Reggie's Rantings

Office bathroom etiquette

2012-01-13T21:18:00.007-05:00

There is such a thing as office bathroom etiquette. But for some reason unbeknown to me, some folks are clearly ignorant of it.

First of all, can a brother get a courtesy flush?!? I mean c'mon we've all gotta use it. It's not your private dump. Don't I deserve the opportunity to go in there without seeing the paint peeling off the walls because YOU decided to overdo it with the Burrito Supremes during lunchtime?!? Why do you feel a need to fill up the bowl before flushing?!?
Is it so hard for you to drop and flush?!?

Please clean up after yourself. Your mother doesn't work in our office!!!

Don't talk to me while I'm in the stall. I didn't come in there to talk to you; and please, if you're in there keep the chatter to a minimum. If you ate too many bran muffins I don't want to have to hear your promises to God or yourself not to do it again!!!

Don't talk on your phone while you're in the stall mounted on the porcelain God. It's just plain wrong; and please please please don't call me on the phone while you're in there. Whatever you have to tell me can wait.

Don't follow me in the bathroom asking me work related questions. Whatever you want can wait until I get back to my office you needy bastard!!! Can't I have a moment's peace?!?

Flush the damned toilet and please use the toilet and not the floor!!! I don't need to know exactly what you did while you were in there!!!

Don't stand next to me at the urinal, if there is another one further away. I don't want to talk to you anyway and I sure as hell didn't go into the men's room for company.

Why are you taking your coffee cup in the stall with you?!? Are you seriously that busy?!? Really?!? You nasty bastard!!!

I'd prefer you didn't talk to me while I'm standing at the urinal doing my fireman Bob impression. But if you must, don't look down; and if you do and you say something like WOW or IMPRESSIVE, then please don't expect a response. The appropriate response is just a blank stare. Understand that look on my face is exactly what it looks like. Oh and by the way, don't ever say another word to me again.

When you're leaving, wash your nasty hands you filthy piece of shit!!! If you don't and I see you, don't ever expect me to shake your hand again. At that point and hence forward, you've lost your hand shaking privileges with me.

Oh and one more thing, if you've got mud butt, do I really need to hear all of that?!? Can you please try your hardest to ease those potatoes out silently?!? Oh and please don't blow an o-ring while beseeching the porcelain God for mercy. Keep the sounds to a minimum............please.

My Moobshake!!!

2012-01-07T17:33:00.003-05:00

On my way out of the office on Thursday afternoon, I stopped in the men's room to wash my hands. I'm a serial handwasher, because I'm a germaphobe. Whenever someone touches or shakes one of my hands, I'll immediately go and wash them. As I was walking in, I noticed one of the gentlemen I work with walking out of the far stall (my personal favorite...yeah like you don't have a favorite stall) without a shirt on. This isn't the first time I've seen him do this, that's just how he rolls. He's an awesome guy, though he is bit on the portly side. The messed up thing about him though is that he'll walk around with his shirt off and dude is sporting a set of double Ds on his chest. I have to tell you that a moobshake on a man is not a good look.

Truth be told, dude needs to wear a "bro" or maybe a mannzierre?!?

In all honesty, that's one of the reasons why I will exercise on a regular basis now, I'm trying to avoid titties.

I've heard women say a lot of things over the years, but I've yet to hear one say she likes titties on a man.

Is honesty really the very best policy?!?

2011-12-30T14:19:00.000-05:00

My grandmother, a temperate and God fearing woman throughout her life who was the finest person that I ever met, used to always say that honesty is the best policy.

But is it really?!?

I like to be as honest as possible.........always. But I find that the only person in the world that I have to lie to is my significant other. To be honest, I think if I had always been honest with her, we wouldn't still be together.

Are you ALWAYS honest with your significant other?!?

Hating Christmas!!! Hating the Holiday Season!!!

2011-12-24T17:31:00.005-05:00

I'm just not feeling the holiday spirit this year. Now that my children are grown and I've yet to have any grandchildren, the season really hasn't held the same magic that it held for me a few short years ago. But this year's seasonal disgust and aggravation has nothing to do with that or the over commercialization of Christmas or the hoards of irate holiday bargain hunters. Or even those people forever trying to get me to part with my hard earned cash for some godforsaken charity that I could give two shits about. It doesn't even have anything to do with the money I've spent this year for people that I don't care about whatsoever. I know why and it has nothing to do with the season. It's been eating at me like a parasite eating through a carcass. It's more than just the usual crap. A couple of weeks ago I found out that my one and only son will be deployed with his unit to the Middle East in February.

My son, the fruit of my loins.

I want to punch someone.........real bad!!!

Bah humbug!!!

Random thoughts

2011-12-03T19:22:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I had some wicked Mexican food. It was absolutely delicious. But I will say this about said Mexican food, it was hot and spicy going in and just as hot and spicy coming out. So this morning as I sat on the porcelin God with a vicious case of mud butt and contemplated making an entirely different choice for lunch next time, I had time to think while my ass was mimicking a flamethrower (dropping the kids off by the pool, baking a loaf, stocking the porcelin lake with the brown trout...or whatever you like to call it).

Why can't we call Herman Cain what he really is.....a horny old bastard?!? Isn't that all he really is?!? Is there really someone out there that actually thinks he was framed?!? He's got more women coming out of the woodwork than Tiger Woods!! Can we all please stop pretending that this lecherous old prick was wronged?!? He's apparently been boning half the women in Atlanta. He'd probably fuck a woodpile if he thought a snake was in it.

It occurs to me that child molesters have no value whatsoever to civilized society. Would it be such a bad idea to put them all to death?!? I'm not talking about anything expensive like lethal injection or electrocution....I'm talking about a simple hanging. What's the big deal?!?

Oh and one more random thought occurs to me. When I was an undergraduate I considered pledging one of the fraternities on campus. However, I noticed that there were several young men in each fraternity on campus, that I had words with or some kind of altercation with before. Whether it was about my smart mouth or their girlfriend....or in some instances both, I figured that if I pledged, I'd probably warrant someone's special attention. It occured to me then, like it does now that the hazing thing is just stupid. I watched it happen to my sister, cousins, friends and roommates; and I'm also sure that not one of them would stand up and admit that it happened to them now. It's dumb, plain and simple. Someone somewhere needs to stop this foolishness. How many other young men and women have to die before we all realize that it's just dumb?!?

The shit we eat!!!

2011-11-24T20:02:00.005-05:00

Yesterday while I was at work, I wandered into the break room to pour my fifth or sixth cup of coffee of the day (yeah I know that ain't healthy). While I was in there I struck up a conversation with my friend Michelle. I like talking to her because she's usually very pleasant, she says what she thinks and not necessarily what you want to hear, she's no nonsense and we're of the same age. Not only is she good people, but she's actually pretty funny most of the time. While we were talking she walked over to one of the vending machines and put some money in and selected an item. I never use those infernal machines because I try to eat half way healthy when I'm at work; and besides, work usually kills my appetite anyway. I laughed when I saw what she was getting. She laughed too, but she said what she got was so good, she usually eats them just about everyday. At that point I took out my cellphone and took a picture of what she was holding. That's it in that first picture.

Usually those vending machines in our break room are full of the worst kind of crap. Whether it's the drink machines or those damned "food" machines that dispense their sugar laden or fat laden crap. Oh I'm quite sure that just about all of us eat some kind of crap. I just refuse to eat the crap that comes out of those god awful vending machines at work.

Truth be told, I absolutely love Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls. I've eaten them for years. Sure they're crap, but they're so goddamned good with a big cold glass of milk.

One day I'll stop eating them, I'm sure...........or maybe not. Over the last few years, I've already cut most of the unhealthy crap out of my diet, this is my one guilty pleasure (that I'll admit to).

What kind of unhealthy crap do you like to eat....or drink?!?

The evil that men do

2011-11-11T13:51:00.005-05:00

I absolutely love college football. I've been a fan for most of my life. So even though Jerry Sandusky has been retired for the better part of 12 years, I clearly remember him. He was an excellent college football coach. His Penn State defenses played tough and hit hard.

However, what's been going on in State College, Pennsylvania over the last week or so has nothing to do with tough defenses or hitting hard or even college football. What's been going on recently is about reprehensible human beings, covering asses and child molestation. While I understand why so much attention has been placed on Joe Paterno, for the life of me I don't understand why the bulk of the media aren't perched on Jerry Sandusky's front lawn; and why every time he shows his face he isn't faced with a barrage of questions.

Have you had sex with little boys?!?
If so, how long have you been doing this and how many little boys have you had sex with?!?
Have you had sex with any of your own children or grandchildren?!?
Why do you think that Penn State officials were quick to cover all this up?!?
When a man has sex with a child do you think he ruins that child's life?!?
Do you know of any other Penn State officials that like having sex with children?!?

I'd like to say that I understand what's going on, but to be honest I don't understand anyone that would even consider utilizing a child for sex. As a matter of fact, I have difficulties even thinking about it without getting really pissed off. The father in me understands why the parent of an abused child would choose to kill the person that violated their child.

This week there have been many fans of college football that have been concerned about Joe Paterno's legacy and how spending 61 years at Penn State should entitle him to go out on his own accord. This story shouldn't be about some old coaches right to coach more football games. This story should be about abused children, the evil that men do and the poor decisions that still other men made in order to cover their asses and keep this awful story out of the limelight. The mistake that some people are making is in comparing this to what's happened to other football coaches over the years. If anything, they should be comparing this to the abuses of the Catholic Church, because the similarities are clearly there. Someone needs to ask Mr. Paterno why he didn't feel that it was his civic duty to call the police and report this reprehensible crime.

There will always be people that will take an opportunity to take advantage of others. It happens in every aspect of human life. It's constantly going on, it's probably just the nature of men (and women) to do so. But when it involves children........and sexual abuse, all bets are off. At that point, this becomes a black and white issue. There is no defense for anyone who stands in the way of justice for children treated like sex objects.

As a society we need to take a hard stance on those that would exploit our children. I see no reason why we shouldn't close ranks on these types of people; and while there are those people out there that value ALL human life, I'm not one of them. I don't believe that every single person on the face of this planet actually adds value to our society.

I'm a staunch supporter of the death penalty because of murderers and child molesters. I see no reason why those convicted of these crimes shouldn't swing at the end of a rope on pay per view. To me, that would be "Must see TV".

There are many aspects of this story that are disturbing as hell, but one thing about this story keeps nagging at the parent in me. What kind of man walks in on another man raping a child and can turn around and walk away without beating the ever loving shit out of that rapist?!?

Why Kim?!?

2011-11-07T18:19:00.000-05:00

Why are we as a society so infatuated with Kim Kardashian?!?

I get the part where she's beautiful. And for those of you out there that will say she's okay........or alright, you're mistaken, she's quite beautiful. I've even used her face in a post or two of mine over the years. I just don't understand why she commands so much media attention. She's beautiful, but there are a lot of women that are just as beautiful.

I mean, let's be honest. The only reason that any of us know who she is, is because she sucked someone's brother's dick on tape. Sure she's got a famous and talented father, but he's been dead for years.

Why does her every move command the attention of so many people?!?

Can someone explain that to me?!?

Please?!? Someone............anyone?!?

With so many other important issues going on here and around the world, how does she seemingly always end up at the forefront of media attention?!? Why?!?

Icons

2011-10-15T21:47:00.001-04:00

Why is it so hard for some of us to acknowledge that our heroes are flawed and subject to the same foibles as everyone else?!? Is it so hard for some of us to clearly see that perfection doesn't exist in man?!?

Is it normal for a grown man to see nothing wrong in sleeping with children?!? Even if they're not your children?!? Is it normal for a grown man to build his very own private amusement park, complete with chimps and llamas and whatnot.....and then invite children?!? I mean, is it just me or shouldn't those kids already be going to Disney Land or Chuck E Cheese?!? This sounds like something that a pedophile might do to lure children to him......right?!? I'm not forgiving their parents for sending them to Neverland, but who does that?!? What type of person builds that kind of place?!?

Is it so hard to acknowledge that perhaps a great running back may have loved scoring with various women (other than his wife) and scoring drugs just as much as he loved scoring touchdowns?!?

Even if the glove didn't fit, why is it so hard for some of us to admit that it's entirely possible that the Juice actually "ginsued" his ex-wife and her lover?!? I mean, someone opened up that woman's chest like they were trying to get the breast implants out that they paid for. I mean it's just not me right?!?

Why is it so hard for some of us to acknowledge that maybe the "Pied Piper of R&B" should be pissing on somebody in jail?!? I mean c'mon, you know that piss wasn't digital.....right?!?

If instead of being entertainers and sports figures, these people were bus drivers or garbage men; would it be easier to believe that they might actually be guilty of what they've been accused of doing?!?

I'm won't be eating meat throughout the month of October 2011.

2011-09-28T19:42:00.002-04:00

A little more than a year ago, I challenged myself not to eat meat for an entire month. That month was June 2010. I did it then, but it sure as hell wasn't easy for me.

The late John F Kennedy once said...

"We choose to go to the moon. We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others, too. "

The last time I did this, I did it not because I thought it was easy; but because I recognized that it would be difficult. We need to challenge ourselves at times. Trust me, I love the taste of meat just as much as you do. However, I am the master of my own domain. I decide what goes in my pie hole. It's going to be difficult, because I love the taste of meat, but I'm up for the challenge.

Of course, I'll be having a nice juicy steak for dinner September 30th, because I'm gonna miss meat that much. I challenge anyone else who thinks they're up for the challenge to join me........but I warn you, it won't be easy. By the time this month is over I might be healthier, but I'm gonna be one cranky mofo.

Who else is up for the challenge?!?

If you can't give up meat.....then give something else up until November 1st. It's just a month, it won't kill you.

WTF was I thinking?!?

2011-09-16T18:22:00.004-04:00

WTF was I thinking?!?

C'mon now, don't act like I'm the only one. I'm sure that just about all of us have had sex with someone and just as soon as it was over said..........."what the fuck was I thinking?!?"

You know what I mean. Maybe he/she was way beyond morbidly obese or entirely too skinny?!? Or maybe he/she had "summa teeth"; summa here, summa dere. Or maybe he/she had no teeth at all?!?

Maybe they weren't unique or exotic as you originally thought....maybe they were just strange as hell after all?!? Or maybe they had a bladder control problem?!?

Or maybe he/she was just a little weird......or maybe a lot?!? Maybe they had a particular odor about them?!? Or maybe they had a busted headlight, like Biggie Smalls?!?

Maybe we thought it was gonna be the bomb and they actually laid one?!?

Maybe it was late, you were drunk.......but you sobered up, perhaps a little too late?!? Maybe they spent entirely too much time high?!?

Maybe he came up just a tad bit short?!? Or maybe she had a little more to offer than you expected?!? Or maybe they

C'mon share your experience.

Derriere Day 2011!!!

2011-09-03T23:14:00.001-04:00

I'm of the opinion that there just aren't enough meaningful holidays being celebrated in this great nation of ours. So I'm proclaiming today, September 3rd, to be Derriere Day!!!

In honor of Derriere Day 2011 many of the fine ladies who have regularly (and some irregularly) graced my blog have humbly consented to displaying their fine (yet anonymous) booty meat for today's post.

In the words of the immortal Sir Mix-a-lot......

