I believe that no man should EVER hit a woman. I truly believe that; what's more, I've ALWAYS believed that. I have never struck a woman in anger in my life and I won't ever do it either. I've always thought that when a man strikes his love interest, it's a sign of weakness in that man, a serious character flaw.
I would think that all women would be up in arms whenever a case of domestic violence is portrayed in the media, especially when it's done by a celebrity. However, for whatever reason, I've noticed that there are plenty of women out there that seem to want to either excuse or "understand" how a man might be driven to give his love interest a serious beatdown. As if there could be a logical reason why a man would go "ham" on his love interest.
The way I see it, there is NEVER a reason for a man to hit a woman.....NEVER!!!!
Would anyone care to either share a story of domestic violence in this forum or explain just why it might be acceptable in some cases?!?
It's never acceptable. But i saw a case where my brother's girlfriend often provoked him to hit her, by hitting him. I didn't understand this at the time. I kept asking her "why" ? It was something she liked. In the end, she almost killed him. Domestic violence can be a two-way street, none of it good. Nothing i will ever tolerate, but we must at times take a moment and let the story be told on both ends.
ReplyDelete"
I used to date a woman in college MizRepresent that used to do the same thing to me. She never hit me, but she would say things to try and get a reaction. Eventually it got old and we stopped going out. Once in the middle of an argument she said "I knew you wouldn't hit me". Then I remembered her telling me how one of her high school boyfriends used to slap her occasionally. I got the feeling that she really liked getting slapped. That's not something that I could give her, because I don't hit women.
DeleteIf the other party has violent tendencies or a volatile personality that says things that seem to want to incite a response, then we should consider whether or not we should be moving on. There is NEVER a reason for a man to hit a woman. I can understand being prepared to defend yourself, but it's not necessary to go on offense.
Make no mistake, there are SOME women who will HIT hard (I mean HOARD = EXTRA HARD), fight you like dude & injure you... but the best defense is to have the strength to WALK AWAY. It's the greatest strong-arm tactic. It takes the violent wind out of someone's sails & it helps to maintain a man's dignity. It's the ultimate Zen Power. Sadly, some dudes don't know how to exercise that power.
ReplyDeleteOne.
I think we've all met at least one of those women Moanerplicity. We can't control what women have done to us or will do, but we can control our reactions.
DeleteNo one should put their hands on someone they claim to love. When you are abused by an intimate partner the scars stay with you forever. There is never a good reason for domestic violence. The abuser is weak. If someone is abusive, walk away. Things will not get better.
ReplyDeleteI know that there are a lot of women that have experienced abuse at the hands of men Mlvlatina. I also realize that it's hard for someone to walk away from someone they love.
DeleteI know there are some people who say "walk away." However, that is easier said than done. From the outside it seems easy but it's a whole different ballgame when you are in the midst of it.
ReplyDeleteDuring my freshman year of college, I was involved with this guy who was a junior. The relationship started off wonderfully; I even met his family and got along with them. Then, he proposed to me--a very public proposal in front of a lot of people. Once I became his fiance', things started to change. The first time he hurt me, it was an instance where he wanted some "sexing" and I had to study for a test (and I had given him some sexing three times already). He just didn't want to take "No" for an answer, so we got in a scuffle and he took it from me. He was remorseful afterwards and apologized; I forgave him since I had never seen hints of that behavior from him before. Then, he started getting violent over more things than just the frequency of sex. He didn't want me to have male friends (although we both had friends of the opposite sex); he wanted me to have lunch and go places with just him, no one else. He usually would wait until we were alone for him to hurt me, and he normally was very careful to hurt me below the neck until one time we got into an argument (and he punched me in the jaw). Each time I attempted to leave him, the abuse was much worse from each attempt. One time, he did attempt to commit suicide when I left. I guess what I'm saying is that it isn't as cut as dried as it seems.
I was finally able to leave when I walked upon him having sex with some other chic in his car. He didn't even have the decency to do it behind closed doors but in broad daylight. Something just cracked in me; it was just the ultimate disrespect.
Fast forward sixteen years later...get this, for the past two years, he has wanted to reconnect with me. Apparently, either he has truly forgotten all the things he did (since he did spend quite a number of years locked up a few years after he graduated) or he doesn't want to acknowledge it. I looked at that Facebook request and was like, "Are you frigging serious?" (actually my language was a lot more colorful) To this day, I still struggle to get to that place of closure, not necessarily for him hurting me, but to be in that position where I was hurt (not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) and stay in that place...to forgive myself.
Deuces.
Even when we're married we can't force our spouses to have sex with us. So whether you're engaged or not, he had no right to "rape" you, because that's what you described to us......a rape.
DeleteWhen I hear stories like this I am seriously disturbed. I would hope that most people are disturbed by it.
