled by fantasies. I’m merely sharing what I have seen with my own eyes.

    Sexuality isn't black and white. There is a LOT of gray. Some men like women. Some men like women and men. Some men like women who look like men. Some men like men who look like women. And some men simply like men.

    People need to scratch the notion of putting people's sexuality in a box.

  24. I agree with that Val. I believe that the main reason that there are so few available men of color out there is because there are an inordinate amount of them incarcerated or victims of crime, so there will always be more women than men.

  25. Excellent post Anon_Veritas!!!

    For a second there you almost scared me off pussy permanently.........almost anyway.

  26. I hear you BBNB.

    I guess I've tried to look at this phenomenon from the perspective of a heterosexual male who has never been attracted to men. I guess I just don't get it at all. But I have had gay men tell me that "we're all gay" or "you're just denying yourself" or "I'm just more in touch with myself than you are"; when I know that's all bullshit. I'm not saying that there aren't men out there that are like the men you speak of, I'm just saying that I don't believe there are a large percentage of them. I've never seen anything that would contradict that line of thinking either.

  27. "I guess I just don't get it at all. But I have had gay men tell me that "we're all gay" or "you're just denying yourself" or "I'm just more in touch with myself than you are"

    I agree. Anyone who thinks that ALL men are gay or have homosexual tendencies, is a NUT JOB! Nothing could be further from the truth. However, what I HAVE SEEN supports my opinion that there are a LARGE number of undercover men (BLACK, WHITE, LATINO, ETC) on the DL.

  28. BBNB I believe that there is a certain percentage of men out there like that, but not a large percentage; and yes, there has to be men of all races like that.