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
'Cause you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh baby, I wanna get with you
And take your picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that butt you got makes me so horny
Ooh, Rump-o'-smooth-skin
You say you wanna get in my Benz?
Well, use me, use me
'Cause you ain't that average groupie
I've seen them dancin'
To hell with romancin'
She's sweat, wet,
Got it goin' like a turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of magazines
Sayin' flat butts are the thing
Take the average black man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
Has your girlfriend got the butt? (Hell yeah!)
Tell 'em to shake it! (Shake it!) Shake it! (Shake it!)
Shake that healthy butt!
Baby got back!!!

I like 'em round, and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And ugh, double-up, ugh, ugh
I ain't talkin' bout Playboy
'Cause silicone parts are made for toys
I want 'em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Mix-a-Lot's in trouble
Beggin' for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at rock videos
Knock-kneeded bimbos walkin' like hoes
You can have them bimbos
I'll keep my women like Flo Jo
A word to the thick soul sisters, I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna *fuck*
Till the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
'Cause them punks like to hit it and quit it
And I'd rather stay and play
'Cause I'm long, and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
So, ladies! {Yeah!} Ladies! {Yeah}
If you wanna roll in my Mercedes {Yeah!}
Then turn around! Stick it out!
Even white boys got to shout
Baby got back!!!

My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups,
But please don't lose that butt
Some brothers wanna play that "hard" role
And tell you that the butt ain't gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Cosmo says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that!
'Cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin' bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines:
You ain't it, Miss Thing!
Give me a sister, I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to dis
'Cause his girls are on my list
He had game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get wit 'em
So ladies, if the butt is round,
And you want a triple X throw down,
Dial 1-900-MIXALOT
And kick them nasty thoughts
Baby got back!!!

I've got nothing but love for buttocks, fanny, fatty, tail, badonkadonk, seat, butt, booty meat, stooge, stub, goat, nates, arse, butt, backside, bum, buns, can, fundament, hindquarters, hind end, keister, posterior, prat, rear, rear end, rump, stern, seat, tail, tail end, tooshie, tush, bottom, behind, derriere, fanny or ass.

Once again, I also have nothing but admiration for the ladies that were kind enough to donate pictures of their very own..........posteriors towards the making of this post.

Thank you again, for both sending your pictures and trusting me enough to send me your pictures.

My father used to say that all women are beautiful and if you look at any woman long enough, you'll see something that you like. While I can't say that's entirely true, he's right for the most part.

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm a ( @ )( @ ) man. But don't get it twisted, all men (particularly men of color) have much love for a nice ass.

A man of color loves a nice plump ass like a fat kid loves cake!!!

Happy Derriere Day!!!

Why do we blog?!?

2011-08-21T21:05:00.001-04:00

Why do I blog?!?

Personally I utilize this blogging thing as an outlet to relieve stress. Believe me there are days when this is far better for me than any tonic or pill I could get from any doctor, or any treatment that I could possibly receive in anyone's therapy.

Sure I have fun doing this. There have been many a day when I read someone's post and laughed my ass off. I love to laugh at other people almost as much as I enjoy laughing at myself. At the end of my day, blogging is an excellent option for me. But it's not like I only do this to fuck with people online that I've never met before and wouldn't know from Adam if we passed each other on the street.

I desperately need this.

I learned to love this thing called blogging on Yahoo 360. I absolutely loved that site; and when that site died and went the way of the dodo, I moved here. I like it here, though not quite as much as I enjoyed it there.

Lately my job has become extremely stressful; and although I believe I handle stress just as well as the next guy, I will say again that Reggie needs this shit!!!

Why do you blog?!?

***

Oh and before I forget, my next post will be on September 3rd. On that day, I'll be celebrating Derriere Day 2011. Maybe you remember my Mammorial Day blog entry from earlier this year? Well dammit, I've decided that we don't have quite enough holidays in this country!!!

Anyone who would like to send a picture of their very own derriere can send it to Reggiesblogspot@yahoo.com and I'll include it in my post. I've already received a few pictures and I'll be posting those and I'd be more than happy to post anymore that I receive via email. Once again, this is completely anonymous. No one will ever know whose derrieres are posted. If you'd like to participate, please submit your entry no later than September 1st.

Stress!!!

2011-08-06T14:11:00.003-04:00

Over the years, many of the people that know me from work will tell you that I usually don't react when presented with adversity. I like to think of myself as cool under fire. I like to think of myself as just as cool as the other side of the pillow. I like to think that I'm laid back like a dead fly. I tend to take a little time to take in whatever the issue is and mull it over. Then after some thought, I'll respond. Some people react immediately and I try and make it a point to think things through.

However, that doesn't mean though that if I come across something that I believe requires immediate action, that I won't do just that. I think in life most situations are circumstantial and best left up to individual interpretation. I also know that while fortune favors the bold, cooler heads prevail.

And despite my strong work ethic, I've had people question whether or not based on my response if I really actually give a shit. Over the years some of my peers have called me "the world's only living heart donor" and "one cool cucumber".

Labels

Why don't I usually react?!?

I think it's important to not let the people that work for you, with you or over you see you overly react when presented with stressful situations. I've always thought that those people that tend to stay cool under pressure are usually much more in control of things than those that don't. Most times, a thoughtful response is far more important than an overly quick one.

You see, my father was military. He used to yell, scream, curse and call me everything but a child of God on a regular. As a matter of fact, I thought my name was asshole until I was 10. I don't generally get flustered or excited.........and I usually don't want to.

Have you ever been so angry at work that you completely lost control of yourself?!?

Have you ever gone completely off and cursed someone out and quit a job?!?

Oh I've done it before and seen it done before and it wasn't a pretty sight. Even though I'm cool for the most part, there are limits to everything. So now when I feel the pressure building, I try and do something to alleviate the stress that I'm feeling. In the past I've taken a quick walk around the building, listened to soothing music or many times I've just calmly cleared my mind and focused on the issue at hand.

We all experience stress in some way.

What do you do to relieve stress?!?

***

Oh and before I forget.
Earlier this year, you may remember that in my blog I celebrated "Mammorial Day"(back in June); and in that post I gave everyone who wanted to participate, an opportunity to send a picture of their breasts to be included in that post. Well I did get a lot of participation in that post and it went so well, I'm going to do something similar to that again. At the beginning of next month, I'll be celebrating "Derriere Day". So anyone and everyone that would like to have a picture of their derriere included in that coming post can send their pictures to Reggiesblogspot@yahoo.com. Once again you can look to see that post at the beginning of September.

It's my duty to please that booty!!!

2011-07-19T13:34:00.000-04:00

Today I was witness to a crime. Not just any crime mind you, but a crime I'm sure we've all seen all too many times in our lives. You know that crime we see and we tend to look away......and laugh. We don't laugh at the crime, we laugh because the crime is so pathetic and should have never happened in a million years.

Today I watched an old school soul brother of the highest order attempt to "holla" at a young woman that was clearly young enough to be his granddaughter. Now an older man attempting to "holla" at a younger woman or a older woman attempting to do the same thing with a younger man isn't necessarily a crime. But what I witnessed today was as wrong as two left shoes. Grandpa soul brother straight gangsta mack with his 4 or 5 gold teeth and his 3 or 4 brown ones and his derby and matching cane was clearly out of his league with this young woman. As a matter of fact, he was wrong for even attempting to speak to her. She looked like she wanted to crawl into a hole when this old school G started groping himself and shooting a rather stale game at said young woman.

Why do we do this?!?

Why?!?

Who says that this type of shit is acceptable?!?

Ever since I first bore witness to that "too old" dude in the club with the jheri curl or the dreads with the "pie with no filling" look going on in the middle of his head and I know you've seen him too. You know that guy who always has his shiny shirts open to his bulging belly with accompanying gray curlies on his chest with his many gold chains and medallions.....yeah, that guy. Every since I first saw him.....I didn't want to be him. Ever since then I've promised myself to never be this person.

No matter where my life goes in the future, I absolutely refuse to be this mofo!!!

Not me!!!

Boob talk

2011-07-04T22:31:00.002-04:00

Although I'm a big fan of ( @ )( @ ), I'm not a big fan of tattoos on ( @ )( @ ). You know why?!? Because the way I see it, a woman's breast is the single most beautiful of all images in the universe and ink just can't improve on the look of a woman's breast.

I have always believed that and I will probably take that belief to the grave with me.

Over the years I have had at least a few female friends who have tattoos on their breasts and I've yet to see one tattoo that's enhanced any woman's breast.

So........

There is a woman that I've known for awhile, she used to be a business associate of mine before she left my company and moved on to another position. I've known her for at least a few years now. Ever since I can remember, she had always worn a business suit or at least a jacket to work. I don't believe that I ever saw her dressed casually, even when the office had dress down days. In all the time we worked together I never saw her out of the office; and I hadn't seen her since she left last year.....until this past Friday afternoon when I saw her at a grocery store.

I didn't see her at first, she saw me. She actually walked up to me and spoke. She had always been very friendly and she always seemed to be a very nice person, with a very kind heart. She was the type of person that volunteered for charitable work and if I'm not mistaken she has a couple of foster kids. As I said, I'd never seen her dressed casually before, but Friday she was wearing a halter top and some shorts. I had always thought that she was a very attractive woman; but the thing that I liked about her most was the respectful way in which she carried herself. The first thing that I noticed about her Friday though was that she had a Chinese character tattooed on her left breast.

So after we exchanged pleasantries and we'd caught up, I asked her...."what does the Chinese character mean?"

She said "it means pleasure"....and she smiled. So I asked, "how do you know"?!? She smiled again and said "well I guess I really don't know but I've had this tattoo for ten years".

So I laughed and jokingly asked "how do you know it doesn't mean chickenhead or foolish woman who had too much to drink and got a tattoo"?!?

She laughed and told me that I was still the same overly serious yet silly Reggie she'd always known.

So I laughed and said..."still, if you don't know someone Chinese, why not Google it and see what it means."

She said she would.

So this afternoon she called me and told me that interestingly enough it doesn't mean pleasure, it means knowledge.

Shouldn't every woman know exactly what their chesticles say?!?

Have you ever seen breasts that were enhanced by a tattoo?!?

Loser boyfriends & Same sex marriage

2011-06-25T18:43:00.003-04:00

Today when I sat down to write this blog post I couldn't decide what to write about. I couldn't decide whether to write about "loser boyfriends" or same sex marriage; so I decided to write a little something about both.

This morning I had breakfast at a small cafe not that far from my apartment. I had an omelet, some toast and coffee, it was good fare. However while I was trying to enjoy my breakfast I couldn't help but overhear a rather loud conversation that was taking place at the table next to me. The two "ladies" seated at that table were going on about their "loser boyfriends/baby daddy's". They went on and on about these two "fools" who apparently couldn't do anything right during their lives. At times it seemed as if they were in competition to see whose boyfriend was the bigger loser, the most trifling. Neither worked or took care of their children or were worth the fuck it took to get them here. They both drank, got high, were lazy....yadda yadda yadda. I've heard far to many conversations like this one.

I've always hated to hear women bash their significant others (or men for that matter); if for no other reason than because they actually chose them in the first place. You see, I don't believe that very many men get to actually pick their women. The way I see it, women accept us and that's usually when relationships start. The only time that men get to pick is when they're either very handsome or very rich....or both. Which of course is very very few of us. So the way I see it is if he is a loser....you chose him. Next time, choose wisely and don't bitch about your choice after the fact.

Yesterday New York Governor, Andrew Cuomo, signed a bill into law that gave gay and lesbian couples the right to marry in the Empire state.

I've been married for almost 22 years and I honestly don't see the big deal about same sex marriage. If gays and lesbians want to marry, then I say so be it. I've never bought any of that bullshit about same sex marriage ruining the sanctity of marriage....that's just complete and utter nonsense.

I truly believe that gays and lesbians should have the right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.

My favorite quote dealing with same sex marriage comes from Arnold Schwartzenegger. He once said "I think that the only gay marriage should be between a man and a woman." Whether you're for it or not, you've gotta admit....that's funny.

Masturbation

2011-06-19T22:36:00.003-04:00

I must admit that I was more than a little amused and even confused over the controversy surrounding Congressman Weiner over the last couple of weeks. People were acting as if he were having sex with underage children or pissing on folks on camera or making babies with the hired help. No, dude was just chatting women up online and working his gherkin. Like that doesn't happen all day every day.

Why is it that people are acting as if masturbation isn't normal?!?

Okay okay, I admit it; there was a time in my life when I was regularly chokin' the chicken, spanking the monkey, flogging the dolphin, beating off, jackin' off, buffing the banana, wanking off, jerking off, playing with yourself, crowning the king, porking off, tootin' your horn, bashing the bishop, fighting the purple helmet warrior, rubbing the one-eyed snake, committing spermicide, taking your turn at the self-serve station, diddling, frigging, fishing with your zipper trout, beating the shit out of your midget friend, stroking your shortie, makin' mayo, polishing the family jewels or test-firing the old meat missile. Those were my teenage years. Some of us get over it, some of us don't. But clearly, there is nothing wrong with it. When you get down to it, it's actually safe sex.

Let he or she among you who have never known the pleasure of your own hand cast the first stone.

C'mon what's the big deal?!? Dude was masturbating. We've got real problems in this country. Our deficit is tremendous. We're involved in a couple of completely pointless wars. Unemployment is a problem for more than 9% of Americans that want to work. For my dynamic, men of color, unemployment has been double digits for a very long time. Foreclosures have cost tens of thousands of Americans their piece of the American dream. Gas prices are on the way up again. Our economy is in the shitter and entirely too many of my fellow Americans honestly believe that the way to solve our economic woes are more tax cuts for the richest 1 percent and corporations.........as if that hasn't already been tried. It would seem to me that masturbating is the least of our problems. Besides it's so prevalent among teenagers that I'm sure that a high percentage of them have tennis elbow........and they don't even play tennis.

Maybe we should all masturbate more?!? Masturbation isn't sex with a hooker or even a stranger. Isn't masturbation sex with someone you love?!?

Do as I say, not as I do!!!!

2011-06-11T22:33:00.002-04:00

I firmly believe that there are no perfect men, only perfect intentions.

None of us are perfect and all of us are subject to the many foibles of men.........and/or women.

I'm thinking that just about all of us have at least one habit that we're not particularly proud of. Oh we might not necessarily be hiding it. But I'm quite sure that there are moments of clarity when we probably promise ourselves that we'll cut down on that vice or cut it out in it's entirety.

*Steps to the podium*

My name is Reggie and I absolutely adore the taste of scotch. I don't drink anything cheap, I prefer Glenfiddich. I'm not an alcoholic, mind you, because I rarely drink. Seriously, I've only had one bottle of scotch in the last year. But I can certainly understand why people become alcoholics............I just don't intend on doing that myself.

*Steps to the podium*

My name is Reggie and I absolutely love the taste of a good cigar. Not a stogie mind you. Not that type of thing you might see a bum smoking or what a rat in a cartoon might have in his mouth, but a sho nuff good cigar. The type of cigar you'd find in a humidor in a cigar shop. Once again, I don't smoke cigars regularly, I recognize that they're not good for me.

While I enjoy these vices, they're not something that I indulge in around my children. My children are now both college students and they have never seen me smoke and I don't believe that either one of them have seen me drink more than one glass of wine in their lives. It's always been important to me that they don't see me doing something that I would consider to be detrimental to my health. Our children look to us for guidance. It's rather hard to tell them that they shouldn't be doing something that they've seen you do.

There are people in my family that have openly used drugs in front of their children. And not only that, but they had the audacity to try and lecture their own children when they caught them using those same drugs years later when they reached an age of adulthood. When I heard that, I thought it was the worst form of hypocrisy.

Tell me, what are your thoughts on this? Do you have a vice or vices? Do you indulge in these sort of vices around your children? Or do you know someone that does?