Dude was sick and he seriuosly needed his ass kicked.
Thank you for sharing your story in my blog No Labels.
I was saddened to read your account No Labels as I was to read many of the stories written by women in reply to this post. But I have to say that unless you had placed a sign over your behind that said "Kick Here!" you have no reason to forgive yourself. Like most of us you probably lived your life the best way could in a difficult situation that you may or may not have had much control over. The fact that you have survived should not end with your need for self forgiveness, but as a celebration of you finding you.
DeleteAmen to that Curious!!! Amen to that!!!
DeleteI never have and never will. But I'm not comfortable making 100% rule for other people. There are some violent women out there and everyone has the right to defend herself or himself.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2188050/Pictured-The-bride-fatally-stabbed-fianc-twice-heart-hours-going-married.html?ito=feeds-newsxml
I'm all for defending myself Shady_Grady, I just wouldn't go on offense.
DeleteDomestic violence is never ok. I admit sometimes it's hard for me to believe the celebrity cases. I was a victim of domestic violence in my mid twenties. It was one of the toughest times in my life and the one thing that I have never discussed with my family and my friends. I never told anyone while the abuse was actually going on because I was to embarrassed. I did get out without any help but it was not easy. I didn't provoke the violence but I did defend myself. I never saw him again after I left and I can only hope that he eventually got help and stopped treating women that way. That relationship has had an effect on every one of my relationships since then. My spirit was broken and I can't say that I ever fully recovered.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry to hear that you had to endure that Roz. I don't understand why a man would even consider that as an option.
DeleteAnd yeah, I can see how that would impact your other relationships going forward.
Hey Reggie, my first response was about my brother, the next is about me. In college i was mentally, emotionally and physically abused by my boyfriend. I didn't see it coming, but all of the warning signs were there. Isolating me from my friends, intermittent pushes and kicks, intimidating me to the point of almost throwing me out of a window. My friends kept warning me, tried intervention and yet i stayed until i had a vacation at home away from him and met some very nice guys who realized my worth, while he constantly told me "i was nothing". I remember returning and the window incident and then just walking away. I would have never believed i would be in that place, once a confident, proud, over achiever being reduced to being and "abused woman." But it happens to the best of us. What i carried forward into other relationships is that no man will ever do that to me again, not ever, married or not. And that's my story.
ReplyDeleteMizRepresent over the years I've taken a hard look at myself, enough to realize that I'm not the nicest person in the world. However, I couldn't begin to imagine hitting or kicking a love interest, much less throwing her out of a window.
DeleteSounds like your boyfriend was a bit of an asshole. I'm glad to hear you got away from his crazy ass.
Thank you for sharing your story. This happens to a lot of women and yet they bottle it up and refuse to talk about it or leave the man that is physically abusing them.
Having grown up in the midst of all kinds of domestic violence from my dad to us kids and mom except the sexual kind thank God I've come to avoid violence. Yes, I enjoyed watching Spartacus, but what was that movie Blair Underwood acted where he bit his fiancee/wife until §Ħз had the courage to leave him, I don't like movies like that because it reminds me of a whole lot of stuff, I'd rather not remember.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, when my dad passed I felt a sweet relief. I won't say this to anybody in my life because they won't understand. But I was happy! I'm still blissfully relieved. There was the punching, verbal assault of all kinds, the intentional embarrasment of my mom infront of ♓èл friends by putting ♓èл down, the locking us out of the house, I remember being stoned around the yard one late night and I still had to apologize to him for being a bad kid for doing something I still ςªŋ't remember, the burning of my mom with hot electric iron, hitting ♓èл with matchete, so many things I just ςªŋ't list them, but he never ran out of ideas.
Oº°˚ ˚°ºh I ςªŋ remember the darkness and gloom and depression. When friends tell me of the little problems they had with parents and how they hate their parents, I empathize with them, but I'm thinking, you didn't experience one-fourth of what I did.
Every relationship I've been in I've been on the look out for anger signs. If your face as much as clouds over something that shouldn't make it do so I'm out and I don't tell you I'm leaving. I just up and leave.
I had a guy stalk me to my work place and I called the police on him. I'm not having any of that sh!t.
I've gotten to that age where everyone is singing the 'when are you getting married?' Song. That word marriage scares the f**k out of me. Granted, I do not want to be single past the age of 30, but I will up and leave in a heartbeat the very first time I'm beat or assaulted in anyway. I realize it would be tough. Life's tough. I'll get over it. I'm yet to see a damn thing I can't over.
I not very recently ditched someone who was over possessive and giving me the 'where are you coming from' 'who were you talking to' lines because that's where it starts.
I went through it before because I didn't have a choice, I was a kid. Now, I have a choice. I WILL NOT GO THROUGH IT AGAIN.