Let's talk about our vices.

Mammorial Day 2011!!!!

2011-06-03T16:12:00.005-04:00

One day years ago, while looking at my girlfriend's bare breasts rise and fall as she slept off one of our marathon love making sessions; it occurred to me that every woman's set of boobs are like snowflakes, each pair uniquely different.

I've always been fascinated by women's boobs and I've always had a strong appreciation for the beauty of a nice set of flesh pillows. To be honest, a woman's cantaloupes are probably, other than her face, the first thing that I'd always looked for in a significant other.

I don't believe that I'll ever tire of seeing a beautiful set of bouncers. I can't honestly remember the last time that I saw a bare set and I didn't smile. If ever the day comes that I don't take a second appreciative look when a woman walks by, check my pulse please. Truth be told, in all likelihood I'll probably be dead.

I don't care what you call them; boobies, titties, tatas, jugs, puppies, tits, honkers, hooters,

the girls, the twins, assets, jubblies, mammaries, bazookas, bristols, cans, teats, hangers,

melons, rack, milk depot, airbags, norks, fun bags, gunzagas, door knockers, bosoms,

headlights, watermelons, sweater puppies, tata tots, milk duds, twin peaks, the ladies,

fleshy milk cartons, fun bubbles, bazingas, boulders, sin cushions, melons, bottle rockets,
bongos, balloons, jumungas,snuggle puppies, bumpers, yummies, pointies, zingas or udders.

I can't honestly say that all the mugumbos that I've ever seen were beautiful. As a matter of fact, I can remember one particular pair that looked like potatoes (in my mind I nicknamed her Spudly).......not at all attractive. But the simple fact is that most jelly bonkers are beautiful and certainly worth a second look.........and sometimes three or four.

I've often heard some men say that the larger a woman's anthills are the dumber she is. The reality of it is that usually the larger a woman's breasticles are, the dumber we men tend to become. Logic, reason, rational thought and even some of that Vulcan shit is thrown straight out the window. We get really stupid.

I would like to thank all of the women that were kind enough to contribute a bit of their own loveliness in the making of this post. Your pictures were very much appreciated.

In celebration of these lovely chesticles, I'm proclaiming today Mammorial Day!!!

Child Molestation

2011-05-25T19:46:00.004-04:00

I've always been a staunch proponent of the death penalty; and I realize there are many people out there that will never agree with my thoughts on that subject. However, I offer no apologies whatsoever for my feelings about that. I've never met anyone that I've agreed with all the time and I'd certainly understand if people took issue with many of the feelings I've expressed in my blogs over the years.

I believe that anyone low down and perverted enough to molest or kill a child deserves the death penalty. I don't honestly believe that anyone that would molest or kill a child can be rehabilitated. So I see no reason why my tax dollars should go to feed and care for such an individual for an extended period of time.

Although I was not molested as a child, I know of far too many people that were. Child molestation may be the only crime I can think of off the top of my head where hanging might be too good for the perpetrator.

*****************************************

By the way, on a lighter note, my next blog will be about women's breasts; or more specifically women's nipples. If you'd like to contribute an anonymous picture, I'd be more than happy to post it. Please send that picture to Reggiesblogspot@yahoo.com. So many of my posts are of a serious nature (like this one), I'd like to lighten it up a bit next time.

Isn't it time that we bought our troops home?!?

2011-05-09T20:30:00.001-04:00

Well Osama Bin Laden is finally dead.

Not only is Osama Bin Laden dead; but the Korean War ended 58 years ago and World War II ended 66 years ago. Then why can't we bring the hundreds of thousands of troops we have deployed around the world home?!?

Don't you think it's time we bought our troops and the dollars they've been spending in other countries around the world home? Maybe they and those dollars would be more comfortable in Waco Texas or Beaufort South Carolina or Tucson Arizona or New Orleans Louisiana or Mobile Alabama or Memphis Tennessee perhaps?!?

It's way past time for the United States to bring ALL of it's soldiers home. There is absolutely no reason why we need hundreds of thousands of American troops deployed around the world. But maybe now that the great bogeyman is dead, maybe now is a good time.

Osama Bin Laden and Captain CombOver

2011-05-02T20:36:00.004-04:00

Well between the operation against Osama Bin Laden and his dealings with Captain CombOver regarding his birth certificate, I'd say that our president has had a very interesting week. While I've been critical of our president in the past (and I'm sure I will be in the future); I also recognize the differences in him and both his predecessor (that oxygen thief) and what we might have ended up with in The Oval Office after the last election (Dumb and Dumber). I don't believe he's a perfect man; but I don't believe that there are any perfect men, just perfect intentions; and truth be told, I'll take him in a pinch. Can anyone even imagine what might happen during a Trump Administration?!?

President Obama is a thinking man with strong convictions.

Lets take a moment to compare Barack Obama and The Donald.

One of these men is a cartoon character and the other man is a serious leader of men. One of these men is known for thoughtfully reflecting before commenting and the other one is known to shoot from the hip and to never check his mouth. I only wish that my fellow Americans would take the time to sit down and think for themselves and figure out just which role is applicable for each man. One of them is a complete egotistical megalomaniac and the other is a deep thinker. One of these men has something to hide (under his toupee) and one of them gave the orders to kill someone that had been hiding from American justice since the 90s after putting serious thought into the consequences. One of these men runs his mouth and goes through pretty women the way Van Camps goes through pork 'n beans; and the other one is about the serious business of running this country.

Serious times call for serious leaders. As far as I'm concerned, the one we've got now is about as serious as they come. Oh he's got some flaws, but with all things being equal, he's been a pretty good leader for us over the last few years.

We could have done a lot worse than President Barack Hussein Obama!!!

Are these your hooves 2011?!?

2011-04-17T21:15:00.002-04:00

Oh my god!!! Oh my god!!!

Today I may have seen the ugliest feet in creation.........and those hooves were in open toed shoes. In open toed shoes for all the world to see!!!!

I swear, I wanted to kill that woman for making me see those crusty hooves!!!

While I recognize that the weather is warming up and you ladies are starting to come out of that winter attire and those winter shoes.........please don't jump the gun. Please please please please wait until you've gotten a pedicure to unlease your hooves on the rest of the world.

Some of us would prefer not to see foul hooves or hobbit feet in open toed shoes. Please exercise the utmost care and compassion for your fellow man. Please don't subject your fellow man to a sight that might make a grown man snatch his own eyeballs out of their sockets and jump up and down on them.

Please do the right thing!!! Please get a damned pedicure for Christ's sake!!!

Are these your hooves?!?

Celebrating our Civil War!!!

2011-04-09T21:02:00.003-04:00

Charleston Democrat and South Carolina State Senator Robert Ford is someone who has never been accused of actually thinking before opening his mouth. He is someone who time and again has been able to find stupidity in something that should be a no brainer to anyone with common sense. If the name sounds familiar to those of you outside of this state, it could be because of what he said a few short months ago. In a debate over strengthening South Carolina’s illegal immigration law, Sen. Robert Ford "argued" against a new law because he said that “brothers” don’t work as hard as “Mexicans.” This was his "argument" during an official state Senate committee meeting. He was supporting the position that the state needs immigrants to fill hard labor jobs; such as construction jobs at the new Boeing plant here in North Charleston, because black Americans won’t do the work.

“I know brothers — and I’m talking about black guys — they are not going to do the dirty work at Boeing, to do that hauling and all that building, that dirty work,” Senator Ford said.

He went on to say that “brothers” do not want to perform hard work. “A brother is going to find ways to take a break,”.

He then followed that up with a comment about “blue-eyed brothers” also not wanting to work hard.

Senator Ford opposed the illegal immigration reform bill, which he said would harm the state of South Carolina.

He was immediately scorned by black leaders as well as state Republicans and Democrats, and called on to apologize, but the five-term senator stuck by his comments. He said his remarks taken in full context were not intended to single out blacks for having a poor work ethic.

Well I guess since he hadn't said anything quite so stupid in at least a couple of months; this week Senator Ford took the opportunity to right that particular wrong and set his stellar record straight.

While clutching a Confederate battle flag Senator Ford stepped to the state's Senate podium Thursday with one of the biggest screw faces I've ever seen. He was then quoted as saying..."it's time South Carolina started thinking differently about the Civil War."

He said South Carolinians are going to see a lot of those (Confederate) flags over the next four years. He says African-Americans can celebrate that the war brought freedom from slavery.

For those of you that slept during history class, the Civil War started here in the Charleston Harbor on April 12, 1861 when Fort Sumter was fired upon. Activities are planned next week here in Charleston and around the south in regards to that milestone 150th anniversary.

In short, the esteemed gentleman from Charleston decided to live up to being a true oxygen thief, since now he wants us to celebrate the Civil War.

To me he sounds just as ridiculous as those people that claim that our Civil War wasn't about slavery, but instead about states rights. Of course, I always ask....."state's rights to do what exactly?!?"

Some local politicians are backing off of the criticism around "celebrating" the 150th anniversary of the start of the war. Instead they claim to be "commemorating" it instead.

So rather than celebratory 150th anniversary balls and reenactments, we'll have commemorative balls and reenactments.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, I guess you can always baffle them with bullshit.

I'm forever entertained by those people that attempt to sugarcoat what the south used to stand for; and what the war and that godforsaken battle flag still stand for to me and so many other Americans.

Whats the difference in defending the Confederate position in our civil war and say a German defending the Nazi position in World War II?!?

Where do these people come from?!? These people that lack basic common sense and yet they aspire to political office?!? What's the difference in Senator Ford and those two batshit crazy imbeciles, Congressman Michele Bachmann and Governor Sarah Palin?!? It's politicians like this that pull crazy straight outta their asses and try and pass it off as sanity.

How could any sane thinking man of color be in favor of celebrating our Civil War?!? I could see celebrating the Emancipation........but the war?!? What was this fool thinking?!? He's lived in this state throughout his misguided life. He knows our trees have borne more than their share of strange fruit. He has to know that Charleston was once the nation's capital of the slave trade. By the start of the Civil War there were more than 400,000 slaves living in captivity in this state.

I can honestly only think of one reason why Senator Ford would even entertain taking this particular position about the American Civil War.

The Jewish question

2011-04-06T21:31:00.029-04:00

While I consider myself an educated person, I've never quite understood my country's Middle Eastern foreign policy. Ever since I can remember and certainly ever since I've been alive the Middle East has been dominated by Israel. Whether it's an acknowledged fact or not, the simple truth is that there is only one nuclear power in the Middle East and that's not Iran or Iraq or Kuwait or Afghanistan or Saudi Arabia or Syria. That lone nuclear power is Israel.

How come they're not due one of those long winded futile lectures from the UN and economic sanctions for possessing weapons of mass destruction?!? Is it because they don't admit it?!?

Why is it that politically in this country we seem to favor the Jews rather than the Arabs?!?

(and while we're at it, let's pretend that this is not so)

It's no secret that Arabs and Jews for the most part, have no love for one another. Or should we sit here and pretend that's not so too?!?

If there's one emotion that I can completely understand it's hate. Hate actually makes sense at times. People all over the world seem to hate the people that live right next to them and often look like them; if for no other reason than they're just different. Hate gives us an opportunity to focus our energies in a way that few emotions allow. The world is, has always been and will always be filled with people that hate one another simply because they're different.

I can't hate on the Jews, after all they get to wear those really cool hats; and truth be told, I'm partial to gribenes and matzoh balls.

Most Jews hate Arabs and most Arabs hate Jews......I mean right?!? Hating each other is both the new and old black. This reality hasn't changed since Hector was a pup and it's not changing anytime soon. Why do so many people pretend that these aren't facts?!?

Why do they hate each other?!?

They hate each other because of two basic reasons; religion and the one thing that no one's making anymore of............land. They covet the same land. For hundreds and hundreds of years, they fought for and died for that land. The Chosen people fought anyone and everyone and yet eventually they were defeated. So more than a thousand years ago large numbers of the Jews migrated out of the area, leaving a majority Arab population. So for 1,000 years or more the so called Chosen people spread throughout Europe, Asia and the rest of the world. Of course thousands stayed behind, but those people learned to live in Palestine (yeah that's what everyone else called it) as a so called minority.

Of course during World War II everyone's favorite insane Nazi, Adolph Hitler, made it his business to exterminate as many Jews as he could. Why really isn't important to me. When crazy motherfuckers do crazy shit........does it really matter why?!? Does the homeless man on the subway that's clucking like a chicken really need to explain himself?!? Well suffice it to say, that crazy bastard sent millions of Jews to their deaths in concentration camps throughout Europe. It's no secret that when this was occurring, it really wasn't the best kept secret in the world. The major governments of the world were aware that "something" was happening to the Jews in Europe. To say they didn't know what was going on......would be a lie. If the Germans had been as meticulous as Stalin at killing folks, there probably wouldn't be any Jews left in Europe today. Now Stalin, he was a man focused on killing those people that he hated or had no need for....but that's another blog entry. It's also not a secret that while Jews around the world sought refuge from the deprivations of the Nazis, not too many nations seemed to be particularly interested in taking them in. It was only during the later part of World War II, when the allied armies rolled forward and retook the lands conquered by the German war machine; and these so called concentration camps were liberated "with cameras present" that the world's "civilized" governments stepped forward to be shocked and saddened by the viciousness and barbarism of the Hun. But of course that didn't really occur until the light was shined on this so called Holocaust.

Shortly after World War II ended, Jews relocated by the tens and hundreds of thousands to Palestine and in 1948 declared themselves masters of the newly created Israel. Now it's not as if that land didn't belong to somebody. It would be as if Native Americans rode into modern day Manhattan and declared it "Man who walks with a fat sack land".

The way I see it, life's just too short to extend all my energies hating someone that I've never met before. So I'm the type of person that believes in a "live and let live" mentality. But truth be told, in all likelihood if I were born a Jew, I'd probably hate Arabs; and if I were born an Arab, I'd probably hate Jews. It is what it is I suppose.

Ahhhhh yes, the evil Arab.

Why does he hate us?!? Why does he fight us?!?

Is it because we love freedom and they don't?!?

Is it because they think that all women should wear those beekeeper suits and all men should have beards long enough to hide their nuts?!?

No
Is it because his religion teaches him to hate us?!?
That could possibly be it........

But maybe he also fights and hates us because we're his enemies best friend?!?

The friend of my enemy is my enemy. That and the fact that we have been embroiled in their politics for more than a 100 years now.

Even if they forgave all us Christians for forever screwing around in their politics and the crusades and for being "infidels"(funny huh), it's not likely that they'll be forgetting our meddling anytime soon.

Why have we taken sides as a nation in a spat between the Jews and the Arabs?!?

Why?!?

Is the reason biblical?!?

Is it because the Jews are the so called Chosen people?!?

I wouldn't mind being chosen to go on vacation or to win the lottery....so I understand the appeal of being chosen.

One of my earliest memories as a child that I can remember where Israel and it's Arab neighbors are concerned was of watching helicopter gunships on NBC's Nightly News raining down missile and bullets on Arab civilians because they were throwing stones at Israeli troops.

Missiles and bullets........for rocks and stones?!? Really?!?

And yet, no one seems to called the Chosen people barbaric. Far from it, they'll defend their tactics and rationale for murdering innocent civilians all day long.

No one seems to call the Jews barbaric when they assassinate "terrorists" with bombs and missiles while their families are there to be served up as collateral damage.
Will there ever come a time when the deaths of Arab children anger people in this country the way that the deaths of Jewish children do?!?

We get oil from the Arabs and nothing from the Jews. Then why is it that we're allied with the Jews and not the Arabs?!?

Nasty Mofo

2011-03-26T17:06:00.000-04:00

The older that I get, the more patient I find that I am becoming. However there are some things that I'll probably never become particularly patient about.

This morning I decided to burn a few calories by walking to a McDonald's that's not that far from the apartment that I moved into 3 weeks ago when I sold my house. I like to walk and any excuse to walk is something that I'll regularly undertake. I had just sat down and taken my first bite out of my sausage, egg and cheese biscuit (and it was the business) when the knuckle dragging idiot seated next to me in a suit blew his nose into a big booger filled red handkerchief.

So I looked at him and said "Do you mind sir, I'm eating my fucking breakfast. Why don't you take that little party into the men's bathroom".

I have absolutely no patience for nasty. I firmly believe that instead of 7 dwarfs that there were originally 10; and the other 7 asked Cheesy, Funky and Nasty to leave!!!

Can you believe that nasty mofo actually looked at me as if I hurt his feeling. But at least he had the common sense and common decency to get up and leave.

Nasty Mofo!!!!

Nigga please!!!!

2011-03-17T00:47:00.006-04:00

In the immortal words and voice of my great uncle Alphonse, I'm gonna have to say "Nigga please!!!" I'm also gonna have to throw the bullshit flag on Adrian Peterson and the rest of those whiny ass NFL players. It's bad enough that my favorite sport may see yet another strike because billionaires and millionaires can't come together and decide to do the right thing for themselves, the game and their fans. On top of that, we have to sit and listen to complete and utter bullshit about how they see themselves in relation to their place in the world.
Keep in mind that the average NFL player makes about 1.6 million dollars a year.

Americans as a whole have become the whiniest bitches on the face of the Earth. But it's patently ridiculous for a man that will earn in excess of $10 million dollars this year playing football, to refer to himself and his other rich football playing peers as slaves. Ridiculous. The only chains those fools are wearing are the gold ones around their necks. They don't have a clue. What slaves in the history of mankind have been able to DEMAND that their "massas" open up their financial records and show them their actual profits to the penny?!? What slaves do you know that drive Bentleys?!? How many slaves do you know that have starlets, models and every centaur-esque assed video vixen making a damned fool out of themselves for them?!? How many slaves can go out to the stripclub and make it rain?!? How many?!?

It's just as ridiculous as when Kellen Winslow referred to himself as a “fuckin' soldier" a couple of years back. He's not a soldier. If he is, then he's underdressed and overpaid.........and unarmed. If he's a "fuckin' soldier" then he needs to get his ass to Afghanistan!!!

Sometimes through the hustle and the bustle of the day; and particularly when we're full of ourselves and full of shit too, we tend to step on our dicks or just say stupid shit!!!

I'll have what the kid's having thanks!!!

2011-02-25T20:51:00.003-05:00

I've always been a big fan of milk, I never outgrew loving the taste of it. Usually I prefer mine ice cold. I also have no problem admitting to you that the sweetest milk that I've ever tasted in my life was breast milk, no question about it. As a matter of fact, there was a time in my life when if I didn't have any milk or cream available for my morning coffee, I wasn't above squeezing something fresh and warm into my Cafe DuMonde. And while I admit that I've looked enviously at many an infant munching at the milk depot over the years, I'm not sure I'd want to drink breast milk out of a bottle. Or even out of a can for that matter. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't want to drink it at all. Now that I think about it, it seems kinda gross to be drinking random breast milk.

Where did all of this come from you say?!?

Well I was amazed to hear that an ice cream parlor in London was offering frozen breast milk treats as part of their regular menu. It's becoming all the rage in London these days. It's supposed to be very very good. While I love ice cream and I certainly love ( @ )( @ ), I don't think that I'll be joining in on this craze. I've always had a peculiar fascination with women's chesticles mind you, stemming all the way back to the days of my youth. Perhaps this was due to the fact that I was denied the ( @ ) as a child and given the bottle instead...............who knows?!? No doubt there's a psychiatrist somewhere who'd love to have me on his couch for a session or two to explain this fascination to me. But in any case I've always had mad love for a nice set of sweater puppies; and while a beautiful pair of knockers will forever quickly get my attention, I won't be drinking any strange breast milk anytime soon.

This is yet another example of something that's ALMOST a good idea.

Sealed with a kiss

2011-02-20T19:39:00.005-05:00

I'm not what you would call an animal lover. I've always loved my animals with salt and pepper.

Although I don't own a dog myself, when I was growing up my family did own a dog or two. I don't necessarily dislike dogs, I'm just not one of those people that are moved to own one. I don't like the idea of cleaning up after myself. So I just don't see myself running after a dog with a pooper scooper, cleaning it's shit up. Seriously, in that relationship.....who is truly the master?!?

Over the years I've seen dogs do some fairly disgusting things. They're quick to drink out of the toilet and I've seen more than a few lick their balls like they were licking an ice cream cone. Not to mention the dozens of times I've seen dogs licking and chewing on their own asses. Of course, I don't expect them to do any less, they're just animals after all.

What prompted me to write this?!?

Well, yesterday when I was out and about; I happened to see a blonde woman in a BMW parked next to me at Walmart allow her dog to lick her in the face. Then do you know what that nasty heifer did?!? She actually kissed the dog back. It's not like it's the first time I've seen that happen, but I've always thought that sort of thing was rather nasty. As a matter of fact, I think that's beyond nasty.

A dog is an animal that licks it's own ass and drinks out of the toilet. Why in the flapjack titty hell would a woman allow her dog to lick her on the face?!? Why would any woman kiss a dog?!?

I'd eat a dog before I kissed one.

It puts the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again!!!

2011-02-12T10:17:00.002-05:00

It's still cold outside and yet I've seen more and more people wearing shorter skirts and short sleeved attire over the last several days. I don't have a problem with that, provided they take the time to lotion up their ashy ass appendages. During the last week I saw some of the ashiest elbows, ankles, knees and hooves (that blog entry will be forthcoming) that I've seen in awhile.

Me?!?

Oh yeah, I'm ashy every single day. Why? Because I wash my hands constantly (germaphobe) and I absolutely refuse to put lotion on every single time I go to the men's room. But if anything that should actually make people feel better about me since you know I'm washing my mitts while I'm in there. The people you want to watch out for are the ones that come out of the bathroom with soft, moist hands...they ain't washing theirs. While I might not be as ashy as Larry, Reggie can be a fairly ashy dude too (full disclosure). But I'm absolutely NOT the person walking around in open toed shoes with feet that look like I just walked through flour.

....and for God's sake, please put some Chapstick on those crusty ass lips!!!

Is it too much to ask that people use lotion and Chapstick on a regular basis?!?

Babydaddy

2011-01-31T20:14:00.005-05:00

The very best thing that I've ever done in my life is to become a father.

The way I see it, it's only natural that a father would want to actively be involved in their child's life. If not, they're not in a position to lead, teach, motivate and encourage them on their journey through life. Our children are supposed to be reflections of us and any good father wants to have a hand in helping to shape and mold his little one(s).

Of course I know men that have had children and not had anything to do with them. But to me, those men aren't worth more than two dead flies. Making children doesn't necessarily make someone a man. It's just too bad that more people don't understand that fact.

I couldn't sleep Saturday night, I believe it's because I drank entirely too much coffee Saturday. So I got up out of the bed and went to the 24 hour Walmart that's not too far from my house. I picked up some chicken wings and hotsauce and charcoal and I don't mind telling you that I grilled the hell outta that chicken Sunday. But this post isn't about me sticking my foot in that chicken............I did though. As I sat there in line waiting to check out at Walmart, I listened to this young woman in her 20s go off on a young man she was talking to on the telephone. To make a long story short they had a daughter together (she was sitting in the cart) and he hadn't seen her since Christmas, he hadn't given her any money in weeks, he barely gave her any money for Christmas, she was sick of his ass, he was trifling, he was lazy, he didn't know how to be a man, he had a small penis; and basically, she didn't know why she was messing around with his sorry ass in the first place....yadda yadda yadda. She didn't care who heard her, she had no shame. Clearly she was angry and fed up. From the sound of her side of the conversation, I can sincerely tell you that it sucked to be that man she was talking to.

I realize that there are men out there that have no desire to take care of or even see the children they've fathered. But I also believe that there are millions of men out there that love their children and are positive influences in their lives. As a matter of fact, I know some of those men. I have more than a few male friends that are single parents too. They take care of their children without any assistance whatsoever. Now do I believe that there are anywhere near as many men in those circumstances than women?!? Well no, of course I don't. I realize that for the most part it's women that have been forced to make a way from themselves and their children. But the reality is, there are many men out there like that. I hate to hear any man or woman refer to their child's mother or father as trifling or a sperm donor or an egg giver.

Of course according to the "Urban Dictionary" there are at least a few definitions to the term "baby daddy", such as.....

The father of your child, whom you did not marry, and with whom you are not currently involved.

A male that fathers a child but is no longer involved with the mother of the child/children,and more than likely not supporting the childern.

One who skeets and runs.

A man that doesn't know half of the responsibilty with raising his own kid, cuz he isn't around much often.

A guy who isn't your boyfriend, or your husband, or even really your friend, but happens to be the father of your child.

Sperm donator that willing conceive the baby and is no where to be found when its time for parenting. Part-time parent.

The father of your child; the one who was committed to having sex with you, but wont commit to marriage.

Today while getting my daily exercise, I put some thought into all of the young males that I know, whether they're family or friends or merely acquaintances. Most of the men that I know that are heterosexual and unmarried and at least 28-30 have at least one child out of wedlock. Many of them have good relationships with the mothers of their children, but some of them I know don't. It's a sad thing indeed when a child doesn't get the benefit of the best of both their parents. We need to do better by our children.

Once again, the single most important thing that I've ever done is to be a parent. There are times that my children drive me absolutely crazy, but I am a far better person for having them and raising them to what they are today. I am proud of them, I love them and I would gladly give my life for them.

The way I see it, a man that doesn't understand that isn't worth more than two dead flies and he isn't worth knowing.

Morbidly Obese

2011-01-23T22:06:00.006-05:00

This past week I spent a couple of days in Atlanta with my wife. I was just taking a couple of days off, she was on a business trip. She usually flies to these things, but I offered to drive her since it's only a few hours away. She was going to an office there to give some kind an informational presentation. Anyway after she was finished with her presentation, we went out for dinner. We went to Flemings Steakhouse and I'll tell you that the food was very good. My wife and I split a big salad, before she had some sole and I had a medium rare New York strip. We also shared some creamed spinach and some really tasty mashed potatoes. About the same time that we sat down, a morbidly obese woman in a red dress sat down at a table by herself right next to us. That dress she was wearing was as bright red as a fire truck and damned near as big. She was close enough to me that I could actually hear her order her food. She ordered some kind of appetizer, steak and lobster, a baked potato and two other sides; and she also ordered the molten chocolate cake for dessert. The cake looked really good, so much so that I almost ordered it myself.

Between our salads and her appetizer we were all pretty much eating at the same time, but she finished her food long before we did. To say she ate her food is probably not a fair description, she actually devoured it. She must have been hungry, because she ate quickly. It wasn't exactly quiet in there, but I could hear her fork hitting her plate and I could hear her eating her food.

And when I say she ate, it was as if a leopard had dragged a wild boar or a gazelle up a tree and started eating it. I couldn't possibly describe the sound of that woman eating, but it was almost enough to turn my stomach. When we ordered coffee after dinner, she was finishing up her dessert. Like I said, she ate quickly. Although I didn't see her pay for her food, I saw her when she got up to leave. When she got up to leave, her butt was so big that the chair came up with her ass. She initially looked surprised, then she looked thoroughly embarrassed. Her waiter then assisted her in detaching the chair from said ass, then she got up and hurriedly left. There are those that would have laughed at her, all I felt was sorrow for her.

Once a couple of years ago I took my daughter to a Ryan's Steakhouse for the breakfast buffet. I really didn't want to eat there, but my daughter was rather insistent so I took her. After I paid for our food, we found a seat in a corner and went to the buffet. After grabbing some food at the buffet, we headed back to our empty seats by the corner window. A morbidly obese woman in a green dress sat down next to us. She had already been to the buffet and had a plate full of bacon, sausage and eggs. She had no concept of table manners whatsoever. My daughter noticed it initially, but then I could hear her eating too. She practically inhaled her food, as if she hadn't eaten in days. The sounds she made were nauseating. Truth be told, it looked like she had 12 or 13 eggs on her plate and a half a pig. We had barely touched our food when both my daughter and I just stopped eating. We just couldn't eat anymore, it's hard to describe exactly what I felt. We basically left after taking two or three bites of our food. I don't think that I'll ever forget the sound of that woman eating her food. It completely turned my stomach.

My wife is completely fascinated by the growing number of television shows that deal with morbidly obese people losing weight. She's forever watching those types of shows and those shows on Discovery where people go and fix up dilapidated housing. According to her, she likes the idea of fixing or shaping up something and making it beautiful. She also says that she finds it inspiring when people are able to leave their caterpillar behind and turn into a butterfly. So because of that she watches The Biggest Loser, Heavy, I used to be fat, I'm too fat for 16 and Discovery Body Challenge.

My wife doesn't necessarily like the part where the extremely fit personal trainer yells and screams at their morbidly obese charges when they're encouraging them to work harder in their efforts to lose weight. She's forever referring to these people as Nazis and heartless, mean spirited bastards.

Last night as one of these shows was going off, it cited a statistic that took me by surprise. It stated that our country, The United States, is home to the most obese people in the world. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, obesity in American adults has increased by 60% within the past twenty years and obesity in children has tripled in the past thirty years. A staggering 33% of American adults are obese and obesity related deaths have climbed to more than 300,000 a year, second only to tobacco related deaths.

I don't doubt that there are plenty of reasons and/or excuses why there are 100,000,000 obese people in this country. And the reality is that we live in a land of plenty, where technology has allowed for significant increases in the quality and quantity of food being produced. But 100,000,000 obese people?!? C'mon, we can do better than that. Any damned fool can eat themselves to death.

I believe that universal health care would be a very good thing for our country, a very good thing indeed. But unless we're all collectively willing to eat healthier and live more active lives; we're dooming ourselves to unhealthy, unnecessarily shortened, miserable lives.

Cocaine is a helluva drug!!!

2011-01-14T13:45:00.002-05:00

Just like a neutered dog, I guess I just don't get it.

I never got around to trying cocaine myself. I was never really moved to try it. I'm one of those people that like to be in control. That's just one of the reasons I stopped drinking years ago. Besides, I'd always preferred to remember all of the debauchery and depravity that I participated in. I never wanted to be cheated by one of those blackout moments. You know, one of those moments when your friends walk up to you the next day pointing and laughing......that foul and funny shit you did that you don't even remember.

I don't understand why so many great men and women have allowed themselves to be dragged down by using drugs. It's not as if they can't see whats happened to the scores of other people that have either been killed or bought down by drugs in the past. Politicians, actors and actresses, musicians, sports stars, doctors, lawyers and even us common folk have fallen time and time again.

What was Lawrence Taylor thinking?!? Then again, the last person that I can remember that got caught with the hooker and the blow was Marion Barry and he got re-elected......right?!?

It's hard for me to feel sorry for that people that suffer from an addiction; whether it's alcohol or drugs. But there is that part of me that looks at my own relatives and friends that are afflicted with these damned addictions and wishes the best for them. I think of all those people that I've known that have had that monkey on their backs. Nothing breaks our hearts like thinking of that cousin or uncle we've all got that just can't kick that foul habit. That relative or friend we HAD that didn't survive their trip into the hell of addiction.