Funny, I didn't hate my dad, I tried. The emotion was too strong for me. So, I let it go and settled for disinterest and pity.
Did I mention that he started to drink. And not only were we to put up with the abuse we also had to drag him from the streets and up the stairs. We had to clean up his vomits and deal with his illnesses when he got too drunk. It got to a point where he wouldn't change his dirty clothes, Of course before that time he'd retired from work. We had to fight him to get into clean clothes and brush his teeth. Believe me, he was an educated and enlightened man someone whom people used to look up to with respect, so you ςªŋ imagine the embarrasment of all this and the lie we lived.
The domestic violence happened EV.ERY. D.AY. There was ₪Ö pause. Different styles. I saw it all!
Now, I find that I don't tolerate even the smallest acts of violence. There is ₪Ö excuse for it.
Sorry for the extra long post. :D
I'm happy to see anyone open up in my blog Inez. Thank you for the extra long comment.
DeleteI will tell you Inez that my father was VERY difficult as well. He drank excessively like a lot of military men. He was physically and verbally abusive to his children until we were high school age and his size.....then his tune changed. I love my father dearly, but there were times when I wondered if he really loved me.
Now I see that my father was frustrated over certain aspects of his life and he took it out on his children and his wife. When we were his size though, all of that abuse stopped. Your father acted like that for a reason. We are all the people that we are for a reason.
Clearly you're a stronger person for it. I tell you this though, my sister finally got married last year at the age of 48. I was happy for her. But I wouldn't hesitate to drive 8 hours to beat the shit outta my brother in law if he even thought of laying a hand on her, I doubt he'd do that though. She's never taken shit off of anyone and I doubt she ever would.
Don't put up with violence Inez, no one should have to.
I realized he was frustrated about a lot of things, but that's ₪Ö excuse to me. I'm a human being not your punching bag. If I'd not been strong enough and had died would being sorry have brought me back?
DeleteI did attempt suicide at a point, but like I said I love myself too much :D
I didn't hate him, I pitied him, I cried for him, I wished and prayed he'd be the man he was when I was 6-7. Those were the happiest memories of him. There weren't any happy times after that. I guess God only answers some prayers.
Our memories of our loved ones should be good ones. But the reality of life is that it's not always like that. It is what it is Inez.
DeleteIt's a terrible thing, that can crush a persons spirit soul self worth. Abuse in a relationship, or to live in fear of your so called 'significant other' is one of the worst things to deal with, as it often occurs within the confines of your home where you should be safe.. and its out of sight from others. The person on the receiving end of domestic violence can feel embarrassed, ashamed.. that they will be judged for being weak. but it can happen to anyone, and has happened to me in my teens - early twenties.
ReplyDeleteThere are some who feel violence is a result of provocation. But in my experience - no. It can be as out of the blue as the summer in London. It's wrong and I agree with you, and thank you for saying it. A man should never hit a woman.
No one should live in fear of someone that's supposed to love them, no one.
DeleteDomestic violence shouldn't be the shame of the victim. It should be the shame of the abuser.
Blair UnderWood beat his wife in the movie. Not bit, please.
ReplyDeleteI don't know, maybe he bit her too?!?
DeleteLol.
DeleteI have my moments.
DeleteI have a brother who was an abuser. He began in his teens and this one particular girl was crazy about him...and he'd give her a black eye over and over. Not only her but, there were times he attempted to abuse our younger brothers (I say attempted because, he had to get pass me first and he didn't want walk that road because, I was ready and waiting to kill him.)I never could understand why his girlfriend would take those beatings and then forgive him only to take more beatings. He was miserable with his life and took it out on her or anyone the thought he could overpower.My heart goes out to anyone who has suffered through domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteDid he ever stop BayouCreole?!?
DeleteYes, he did. He told me that I was the reason he stopped. I always confronted him when he would beat up on her and would often tell her in front of "him "you need to take a bat and brain his ass" or "girl, that's my brother and if he so much as iffed my way, I'd kill him,don't let him beat up on." I never let him think it was okay. He says, it hurt him to know that his only sister hated him so much. I find that a lot of abusers have family members that turn a blind eye to what they do...I didn't and called him out on it. We didn't speak for years because I wanted nothing to do with an abuser...brother or not. When he admitted he was wrong for what he did (to her not me), I started speaking to him again.
ReplyDeleteI remember this guy in college from Chicago that I thought was pretty cool. We used to have mad fun together, talking shit.......and drinking beer at times.
DeleteI like him.
Very few other people did and I could never understand why.......until one day one of my friends told me that he abused and raped women randomly. I didn't believe it. Until.........one day he and I were together and one of my friends from class walked up to me talking to me. When she saw him, she stopped dead in her tracks and walked the other way. When I looked at him, he just smiled and made a comment about what kind of sex partner she was.