Why?!? Why can't these people simply just stop smoking and drinking this shit?!? I understand the chemical aspects of it once you're hooked, but what makes people do this shit in the first place?!? I guess its just like when Pookie said...."it be calling me man, it be calling me"!!! I guess that shit never called me.

Ask yourself..........over the years, how many good and talented people have drugs taken down?!?

Homothug

2011-01-09T18:23:00.004-05:00

Ahhhh yes, the homothug.

I have no doubt that there is actually a formal, generally accepted urban definition for a homothug. But since I don't know it and since I'm on the outside looking in, I'm gonna pull this straight outta my ass. To be honest, I'm just as scared of homothugs as I am of werewolves, Bigfoot, El Chupacabra, little green men from Mars and Reaganomics. The absolute worse thing that can happen to a straight man is to have a homothug roll up on you and kick your ass.

When I think of homothugs, I think of the character of Omar Little from The Wire. He was the quintessential homothug. He was certainly the first one I remember seeing on TV. He was a hardcore brother that was roguish as hell, who just happened to be gay. Omar was my favorite character on The Wire, his character was a definitive anti-hero. Although Omar had no problem robbing or even shooting drug dealers, he had a certain amount of "street honor" and dignity.

Of course, a few years back I used to work with this guy named Alfredo, who referred to himself as a homothug. Alfredo, who actually looked like John Leguizamo, was very open about his sexuality. He was also the first person that I ever even heard use the term "homothug". So my perception of what a true homothug is, is primarily based on that brother. Although he's the only homothug I've ever actually known, I must admit he was a lot like Omar, just a tad bit more sophisticated. Alfredo was also funny as hell. He's one of the funniest people I've ever met and he was very proud to be a homothug.

Trust me, no one wants to run into one of these hardcore dudes in a dark alley.

Sheena had a weiner!!!

2011-01-03T13:32:00.007-05:00

Last week I ended up laughing at something that I probably shouldn't have. But hey it's not like that's the first time that I've ever done that. You see, last week a friend of mine and I met at a bar and grill for lunch. Mike and I have been friends for years and occasionally we'll get together to catch up or just chew the fat, but I hadn't seen him in awhile. He's funny as hell and he's always on the lookout for his next ex-wife. He's been married three times already and once again, he's single. Anyway for lunch I had a chef salad and a club soda and as usual he had a mostly liquid lunch. The simple truth was that I had to go back to work after lunch and he was off for the week. But that wouldn't have mattered, he's always had a thirst for alcohol, he likes to get his drink on. After he'd had about 4 or 5 very large beers, he ended up approaching a "woman" who was sitting at the bar making eyes at him. He hadn't initially noticed "her" because he had his back turned to her, so I was actually the first one to see that "she" kept making eyes in our direction. I'm pretty sure that "she" was making eyes at me, but I wasn't interested; so being the good friend that I am, I hipped him to the attention we were getting. Of course, he was slightly intoxicated when he walked over to say "hi"; before beating a quick retreat back to our table. Me being the subtle type I asked him if he got "his" number and laughed. Then, of course, my friend was mad at me because I'd failed to point out to him that "she" was in fact a "he". I'm one of those people that thinks it's funny when a man dressed like a woman attempts to pick up unsuspecting guys. For the life of me I've never understood how guys can't see men dressed in women's clothes from a mile away. "She" had hands like baseball mitts, feet that looked like boots and a huge Adam's apple to boot.

Just like Tone Loc said....

I went up to this girl, she said, Hi, my name is Sheena

I thought she'd be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina

She said, I'd like a drink, I said, Ehm - ok, I'll go get it

Then a couple sips she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it

So I took her to my crib, and everything went well as planned

But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man

So I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener

You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

Sure "she" looked like this from the back.

But "she" looked like this from the front.

Now this certainly isn't the first time that I've seen a man out dressed like a woman. I remember once years ago when my buddy Chaka and I were in this club in Montgomery Alabama, when a shemale picked him up. When I pointed out to him that he was dancing with and kissing on a man, all hell broke loose that night. That shemale barely escaped a serious beat down.

While I've always been the happy go lucky sort, my boy Chaka was definitely the violent type. Before that night (or rather that morning since it was quite late) was over, Chaka pulled a gun on me and threatened to blow my brains out if I ever breathed a word of what happened to him that night. Of course, Chaka also once pulled a gun on me and threatened to blow my brains out if I ever laid a hand on his sister. His sister, Shae, was cute; but she was also a little too young for me. Yeah, it was shortly thereafter that Chaka and I stopped hanging out anyway.

I don't hate on anyone for loving who they love or getting their freak on the way they want to. After all, this is the land of the free and the home of the brave and all that shit. It's supposed to be a free country, so if there is something you'd like to do.......then you should be doing it here without shame or explanation to the next man, just as long as what you're doing is legal. I don't advocate violence against anyone, it's just never been my way. But I also believe that men that dress up like women run the risk of going to an early grave, if not a serious beat down.

Crab lice and even more serious shit than that!!!!

2010-12-24T20:06:00.007-05:00

Ain't no shame in my game.

When I was 18 years old I learned a hard and simple truth; and that is that crab lice will make you scratch your nether regions in front of your grandmother, Jesus Christ and Barack Obama while on national television.

If you've never had crab lice before....and some of you will pretend like hell that you haven't when you know goddamned well you have.....it's not a particularly comfortable feeling.

Crabs or pubic lice are small crab-shaped parasites that burrow into the skin to feed on blood. They live on coarse body hair, predominantly pubic hair, but can also be found in armpit hair, facial hair and even on eyelashes. The lice are yellow-grey in color and use their crab-like claws to grip hair strands. They can sometimes be spotted moving on the skin.

They can also burrow into your moustache hair.....that I can personally and honestly attest to, as well. If you don't ask, I won't tell.

Crabs are easily passed on during sex, but can also be passed on through sharing clothes, towels or bedding with someone who has them. Despite all the bullshit that you might hear, crabs cannot be transmitted via toilet seats or swimming pools. If someone has ever told you that they got crabs off a toilet seat, they told you a goddamned lie.

Me? I ended up with crab lice in my pubic hair the size of biscuits!!!

24 hours and a few applications of a pediculicide named RID later and I was as right as rain. As a matter of fact, when that happened to me, that was the very first time I ever shaved my crotch. It was definitely a new experience for me, all the way around.

If I close my eyes and think about it hard enough, I can still see the face of the young woman who gave me that first (ain't no point in lying, it happened again) dose of the crabs. She was rather sexy. As a matter of fact, she kinda looked like a thicker version of Kelis. Oh she wouldn't have been skinny, because I've always liked my women as thick as a cold bowl of grits!!!

No bullshit, I actually went back to her about six months after that first time......and caught them little bad boys from her again. Why?!? Because truth be told, her poonanny was so good it could have walked on water or parted the Red Sea; and if you threw it up in the air, it would have turned into sunshine. After that second experience, I nicknamed her "Miss Crabtree" and I stayed the hell away from her. Thank God for RID and I'm glad to see they still make it.

Even now years later, whenever I think about those crabs that took up residence in my crotch, I'll invariably reach down and scratch myself just for the hell of it.

As a matter of fact, I'm scratching my shit right now!!!

Even though I've been the unfortunate beneficiary of crab lice and a couple of other unpleasantries over the years, there are certainly far worse things that one can acquire while chasing tail.

For instance.......

*Bacterial Vaginosis*
Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) is caused by an imbalance in the normal healthy bacteria found in the vagina. Although it is relatively harmless and may pass unnoticed, it can sometimes produce an abundance of unpleasant fishy smelling discharge. BV is not strictly an STD as it is not transmitted via sexual intercourse. However, it can be exacerbated by sex and is more frequently found in sexually active women than those who have never had intercourse. While there is no clear explanation as to why BV occurs, there have been suggestions that the alkaline nature of semen could be one cause, as it may upset the acidic nature of the vaginal bacteria. Another cause can be the use of an intrauterine contraceptive device (coil). A woman cannot pass BV to a man, but it is important she receives treatment as BV can occasionally travel up into the uterus and fallopian tubes and cause a more serious infection. Treatment for BV consists of applying a cream to the vagina or taking antibiotics.

*Chlamydia*

Chlamydia is one of the most commonly reported bacterial sexually transmitted diseases. It is caused by the chlamydia trachomatis bacterium. It infects the urethra, rectum and eyes in both sexes, and the cervix in women. If left untreated, long-term infection can lead to fertility problems in women. Chlamydia is transmitted through genital contact and/or sexual intercourse with someone already infected. Symptoms of chlamydia usually show between 1 and 3 weeks after exposure but may not emerge until much later.

*Genital warts*

Genital warts are caused by some sub-types of human papilloma virus (HPV). They can appear on the skin anywhere in the genital area as small whitish or flesh-coloured bumps, or larger, fleshy, cauliflower-like lumps. They are unlikely to cause pain but may itch and can be difficult to spot. Often there are no other symptoms of genital warts, but if a woman has a wart on her cervix she may experience slight bleeding or unusual coloured vaginal discharge.

*Gonorrhea*

Gonorrhea (once known as the clap, been there done that) is a sexually transmitted infection that can infect the urethra, cervix, rectum, anus and throat. Symptoms of gonorrhea usually appear between 1 and 14 days after exposure, but it is possible to have no symptoms. Men are more likely to notice symptoms than women. Symptoms can include:

*a burning sensation when urinating;

*a white/yellow discharge from the penis;

*a change in vaginal discharge;

*irritation or discharge from the anus (if the rectum is infected).

*Hepatitis*

Hepatitis refers to viral infections that cause inflammation of the liver. Several different types of hepatitis virus exist (labelled A to G), with hepatitis A, B and C being the most common. Hepatitis can occur following excessive and prolonged consumption of alcohol or the use of certain medicines and drugs, but it is most commonly caused by a virus.

*Herpes*

Herpes is caused by two strains of the herpes simplex virus, type 1 (HSV-1) and type 2 (HSV-2). HSV-2 is more common and usually manifests itself in the genital and anal area, whereas HSV-1 is more likely to affect the mouth and lips in the form of cold sores. On a global scale, HSV-2 is a very common STD. Symptoms of herpes usually appear 2 to 7 days after first exposure to the virus and last 2 to 4 weeks. Both men and women may have multiple symptoms, including:

*itching or tingling sensations in the genital or anal area;

*small fluid-filled blisters that burst leaving small painful sores;

*pain when passing urine over the open sores (especially in women);

*headaches;

*backache;

*flu-like symptoms, including swollen glands or fever.

Once the first outbreak of blisters has gone, the herpes virus hides away in nerve fibres near the infection site, where it remains dormant, causing no symptoms. Symptoms may come back later (particularly during times of stress and illness) but usually in less severe and shorter episodes.

*Trichomoniasis*

Trichomoniasis (also known as Trich) is caused by the single-celled organism trichomonas vaginalis, which is transmitted through sex. It can infect the vagina and the male and female urethra. Often this STD presents no symptoms, though women are more likely to have symptoms than men. If symptoms do appear, they can include:

*discharge in both men and women (sometimes copious and unpleasant smelling in women);

*discomfort or pain while having sex;

*pain when urinating and inflammation of the urethra.

*Women may also experience an inflammation of the vulva and they may develop cystitis (an infection of the urinary system).

Transmission is usually through vaginal, anal or oral sex with an infected person. The most effective prevention method is to practise safer sex by using condoms. Treatment for both men and women is a drug called metronidazole which can be taken orally or applied as a gel. It is important for any sexual partners to also be treated as trichomoniasis can be carried and spread without symptoms. If a woman is pregnant then she should seek medical advice before pursuing treatment.

*Syphilis*

Syphilis is a bacterial infection caused by Treponema pallidium, which used to be known as the pox. It is usually sexually transmitted, but can also be passed from an infected woman to her unborn child. Syphilis progresses through several stages, of which the primary and secondary stages are very infectious. Syphilis symptoms can be difficult to recognise and may take 3 months to appear after sexual contact with an infected person. They include:

*one or more painless ulcers on the penis, vagina, vulva, cervix, anus or mouth;

*small lumps in the groin due to swollen glands;

*a non-itchy rash;

*fever or flu-like symptoms.

Left untreated the infection progresses to a latent stage. This may be followed by tertiary syphilis, which can seriously affect organs such as the heart, and can sometimes lead to death.

As I said before, fortunately for me, I never acquired any permanent sexually transmitted ninjas in my sexually reckless years. But I did end up sitting in a doctor's office once or twice over the years for a shot in the ass or a handful of pills. Some people haven't been quite as fortunate as me and some others far luckier.

Is there shame in your game?!? If not, spit it!!!

It hurts when I pee

2010-12-19T19:11:00.002-05:00

I'm what you might call a salaried Customer Service professional by trade. For those that don't know, that basically means that I get a salary to lead, teach and motivate a staff of around 15-20 people to give world class customer service. There are a lot of things that I like about my job, there are some things that I absolutely hate. I enjoy the interaction and coaching that I do with my team. I even enjoy when I am able to resolve an issue for someone, especially when they thought that they were just shit outta luck.

The thing that I hate most about my position is when it becomes necessary for me to effect corrective action against my staff; corrective action that might lead to termination of employment. Another thing that I absolutely hate about my position is when I get lied to, either by customers or by my staff. Customers lie about all kinds of things to get their way; I hate it, but I've grown accustomed to it. The most common lie that I hear from my staff is when someone attempts to call out or leave early. Over the years, I've heard some really lame and ridiculous reasons for people calling out or trying to leave early.

This guy named Alfredo wanted to leave early because according to him "I shit myself"; and yes I let him go home. This guy named Vince called out three times over the course of three consecutive years because his grandmother died. I fired his lying ass. Betty claimed her hemorrhoids were "vigorously bleeding". I didn't even go there with her, I told her she could leave. Cleo claimed her foot fungus was acting up and she needed to go to the doctor. I suggested she go on her time and no I didn't let her leave. This guy named Tony who didn't realize that he wasn't still supposed to be wearing "disco ties" in the 90s wanted to leave early for an afternoon AA meeting. I suggested that he attend a nighttime session. This guy named Santos called in drunk, one time too many. We decided that he needed to find another job as well. A supervisor who reported to me named Vanessa tried to call out from excessive sex from her fiance' who was a good 20 years older than her. I told her to bring her sore ass to work and she did.

When I worked in a similar capacity in New Jersey for a telecommunications company, there was this guy that reported to me named Jaime. Jaime was half Italian and half Puerto Rican and the women absolutely loved him. Someone like him has worked in every office I've ever worked in. He's that handsome guy that ends up sleeping with most of the attractive available women in the office.....and many of the married ones too. He didn't turn down nothing but his collar and although everyone seemed to know that, that fact didn't stop a lot of women from sleeping with him. I really liked him, he was a really fun guy to be around, he loved life. He worked for me for a couple of years before transferring to another department.

The day he turned 30, his father rented a Navigator limousine and about 12 of us went clubbing in Hoboken, NJ and Manahattan.....talk about a wild and crazy night!!! I'd tell you what happened, but what happens in Vegas (or Hoboken) stays in Vegas. Jaime was a fool!!!

As much fun as that night was, that's not what I'll forever remember Jaime for.

What I'll always remember Jaime for was the very first and only time he called out sick while he reported to me. He called out on what should have been his last day in my department. The following Monday he was starting a new position in a different department.

This was the call I took early that morning.

**My office phone rings**

Me: Good morning this is Reginald how can I help you?

Him: Hi Reggie.

Me: Oh good morning Jaime, what's going on?

Him: I know you don't want to hear this Reggie, but I'm calling out today.

Me: Why, what's going on Jaime?

Him: Yeah you know that girl Jessica in the office? Yeah well, she's one nasty bitch.

Me: Yeah I know, her reputation is classic, but what does that have to do with you calling out today?

Him: It hurts when I pee.

Me: ** Blank Stare**

Snooping

2010-12-12T13:31:00.002-05:00

A wise man once said, "Temptation is like a knife, that may either cut the meat or the throat of a man; it may be his food or his poison, his exercise or his destruction."

So your significant other leaves their cellphone or laptop out and you know they won't be home for awhile or perhaps they're asleep or in the shower. Do you take the opportunity to snoop through your lovers personal belongings?!?

If you do then maybe you'll find that text message that you really didn't want to find when you decided to take a quick peek. Or maybe you'll even find that exotic picture message or maybe that risque IM or email. If you do, what do you do?!? Weren't you wrong in the first place for snooping?!? Or is it wrong?!?

I don't know anyone who doesn't want to have a trusting relationship with their significant other. But the simple fact of the matter is that we're never more vulnerable than when we trust someone.

And when that trust is betrayed, we're never more angry, volatile or prone to acts of the most unspeakable violence.

It's when we're betrayed that we become prone to throw hot grits on a bare ass or to burn all of our lover's clothes or even throw those clothes out of a window. It's then that we might key their car or take a pair of scissors to their clothes or maybe even Crazyglue our lover's dick to their thigh while they're sleeping(ouch).

Why are you even thinking about snooping in the first place?!? Do you need a reason?!? Do you think that it's your right to do so because you're in a relationship with this person?!?

Is it because all men cheat?!? Is it because all women are far sneakier and more devious than men?!?

Even if you do find something does the end truly justify the means?!? If you found something would you keep it to yourself because of the way in which you found the information?!?

Have you ever snooped through the personal belongings of a significant other?!? If so, what did you find and what did you do?!? Do we do this because we want to find something?!?

Did Brett Favre get a free pass?!?

2010-12-04T20:42:00.006-05:00

Is it just me or does it seem that our little friend (allegedly), Brett Favre, seemingly got a free pass on those allegations of his sexting pictures of his joystick to a fellow Jets employee earlier last year?!? If you didn't know, a few months back a story broke about Brett Favre and how he allegedly sent pictures of his "magic mushroom" to a woman that worked for the same organization that he played football for. Why is this important?!? Well it's not really important at all, unless you count the fact that I had absolutely nothing else to blog about tonight. Seriously though, I just wonder why a story like this featuring the highest profile quarterback currently in the NFL goes nowhere; and yet this time last year all you could hear about was a certain golfer's taste for feminine flesh.

Hey it's not as if either man were breaking the law. But it seems to me that one of these men ended up in the news on a daily basis and apparently the other "golden boy" got a free pass on his lecherous behavior. God knows I got sick and tired of hearing about Tiger Woods during the latter part of 2009 and during most of this year. If you recall his shenanigans (which I would never co-sign) started last Thanksgiving and finally died down earlier this summer. I've heard and given about as many Tiger Woods "horny as they come" or "Tiagra" jokes as I ever care to hear.

At this point, we all know way more about Tiger's sex life than anyone should want to know. For a minute there it looked like he'd screwed every porn star, waitress, hooker and/or blonde this side of the Mississippi.

I just can't look at this picture of Tiger without wondering just which one of his mistresses he's thinking about when he's here smiling next to his wife. Don't trip, you know he's got a smile on his face for a reason.

I don't even watch golf and I've never really cared for Tiger Woods myself, but even I was starting to feel for the bastard earlier this year. It's not like he was breaking the law either. This horny bastard was just getting a little (actually a lot) of strange on the side; and look at the shit storm he ended up in just because his wife caught him and (allegedly) ended up going upside his head with a golf club.

Apparently the only downside of this whole sad and sorry Brett Favre episode has just been the whole world finding out that Brett Favre's penis is a tad bit underwhelming.....to say the least. Who sends pictures of their small penis (which is what every woman I know that's seen said pictures has said) to strange women?!? Then again, what's worse?!? Your wife finding out that you're allegedly sending pictures of your dick to other women; or the whole world finding out (at the same time as your wife) that you're sending pictures of your little dick (allegedly) to another woman?!?

If I put my mind to it, I'm sure that I could think of a million other things I'd rather be doing than having to explain to my wife why I sent pictures of my penito to another woman.

But if you think about it, other than having to explain this sad and sorry affair to his wife, Brett's pretty much gotten off scot free. Sure he's been on television a few times, but nothing like Tiger....right?!?

The only person that I can think of that got "off" cleaner and without repercussions other than Brett Favre had to be R. Kelly. Hell Robert allegedly peed on half the girls in Chicago and he's still not pissing on anyone in jail. As a matter of fact, he's probably somewhere stepping in the name of love or singing the "Piss on you" remix to someones underage daughter right now.

God knows I'm proud of my good old Alabama black snake too. It's not like I've kept mine entirely to myself over the years. Of course, I've never gone out of my way to share mine the way Brett allegedly shared his. But I do know that sometimes when we're proud of something; whether it's a trophy, something really awesome, pictures of our children or some other accomplishment we tend to want to share it with others. Maybe Brett got carried away?!?

Then again, I'm not quite as cool as Brett; nor am I anywhere near as muscular. I've never owned a muscle shirt in my life and I don't plan on buying one anytime soon. Of course, I'm also not hung like a squirrel. "Nearly breaks his arm patting himself on the back".

Everyone seems to love Brett, even if he allegedly likes showing pictures of his bony macaroni to strange women through his picture phone. I for one refuse to pass judgement on Brett for wanting to "share" pictures of his meat thermometer. Maybe he's just overwhelmingly proud of his pork sword?!?

Now let me ask you this. Would you be more inclined to show off your penis if it were large, rather than small like Bretts?!? Would you be more inclined to show off your boobage if you had a perfect set of breasts as opposed to having a foul set of flapjack titties or having just one small tittie and one big tittie?!? If you had one small tittie and one big tittie would you nickname them Biggie Smalls?!?

White Trash Christmas

2010-11-28T01:04:00.008-05:00

I hate Christmas. You know why?!? Because it's so commercialized and during this time of the year, the worst in people comes out (this blog for example). Each year I seem to end up buying a bunch of gifts for people that I really don't even like. Truth be told, I even hate sending Christmas cards. During this time of the year I'm expected to say "Happy Holidays", "Merry Christmas", "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Chaka Khan" to people that I'd much rather tell to fuck off. And not only that, each year we're all inundated with images of shit on television and on the Internet that major corporations have decided are "must have" items for that particular holiday season. And while I don't necessarily yield to the peer pressures of buying all the electronic crap that I simply "must have" and can't supposedly live without, I don't like being "pressured" to do so.

This past week on Thanksgiving Day, I decided to take advantage of the 75 degree temperatures here in South Carolina by getting some exercise. For those of you that don't know, I like to walk around my neighborhood and get as much exercise as I can. I'm trying to eat healthy and maintain a somewhat active lifestyle. I ate so much on Thanksgiving Day I felt like I should have been stuffed on someones table with an apple in my mouth. Anyway, before I stuffed myself silly; while I was out and about in my neighborhood, I noticed one of my neighbors putting up Christmas decorations. He lives a few doors down from me and he's a friendly enough guy. Sure he's missing a couple of teeth; but I'm sure that just means he doesn't have to buy as much toothpaste as the rest of us. He was lining his driveway with these big plastic candy canes and he'd already hung what looked to be thousands of Christmas lights all the way around his house and all over his yard. He had boxes and boxes of what appeared to be oversized Christmas ornaments stacked neatly in his driveway. He put up a huge red and green merry go round in the middle of his yard. He also had displays of Santa Claus and his reindeer and a few large plastic snowmen in his yard as well. As a matter of fact, he had so much shit in his yard, it looked like a forest of cheap holiday decorations or the makings of a yard sale in the north pole. So I walked by my neighbors Christmas shrine and went for an extended walk. I wanted to take a picture of it with my cellphone, but I didn't want to be too obvious. I actually ended up walking to a grocery store. It was about 4 miles from my house and when I went I picked up some last minute ingredients for my wife to use in making our Thanksgiving dinner. I was able to kill two birds with one stone with that walk, because I needed to pick that stuff up and I needed the exercise too. When I did walk home, a couple of hours later, my neighbor was still decorating his house and yard. As a matter of fact, he spent the entire day doing that.

My neighbor put up so many lights, at night his house could be mistaken for an airport, complete with runway and landing lights. As a matter of fact, if his neighbors shut off all their lights at night; they can probably read in their homes by the tacky ass lights he put up in his yard. Seriously, dude went a bit overboard.

Mind you, I don't want to be mean. But let's be honest, I've never been a person accused of saying too little anyway. My neighbor is a classic example of southern white trash. I've seen yards like his time and time again. I have no doubt that he probably has relatives in the Appalachians, the kind of people immortalized in the classic movie "Deliverance". He and his wife look so much alike, they could be brother and sister....or at least cousins. They're the type of people that if four of them are standing together, they don't have a full set of teeth between them. You know, some of Jeff Foxworthy's folks. Honestly, I probably have just as many white trash friends as I have ghetto friends. They're good people for the most part......for the most part anyway.

You know what really annoys me about my white trash neighbors?!? They're gonna leave those decorations up until February. Goddamn them!!!

Who is Santa anyway?!? Some fat old drunken moonshining redneck?!? Do you think he over decorates his home too?!? I swear I hate Christmas!!!

Oh yeah, bah humbug!!!

Is doing that really boning?!?

2010-11-21T20:50:00.008-05:00

In my last post one of my regular followers, Michelle my dear Canadian friend, made the statement "we never had SEX sex though... just messed around." That got me thinking........just when is sex actually sex and when isn't it?!? Is there such a thing as having sex, without actually having sex?!?

By the way, I like to call this picture my RiPPa/Mandingo picture.

I truly believe that sex is like air or money; because it's not important to you unless you're not getting any. With that being said and with apologies to former President Clinton; even if you don't leave your feet, it's still a cheat, if you did indeed experience an orgasm....or not in some instances.

Intercourse, oral sex, hand jobs, anal sex, threesomes, titty fucking, orgies or even masturbation; it's all sex to me. If the end result is my having an orgasm (and that's always a good thing), then sex occurred. Over the years I've heard people say that "we just fooled around"; like oral or anal sex, aren't actually sex. Or I'm still a virgin; although I don't mind having anal sex. Huh?!?

It was a wise person who once said, "sex is nature's way of saying hi".

Well.................HELLO!!!

Shitting where ya eat

2010-11-17T18:46:00.005-05:00

I don't shit where I eat.......not anymore anyway. That's a promise that I made to myself many years ago. By keeping that promise to myself, I'm sure I've saved myself a great deal of heartache and a whole boatload of embarrassment.

But lets be honest, at some point in our lives many of us have indulged in a relationship with someone that we've worked with......myself included. I know I've seen some office relationships over the years that became long term committed relationships. But I've also seen a whole host of office relationships that have ended ugly........very ugly.

Many of us fall into the trap of having an office romance, even though most of us recognize that it's a big mistake. The only thing worse than having an office romance go bad; is having an office romance with someone who's already in a committed relationship go bad. But there's absolutely nothing worse than a nasty breakup and then having to look at that person day after day after day.

I can also honestly say that in almost every office I've worked in, I've walked in on an "office encounter" of some sort; whether it was just a kiss or an embrace or full blown sex.

The reality is that sometimes these relationships are going to happen. Physical attraction is seemingly beyond our control, or our will, or even our intentions. And I'm sure that we all realize that there are no perfect men (or women), only perfect intentions....right?!? We've all done it before or we know someone who has. My advice would be to not do it. But since we're all human and since we all know that sex will sell when bread don't; I'd recommend that if you're going to do it, at least stay professional and be discreet about it.

Let's talk office romance.......don't be ashamed, be honest.

What should be legal?!?

2010-11-07T17:46:00.011-05:00

This past Tuesday when the Democrats were taking it up the dookey chute all over the country, voters in California rejected a proposal to legalize marijuana for people over the age of 21. Proposition 19 lost by a margin of 54% to 46%; with 11 of California’s 58 counties voting in favor and 47 voting against.

Now before I type another word, I will tell you that I do not smoke marijuana; but I do not understand why marijuana is illegal. While I don't smoke it, I do know more than a few people that do; and other than the occasional munchies requiring a pizza delivery, they don't seem to have any serious health issues associated with Mary Jane. It is a matter of public record that not one single American died due to marijuana related causes last year. If anything, it stimulates growth in our economy by causing the ordering of tens of thousands of pizzas and the purchase of tens of thousands of chicken wings yearly. Of course at the same time, in this country, almost a half million people die from smoking-related illnesses each year. Overall, cigarette smoking accounts for about 30% of cancer deaths. Of every 5 deaths in the USA, at least 1 is caused from smoking.

Worldwide, 47 percent of men and 12 percent of women smoke a total of 6 trillion cigarettes a year. In the United States, at least 600 billion cigarettes are smoked every year .
About four million people die worldwide each year as a result of smoking. Comparatively of the almost half million people that die in the United States yearly due to tobacco use; this is more than the number of people who would die every year if three jumbo jets crashed each day with no survivors.

Tobacco kills more Americans annually than AIDS, alcohol, cocaine, heroin, homicides, suicides, car accidents, and fires combined. So I ask you, why is tobacco legal?!?

Its also an absolute fact that drinking and driving causes over 25,ooo deaths a year. Overall 100,000 deaths occur each year due to the effects of alcohol. There were 43,443 alcohol related traffic fatalities in 2005 in the USA. As a comparison, AIDS claimed 18,000 lives in 2003.
How can alcohol be blamed for 100,000 deaths each year?
5% of all deaths from diseases of the circulatory system are attributed to alcohol.
15% of all deaths from diseases of the respiratory system are attributed to alcohol.
30% of all deaths from accidents caused by fire and flames are attributed to alcohol.
30% of all accidental drownings are attributed to alcohol.
30% of all suicides are attributed to alcohol.
40% of all deaths due to accidental falls are attributed to alcohol.
45% of all deaths in automobile accidents are attributed to alcohol.
60% of all homicides are attributed to alcohol.

So I put it to you again. Why are cigarettes and alcohol legal and able to be purchased in almost any public place around the country; and yet marijuana is illegal?!? Why?!?

Quality time

2010-10-31T20:01:00.021-04:00

A couple of decades ago when I was an undergrad at Alabama State University, my father sat me down for a heart to heart conversation. At that time, he voiced his concerns over some of the decisions I'd made and the direction that my life might take as a result of those decisions. It wasn't the only heart to heart conversation we had, but it's one that I've clearly remembered through the years.

My father wasn't a particularly sensitive man. He wasn't the type of person to talk about his feelings and he had an old school view to life. The way my father saw it, men were men and women were women and we all had roles to play in the scheme of things. My father actually worked in Montgomery where I went to school, so he asked me to meet him at his office. When he saw me, he took one look at my hands and asked me if I had taken leave of my senses.

You see my girlfriend at the time was a cosmetologist and on a regular basis she cut my hair, gave me facials, gave me pedicures and she routinely filed and painted my fingernails with a clear polish.

One of the men that my father worked with saw what transpired and overheard what my father said to me and he asked my father what would he do if I was gay. My father looked him dead in the eye and said "I'd shoot him". The man laughed, but I looked at him and without cracking a smile told him "he wasn't joking, he was serious".