When I saw her again, she refused to explain why she walked away, but she told me I associated with the wrong people. The following week while we were drinking he talked about how much he liked to hurt women.........that's when I stopped speaking to him. He was a real asshole.
And now a word from the Opposition.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about absolutes is that sometimes when you need to find that wriggle room in order to just survive, that code or decree (I can't think of the word) that one lives by is often the first thing that's thrown out the window.
Listen, I am actually 100% behind you about never striking a woman. Like most most men I am larger than most women and for me to get physically involved with them would be like taking a gun to a knife fight; there would be a distinct and unfair advantage in my favor. But I have to say that if I were to ever find myself attacked and unable to escape and being pummeled to the ground and watching my life ebb painfully away, my first thought might to scream, "Sweet mercy!" and hope for the best. But my second thought, and the one that I would probably act on would be, "Defend yourself," and that could come out in any which way.
C'mon brother, work with me!!!
DeleteI'm all for self preservation too; but 99.9% of the time when a man strikes a woman, it's just not like that.
I'm better than six feet tall and I can count on my hands the times I've even seen a woman taller than me. That doesn't mean that I haven't seen a few women over the years that I wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley, with or without a baseball bat. We both know those women are out there Curious. The situation where you described a life or death issue isn't the scenario in which women are generally beaten.
Women are generally beaten by their cowardly love interests. Weak ass men that take their frustrations out on the women they're supposed to love, men those women trust.
I'm gonna hope that I don't run into that big burly woman who decides she wants to kill my ass. Because the day that happens to me, I'm gonna fuck a bitch up!!! I seriously doubt that sort of thing will ever happen to me Curious, but the day it does you will have an opportunity to call me a woman beater.
But since I like being right about this shit, let's both just hope that doesn't happen.
Thank you for saying this sir! One thing that always bothered me listening to family discuss their relationships is the potential to get beat and staying and thinking it's love. It saddened my heart and made me determined to not get in such relationships. I admit my mouth can get slick but I still don't believe it is ever a mans place to hit me because of it. I managed to be "lucky" to have only suffered emotional and verbal abuse and loved me enough to get out of those relationships. This new generation of men with no values and no respect have taken things to a whole nother level of crazy. I just pray that more women have the courage to get out and realize that abuse of any kind is not love. It's Hate!
ReplyDeleteGorgeous Puddin' when I was in college, I had a friend who routinely showed up to class with black eyes and bruises on her arms. She was always sad, because she knew that everyone knew what was happening to her. I had asked before if there was a "problem", but she denied it. Finally one day when it looked like both of her eyes were blacked, she told me that her boyfriend did beat her sometimes. Of course, I knew it, I just wanted her to say it. Then I had to sit there and listen to my friend explain to me that her boyfriend only beats her because he loves her. I was speechless. I couldn't believe she said it, much less believed it. But guess what, she believed every word of it. The following year I remember her being excited because he asked her to marry him. I wonder if she's still alive.
DeleteI once knocked a woman to the ground while slap boxing. It was not intentional, she just happened to step into a punch as it was being thrown. Her friends were ready to beat me down but she knew that she bobbed when she have weaved.
ReplyDeleteI usually just Rope-a-Dope until a woman tires. But this seems to make them even MORE upset.
I don't hit women - but there have been many that I WISH I could have.
I can't say that I have ever slap boxed a woman John. But I can honestly say that there have been a few times over the years when I have wanted to make one or two spit Chicklets.
DeleteLike you, I don't think a man should ever put his hands on a woman just as I believe a woman should never put her hands on a man. I think if a man is defending himself against a woman, then its just that. I know a FEW woman who fight with their boyfriends/husbands. And while the man is just content with arguing SHE is the one who throws the 1st blow.
ReplyDeleteThose relationships are doomed from conception if you ask me.It makes me wonder what happened to either party to think that hitting each other is okay even once.
I am not for domestic violence and I would leave just as quickly as I came if my guy even threatened to hit me. All it takes is a threat for me to peace out!
Well Krissy I don't think that either party striking the other is a good thing. But even if I was hit, I wouldn't strike the woman back. It would have to be an extreme circumstance, like defending my life. Otherwise, it's just not a good thing.
DeleteThere is never a reason to hit a woman. As a man, one thing we often do not learn that self-restraint is what makes us the stronger of the species. We don't use that self control often enough. We allow words to provoke us to action which shows weakness. But, a woman that would dare put her hands on a man should be sent to jail and vice versa.
ReplyDeleteAgreed Alphonso.
DeleteHow are we in control of ourselves if we can't exercise restraint? We are a violent species though......clearly. We could all stand to exercise some form of restraint or another more often to be sure.