Fast forward to the present. Earlier today I had lunch with my son, Reggie Jr. He came home from school this weekend because I summoned him home. I say summoned him, because when I asked him to come home last week, he made a lame excuse for not being able to come. He knew very well that I was very very upset over some of his recent decisions and concerned about the direction that his life might take as a result of those decisions. So as a consequence of all of that, I insisted that he come home.....thus the summons. As I said, I took my son to lunch today and when I did I let my son pick the place, he chose Hooters. It's not the first time he and I have eaten there together, it's probably the third or fourth time. Truth be told, he likes chicken and ( @ )( @ ) just as much as I do. The conversation that we had today wasn't particularly pleasant, but it's a conversation that I believe was most necessary.
Sometimes fathers and sons need to sit down and have a conversation. Some of those conversations are going to be pleasant and some of them are going to be fierce. There's nothing wrong with a man having a fierce conversation with his son; as a matter of fact, it's essential to a young man's life. I would hope that the conversation my son and I had today will stay with him for the rest of his life.

My female friends

2010-10-23T19:35:00.027-04:00

Throughout most of my adult life most of my closest friends have been women.

Why?!? I'm not entirely sure, but throughout the years I've gotten along very well with women.

Oh I've had my share of guy friends too, but I've usually had more female friends than male. One of the things that I've always appreciated about my female friends is that they can give you perspectives from a woman's point of view that men just can't.
I find that women are painfully honest about things that guys don't give a second though to and they'll even feed me. Although I might have close friends that are of the feminine persuasion, I've never forgotten for a moment that they're the opposite sex. ( @ )( @ ), in my humble opinion, are the most beautiful image on the face of this planet; nothing comes close to being second.
So if you and I are friends and you happen to be wearing something low cut that reveals feminine boobage; then don't get angry if I sneak a quick peek. My father used to always say, they're nothing wrong with a man looking at the menu as long as he eats at home. Over the years I've noticed that some of my female friends have been rather offended when they realized that I'd taken a quick look at them. One particular friend of mine sticks out in my mind when I think of this. She actually lectured me for a good five minutes when she caught me taking a moment to appreciate her rather ample chesticles. I didn't understand why she was so pissed off that day. You'd think that I'd shot her or something; or maybe told her that she had bad breath the way she carried on about that.
The way I see it, I'm supposed to look. The day I stop looking, please check my pulse; because in all likelihood, I'm dead.

Please don't be offended if you catch me taking a quick look. It's certainly not meant to be disrespectful.

Saturday night with Godzilla

2010-10-17T19:59:00.015-04:00

Lately I've been having problems sleeping at night. Usually I'll just lay there in bed staring at the ceiling, thinking good thoughts, until I've able to finally drift off to sleep. I need a good five or six hours a night to deal with the daily stresses of work. However, since last night was a Saturday, I didn't fight it. I decided to just get up and watch a few movies until I fell asleep. I figured that after watching a movie or two, blessed sleep would come for me....but I was mistaken. I started off watching the movie Predators and although I wasn't totally impressed with it, it made for a good late night movie while munching on some popcorn.

After the Predators movie ended I still wasn't sleepy, so I watched a Godzilla movie. To me, Godzilla is absolutely awesome!!! I like Godzilla movies because they make absolutely no sense at all. I could watch Godzilla breathe radioactive fire for hours on end.............so I did. After the initial Godzilla movie ended, I popped in another one. My son has a nice collection of classic Godzilla movies. I actually used my VCR to watch these movies, I wasn't even sure that it still worked until last night.

After the second Godzilla movie went off, I turned on my cable and went in search of a movie. I happened upon "The Crying Game", just as it was coming on. I hadn't seen this movie since I saw it at the theatre when it first came out. I'd forgotten what a truly great movie it is. I really enjoyed this movie the first time I saw it.

After The Crying Game went off; and as the sun was coming up, I finally dropped off to sleep. I only slept for a few hours. After I woke up I went for my morning constitutional (about 6 miles) and then I watched the pregame show; before sitting down to watch the Steelers game with a friend that lives a couple of houses down from me. My friend Dave and I are both Steelers fans. The game was great, Big Ben was back and the good guys won in the end. As frustrated as I was with Ben Roethlisberger earlier this year, I was happy to see him back on the field throwing touchdowns.

While I was watching the Steelers game with my friend Dave, we talked about a lot of things regarding football....including Brett Favre. Neither he nor I could understand just why Brett Favre would want to send pictures of his gherkin to someone on his cellphone.

Now the honest truth is that I haven't seen the pictures of whats supposed to be Brett Favre's wang. But a woman that I know who is used to seeing a man with a gifted tool, my wife, assured me that the pictures were underwhelming at best. She described his genitalia as a very small ugly mushroom (boy you women are vicious)

By the way, doesn't Brett Favre look like an absolute fool in this picture?!?

What's worse, having a small penis or your wife finding out that you've been sending pictures of your small penis to other women?!?

The Crab Complex

2010-10-08T20:33:00.029-04:00

Former United States Secretary of State Madeleine Albright once said, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." I'm a man and yet that one statement makes all the sense in the world to me. I'd always heard about the Crab Complex; but like many things in life, one has to see it or experience it to truly appreciate it for what it is. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the Crab Complex; it's what happens when you have a large number of crabs in a bucket or a basket. Whenever one crab aspires to leave the rest, that crab invariably ends up being pulled back down with the rest; when one or more of the other crabs reach out to that individual, thus.......the crab complex.I used to work with a reprehensible woman, her name was Valencia. She and I worked as managers in an office in New Jersey for a telecommunications company. We weren't the only managers in that office, there were seven of us. But she and I were the only two managers of color. All of the other managers were Caucasian. We each managed a staff of approximately 20 representatives and the seven of us reported to a general manager (also Caucasian). We worked in the financial services end of the business. Our representatives were about as ethnically diverse as any group could be. As a matter of fact, the office kinda resembled The United Nations. Interestingly enough only I and two of the Caucasian managers had degrees. The other four managers, including Valencia had worked their way up into management. The other three of us had been hired as managers. As managers we all had various responsibilities, one of which was to interview and hire the representatives that we managed. Those representatives made an above average salary and had the opportunity to move up if they performed well.

As I said the other manager of color, Valencia, had moved up herself after working for many years in a front line capacity. Valencia had some fairly solid managerial skills; she had excellent interpersonal skills and her coaching abilities were suburb. She was very personable and most people liked and respected her. As good as she was at the things that she did know, she could be rather defensive about the things she didn't know, both about the office and life in general. She wasn't particularly technical, she was very hands on though. Valencia presented herself as a very religious woman. She went to church at least twice a week; and sometimes it seemed that every other word out of her mouth had to do with Jesus or scripture.

When we interviewed candidates for our representative positions, we conducted panel interviews with at least two or three managers involved. On several occasions Valencia and I interviewed perspective candidates together. We interviewed all types of people together and we usually agreed on whether or not to move forward in the hiring process with almost all of our candidates. But I started noticing that there only seemed to be one particular dynamic of candidate that Valencia and I disagreed on; and that was educated women of color. The first few times it happened, I wrote it off to differences of opinion. But invariably whenever a young woman of color with an education sat to interview with us, Valencia would seemingly immediately display a lack of interest in her as a candidate. I couldn't understand just why she was so put off with women of color with college educations. It puzzled me because she and I probably agreed 99% of the time on all the other candidates we interviewed. I kept questioning myself as if I was the one with the problem. The whole thing just didn't make sense to me, particularly since Valencia had two daughters in college at the time.

One day one of my other peers and I were working on an issue together in my office when Valencia and another of our peers walked past us with an applicant headed towards one of the conference rooms we used for interviews. My peer, a young Caucasian woman looked at me and said, "you know she's not going to get that job". I looked and asked her why she would say that. She looked me square in the eye and told me that everyone knew that Valencia didn't hire educated black women and that she'd seen her resume and she knew she had a degree.

For whatever reason I didn't want to admit it to myself, but in my heart I knew that the other manager was right. It was staring me right in the face all along, but for whatever reason, it was really difficult for me to face the reality of what that meant. I guess I'd grown used to other people hating us, I'd seen or experienced that my whole life. But when we start hating us, we're seriously in trouble. I'm a man of color, anyone who looks at me knows that. But when I go to work, I pride myself on not being the black manager. I lead, teach and motivate and I do not discriminate. I'll hire anyone, no matter how they look, if I think they'll make a good employee. I don't focus on color when hiring; but I'd be an absolute liar if I said I didn't see it. But no matter what I do; I want to be fair to all people, whether they look like me or not.

I despise Valencia and all people like her.

This is why I'm in favor of the death penalty!!!

2010-10-04T16:26:00.008-04:00

No this isn't about Karl, I actually like Karl Childers. Karl Childers was a victim of his own circumstances........such is life. Still, since Karl killed his mother, Karl should have been put to death.........but that's another blog entry.

I've always been a staunch supporter of the death penalty because of people like these two dirtbags below. The way I see it, they're oxygen thieves. The rest of us need the air that they're wasting by breathing it. If it were up to me, all people like this would receive the death penalty. These two geniuses committed a home invasion three years ago in Connecticut. By the time it was over the father was beaten to within an inch of his life with a baseball bat; and the two daughters and their mother had been sexually assaulted and all three were dead.

I don't think that my tax dollars should be used to feed people like this. Scumbags like this need to receive the death penalty; and as far as I'm concerned electric chairs, firing squads and lethal injections are far too expensive for the likes of them. They should be hung by the neck until they're dead. A good rope could be used again and again and again. I also believe that it should be televised with a Pay Per View option. Now that's must see TV!!!
As far as I'm concerned, the type of person that would do something like this, doesn't deserve to live. Even with the few reservations that I do have about capital punishment, I don't that I could ever be in favor of abolishing it. Rather than pushing back on it, I'm in favor of speeding up the process and substantially increasing the number of prisoners executed.

Common decency

2010-09-30T13:23:00.015-04:00

Just when did we lose our common decency?!? Simple common decency and respect for one another. You know, that stuff our grandmother taught us when we were growing up. Self respect, respect for others, being a responsible member of society, good manners and all that stuff.

Where did our common decency go?!? Today I saw two stories that really disturbed me. The first story was something that I read on CNN.com regarding a student at Rutgers University that committed suicide this week. The other story (or stories) was a posting (actually two) from RiPPa's blog; that detailed how the author, Tracy Renee Jones, has been subjected to blatant sexual harassment for years by men of color. This week an 18 year old Rutgers University student committed suicide after his roommate and another Rutgers student videotaped him having sex with another guy and broadcast that encounter on the Internet. He'd apparently asked his roommate for some privacy (like most of us did when we had a roommate in college); and when he thought he was alone with his lover, his roommate streamed the encounter for all to see. The gay Rutgers freshman was apparently so distraught that he took a header off the George Washington Bridge, killing himself instantly. Both students involved in the taping surrendered to campus police and were released after posting bond.

Why would anyone think that it's okay to do something like this?!? Regardless of your roommates sexuality or whether or not you even liked them, this type of thing is so rude and disrespectful. It's one thing when someone broadcasts their own sexual proclivities for all to see, but someone else's?!? What the hell were they thinking?!?
Today I also read a story from RiPPa's blog, originally written by another blogger, Tracy Renee Jones. She highlighted some of the experiences she's had since she was a child, dealing with sexual harassment.
Normally I have no problem defending some of the things that men do; but it's hard, if not impossible, to defend this type of behavior. Sometimes I wonder just what some people are thinking when they believe it's acceptable to disrespect people so blatantly in this fashion?!? I've provided the links to the two stories below. Trust me, they're disturbing. When I read stuff like this, it makes me want to take a hard look at myself and how I interact with all women; even though I realize that I've never indulged in anything remotely close to what Tracy Renee experienced.

http://www.rippdemup.com/2010/09/oh-so-now-im-bougie-bitch-because-i.html
http://www.rippdemup.com/2010/09/street-meet-black-women-black-men.html

Why is it so difficult these days for people to treat each other with compassion, respect and common decency?!?

Am I an enabler?!?

2010-09-28T21:00:00.018-04:00

My friend Angela and I met years ago on Yahoo 360. She and I became fast friends and we got to know each other fairly well through each others blogs. She's an educated, sophisticated, intelligent, beautiful woman with a sense of humor. She's also quick to call herself fat. Of course when I see her, I'd always seen her profile pictures; which like most women's, focus on her face. She says she's overweight, but I couldn't really tell that from her pictures. She told me a few months back that she was seriously considering lap band surgery to help her lose weight. I cautioned her against the surgery, only because there are no guarantees where your health is concerned with any surgery.

If you're not familiar with lap band surgery, this is what it entails....

The Lap Band is a device that fits around the top of your stomach. Think about it like a belt. It fits around the top of your stomach, gently compressing it. So you are left with a small part of the stomach above the gastric band, and the rest of your stomach below the Lap Band. Some think about the Lap Band as creating an hourglass figure in your stomach. Just like an hourglass is narrow in the middle to slow down the sand that goes through it, the Lap Band narrows the stomach to restrict the passage of food through it.I also jokingly told Angela to be careful not to lose too much weight, because don't nobody want a bone but a dog. It was at that point, that my dear friend Angela went off on me.

Oh she yelled, she screamed and she called me everything but a child of God; and to top it all off, she called me an enabler. She said I was like every other black man in this country. She said it was because of men like me that she was so goddamned fat. She was absolutely enraged and she screamed at me so loud, my cellphone felt like it was on vibrate.
Now was I surprised to hear all that?!? Not really, she's gone off before. When she's passionate about something, she'll usually go off for a minute or two. I guess the only difference is that this tirade lasted a little longer. When the sister was finished, she was damned near outta breath. So I asked her, why I gotta be an enabler?!? She told me that men had been telling her that she was "fine" and "beautiful" and "thick" her whole life and what we didn't tell her is what her doctor told her. That she was overweight and in danger of losing her life if she didn't diet and change her lifestyle.

I let her go off on me, because sometimes that's what friends are for. We need to be there to support our friends, offer friendly advice and sometimes to take the brunt of our friend's frustrations.......and sometimes to just get flat out cussed out.

When she had exhausted her rage, we said our goodbyes and hung up; but then I started seriously thinking about what she said.

I don't believe that all of us are supposed to look the same. I've always thought that there were plenty of women out there that looked great carrying a few extra pounds around. I've always been of the mindset that the only thing that a woman that weighs 100 pounds can do for me is to point to one that weighs 150. But....who can honestly say that Jennifer Hudson doesn't actually look better just a little bit smaller?!? I've always thought that she was beautiful; but to be honest I think she's even more beautiful now than she was before she lost the weight.
Take this woman for instance. The difference in what she was when she was heavier and what she is now that she's lost weight is the difference in night and day. It's not always the size of a person though, what matters is their health. If you're not healthy, then how you look should be a secondary consideration. This doesn't even begin to speak on just how she feels about herself.

Is this true of all women?!? Well, perception is reality.

Maybe I have been an enabler?!? Since I've last spoken to my friend, I've had a long time to think about that. I want my friends to be healthy, I don't want them to leave this world before their time.Maybe Sir Mix-A-Lot was right?!? But then again, maybe he was wrong?!?

Gay men love the church like a fat kid loves cake Part II; or better yet, Eddie's pelt!!!

2010-09-26T18:22:00.010-04:00

God knows that far too many of us have certainly beaten this story of Bishop Eddie "love you long time" Long to death. Particularly since it's such an awful story that speaks to the lowest levels of human nature. I'd like to say that I'm tired of trotting this story out for yet another laugh; but that just wouldn't be true. But perhaps by focusing on Eddie's apparent predatory nature, we're possibly missing out on an important aspect of this whole story that far too few people are paying attention to.

Why does God's representative here on Earth need to wear a pelt in the pulpit?!? Does it keep his pointed head warm?!?

I mean after all, that is most certainly a pelt on his head. The only thing it's missing is a chin strap. Why would he need to wear that in the pulpit?!? Yeah I know what you're thinking......."Reggie why kick a man when he's down?!?" But.........why not?!?
Maybe in this picture below he's attempting to get an endorsement deal with
UnderArmour?!?
I understand that many of you are reserving your judgement for the time when Bishop Long finally admits to doing this shit. Well if that's your stance, you're certainly a better person than me. Perhaps you're not offended by this man's obvious unnatural desires, betrayal of trust, that pelt he's been wearing in the pulpit, his predatory nature or total disregard for what he's supposed to stand for? What will it take for us as a community to stop turning a blind eye and a deaf ear to people like this?!? I mean the only thing he's missing in these pictures are nipple rings. But who knows, maybe they're under those tight ass shirts he wears?!?

Gay men love the church like a fat kid loves cake!!!

2010-09-24T20:19:00.005-04:00

Is it just me or does it seem like gay men love the church the way a fat kid loves cake?!?

I sincerely hope that this man is innocent. You know why?!? Because I honestly don't think that the church can stand to have yet another hypocrite step forward and cry on television and ask for our eternal forgiveness. Though I must admit that I am somewhat interested in seeing how this whole thing plays out. You know why?!? Because I honestly don't have a dog in this particular fight. But while I was tooling around the Internet earlier today, I saw where Bishop Eddie Long had called for a national ban on same-sex marriage and his church counsels gay members to become straight. In 2004, he led a march with Bernice King to her father's Atlanta grave to support a national constitutional amendment to protect marriage "between one man and one woman." I guess he just didn't want the competition.

Ain't that some shit?!? Even Eddie doesn't believe in same sex marriage!!!

Do you know who is the real beneficiary of this scandal?!? Easy, the Catholic Church. Maybe they engineered this whole thing?!? Maybe the Pope was tired of having to lie and pretend that he'd never heard of priests having sex with little boys?!?

For the life of me, I'll never understand how someone who is supposed to stand for something spiritual like this, could so blatantly put themselves first. How could a grown man want to take advantage of children or young people that looked up to them in this fashion?!? Personally I just couldn't forgive someone for betraying this type of trust with children. God forgives..........Reggie doesn't, not for some things. I started not to blog this topic. Particularly since I know that everyone and their mother will probably want to write about this; but I really couldn't resist. Particularly since I had so many mean things to say about this.For instance....I know that this is an old picture; but I'm hoping that they can get back together......I hope it works out. Which one of these men would you say was the dominant partner in this relationship?!?

No seriously, why do you think that there are so many gay men involved in the church?!?

Cold busted!!!

2010-09-20T21:41:00.012-04:00

My father used to always say "there ain't nothing wrong with a man looking at the menu as long as he eats at home". That was his way of saying that it was healthy and only natural for a man to look at the odd woman every now and again. Truth is, the older I get, the smarter my father becomes to me. The way I see it, my running my eyes over a woman's anatomy is about as natural as a hiccup or having gas. Of course I pride myself on discretion, discretion is important. Just because I'm gonna look, everyone doesn't have to know. I remember a young woman once telling me that she liked going out with me because I never gave her the "pork chop look". Actually I gave her the "pork chop look" all the time, she just never caught me doing it. I've always practiced the "sun philosophy" when looking at women. When you treat them like you're looking at the sun, you've gotta look and then look away. If you look too long, you just might hurt your eyes; plus I just don't like getting cold busted.
Anyway Sunday I went for my afternoon walk around my neighborhood, just like I do almost everyday. I was trying to walk as quickly as possible, because I wanted to get back to see the end of the late afternoon game. Anyway I turned a corner and looked up to see a middle aged woman walking and talking on her cellphone. She was wearing some shorts and a midriff shirt with the sleeves cut off. To my utter horror, I could clearly see that her shirt wasn't quite long enough. Her flapjack titties were peeking out of the bottom of her cutoff shirt. Or rather, her flapjack tittie's nipples were peeking out like a couple of turtles peeking out of their shells. I'd always wondered just what people meant when they referred to "flapjack tittie hell", now I most assuredly know. It was all I could do to not snatch my eyeballs out of their sockets and jump up and down on them. That rather disturbing image has been forever burned into the splinter of my mind's eye.

Last night I took the wife to a movie. We went to see "The Town" and I must say that it was an excellent movie. When we were walking into the movie, something happened that I won't forget anytime soon. A young couple walked in ahead of us. He was tall and very thin. She was short and as thick as a cold bowl of grits; with an ass that made her look as if she was descended from a centaur. Her ass was absolutely perfect. As a matter of fact, I'm sure that the Assometer on Venus registered her derriere as at least a 99.8% Her father must have been an architect, there had to be a plan there. I'd often wondered just what Richard Pryor meant when he said that he once saw a girl so fine that he wanted to suck her daddy's dick. Now I guess I know. There was only one downside to the whole experience..........my wife saw the look and the lust in my eyes.

She saw what I was looking at; and rather than just let it go.....she's been giving me grief about it ever since. One of the things she said to me as we were leaving that theatre (among many things) was how she was so happy to date me back in the day because I never gave her that "pork chop" look. Yeah that was her by the way.

I must be getting careless in my old age. I absolutely hate getting cold busted!!!

Well if that house ain't for sale then take the sign down!!!

2010-09-15T21:25:00.024-04:00

It's an understatement to say that men and woman are different. But I think we'd all agree that we all deserve respect and our own space. We live in a land of freedoms and no matter how we dress or comport ourselves, I don't think it's too much to expect civility from the people around you. For instance, shouldn't this woman be allowed to lounge around on her deck dressed like this without having her neighbors taking pictures of her or go to Walmart without being stared at?!?

Shouldn't this woman be allowed to eat her lunch at work without her co-workers making her feel uncomfortable?!?

Shouldn't this woman be allowed to go to the mall and buy some shoes without having the shoe salesman stick his tongue out at her suggestingly?!?

Shouldn't this reporter be able to go to work and interview people without being disrespected?!?

Shouldn't this young woman be able to go out and about; even if it's cold and her nipples stick out like two Hershey's Kisses without getting any unwanted attention?!?

Shouldn't this woman be allowed to go to work and pick up a dollar here or there without any unwanted physical contact or comments about her anatomy?!?

Shouldn't this woman have a right to do her laundry without being openly lusted after by every man and woman in the laundromat?!?
Shouldn't this woman have a right to work out; while visions of cat women dance in her head, without having to see men look at her while touching themselves longingly?!?
Shouldn't this woman have a right to go to the beach without receiving cat calls or being ogled by every feminine flesh loving man or woman around?!? And shouldn't she be able to bend over and pick up the change that I just threw on the floor without causing every big booty loving man within sight to draw wood?!?
Shouldn't this woman be allowed to go to work and earn a living without having every man within two miles of her ask her for her phone number or try and ask her out?!?

Shouldn't this woman be allowed to go to the community pool in her neighborhood without being accosted and lusted after by every man there?!?

Shouldn't this author be able to write books and earn a living without being the victim of lewd comments?!?

Shouldn't this woman expect to be able to go to the grocery store and buy groceries for her family without having men........and women drool over her lustily?!?

But then again, my grandfather used to always say "if that house ain't for sale, then take the sign down".

My neighbors

2010-09-11T19:37:00.028-04:00

Over the years I've had some rather interesting neighbors; and even though I'm not the "chatty neighbor" type, I've gotten to know a few of them. Though I admit, most of what I know about them I assume, based on what I saw of them. Some of them had some rather distinctive personalities.

Ike & Tina Ike and Tina were my neighbors when I lived in Montgomery, Alabama as a college student. I had a bottom floor apartment with my friend Taurus; and Ike and Tina lived above us. Of course, Ike and Tina weren't their real names, that's what we called them. We didn't call them that because they could sing. We called them that because their relationship was about two extremes, fucking and fighting. If they weren't making loud (did I say loud, I meant really loud) passionate love, then they were screaming at each other or brawling like a couple of drunken sailors in a bar. I actually called the cops on them twice; and even though I know that their volatile relationship wasn't any of my business, I was afraid that he was going to kill her up there. They must have broken every chair and every plate and glass in that apartment at least twice over in the six months that I lived below them.
One thing about it though, Tina wasn't a little woman. She was at least twice his size and she looked like she could take him in about 4 seconds. Despite their loud lovemaking at times, their relationship used to depress me. In my mind, love just isn't supposed to be like that. I couldn't then and still can't imagine why two people that were supposed to love each other could so readily strike one another.

Romeo & Juliet
Romeo and Juliet were my neighbors when I lived in an apartment complex in Metairie, Louisiana. The interesting thing about this couple was that I never actually saw them. Their apartment and mine were side by side, but their entrance was on the other side of the building from mine. So no, I never actually met them. But I did know a few things about them. The headboard to their bed was apparently up against the same wall as mine. They seemed to spend most of their time screwing. I listened to them screw almost everyday and well into each night and they were quite vocal. They used to leave their window up at night and I could clearly hear their voices, both through that window and through the adjacent wall.
They were very much into communication where sex was concerned. Time and time again at all hours I would listen to him tell her what he wanted and she would tell him what she needed. It was a constant "lick this", "suck that", "I'm gonna put it in your...", "it's talking to you daddy", "stroke that", "put it in my....", "oh", "oh oh", "oh oh oh". I was happy to move from that apartment. It's like they were the test subjects of some experimental drug or something. They never stopped boning. After I moved, I could actually get some undisturbed sleep at night. If anyone is going to make noises that will resonate throughout my bedroom, I'd rather those noises were due to me.

Pat & Pat
When I lived in Maplewood, New Jersey there was a couple that lived next door that looked so much alike that it was uncanny. They were a man and woman, but they both had goatees and a unibrow. In my mind they were the same person, just different genders (I think). They were in their 40s and they'd been married for a couple of decades and they were childless. I never saw one without the other. They both worked for The Post Office.
They were constantly out in their front or back yard doing yard work. To be honest, they were an ugly couple. But you know what, I'll bet they'll stay married forever. You know that old saying, "beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is clean to the bone"?!? Well, whoever came up with that was probably talking about Pat and Pat.
Sweet Pete & Baby Hulk

When I first moved to South Carolina I spent 6 months living in an apartment, prior to moving into the house I live in now. My neighbors from across the hall were two rather large men. I initially thought that they were brothers, because to me they looked a lot alike. But after awhile I realized that they were a couple. They were very affectionate and usually when I saw them they were holding hands. I remember the smaller of the two telling me that his name was Pete one day. They must have worked out constantly because they were always in their gym attire.

One day while I was on my way out, I remember hearing Pete tell our young Latina neighbor what nice feet his baby had. He told her that she should get a man like his baby. She laughed at him and told him that his baby looked like the Hulk and that she needed a man that liked women.

John

John is actually my neighbor now. The difference in John and my other neighbors that I've discussed here is that John is actually his name. He's from Boston and he's got one of those unique thick Boston accents. John is a very nice man, he's always polite and very friendly.

Like me, he's constantly grilling something; however, our grilling styles are vastly different. He uses a gas grill, I use charcoal. When I grill I am meticulous about the preparation of my meat. I usually marinate it for at least a few hours, if not overnight. John usually walks right up to his grill with chicken or something else that's still in the plastic wrap from the grocery store and he'll just open it up and throw it right on the grill. It usually smells like he's cooking a dog when he does that. I've never seen him season the meat. He's a nice guy, but I wouldn't eat that shit for nothing in this world.

John also does something else that annoys the hell outta me. He's forever digging in his ass. He'll even dig in his ass as he speaks to me while he's grilling. I honestly don't know quite what to say to him when he does that. What does one say to anyone who is bold enough to casually dig for ass gold in front of them?!?

Tell me about your neighbors..............

Penis pumps and 'Coonskin caps

2010-09-04T19:01:00.029-04:00

Adolf Hitler ruined the little moustache for everyone. He was such an evil, cruel and despicable bastard; that no one wanted to be guilty by association by even slightly resembling Der Fuhrer. In my mind, that's a good thing; because to me the little moustache looks absolutely ridiculous. At the same time, I think that it's a tragedy that he wasn't sporting a toupee too, because I think that those look ridiculous as well.
How could anyone possibly look at that shag carpeting and actually believe for a second that it might be real?!? What's the point?!?

When I see these things I tend to chuckle to myself because you can see them coming a mile away. I used to work with this guy named Herb whose toupee was so unlifelike that it looked like it belonged on a Ken. The only thing that was really lifelike about it was that it was filled with dandruff. Of course, anyone with 20/20 vision could see that he had a pelt on his head. He might as well have been wearing a 'coonskin cap.

....and he might as well have worn a chin strap with it, because it looked this ridiculous. The funny thing about Herb though was that he was always smiling; as if he knew something that the rest of us didn't know.

Take Bob here, he's always smiling too. But don't think for a minute that he's smiling because he's packing more meat than Winn Dixie. He's smiling all the way to the bank, because he's got everybody convinced that by simply taking a little pill that you too can have a Mandingan man root. It's people like Bob and those idiots that are hawking these penis pumps that bring hope to men around the world that were given the short end of the stick at birth.

I honestly can't remember the last time that I signed into my email and didn't see at least one email where someone was telling me that they can increase the size of my penis. What even makes them think that I need a larger penis?!? Every time I sit down on a toilet now, I feel like I'm going fishing. Why the hell would I need a larger penis?!?

Of course, I feel sorry for the men that these products are targeted towards. They're forever spending money chasing that gigantic tubesteak dream.

Why else would any rational man honestly believe that they can increase the size of their penis by simply placing it in a tube and applying suction. If that were the case then half the teenage boys in the country would probably paralyze themselves trying to get their own heads between their legs.

I mean c'mon, who comes up with this stuff?!?

Glenn Beck--Professional Oxygen Thief

2010-08-30T21:05:00.013-04:00

For a moment, lets forget about the fact that the reason why our country is currently in the shitter economically is that we were subject to a supposedly "conservative agenda" from a supposedly conservative president who had a conservative congress for six consectutive years....yeah, let's forget about that. But how can we and why should we?!? Sometimes I wonder if some of my fellow Americans aren't stuck on stupid or just have short memories. Clearly GWB's eight years in office proved that cutting taxes for the wealthiest Americans and corporations and spending money like there is no tomorrow isn't the answer to our economic woes.

When I feel strongly about something, I try not to sugarcoat my descriptions about it, I believe in being direct. So before I go any further in this particular blog entry, I'd like to go on record as saying that I think that Glenn Beck is a complete oxygen thief. I guess I don't understand his appeal for the hundreds of thousands of people that would make plans to show up to hear him speak. Someone needs to tell him that "duh" isn't a verb. Personally, I don't care how many people took it upon themselves to plan a trip to listen to him speak....I already know he's not a particularly deep thinker.
I don't get it. Maybe my fellow Americans are hearing something that I haven't heard....but I don't think so. I make it a point to listen to Mr. Beck often; just like I listen to Rush Limbaugh, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham and Neal Boortz. Oh occasionally I'll listen to a couple of others, but these are the conservative talking heads that I normally listen to. I've been listening to some of them for several years; and Glenn Beck for a few years now and he's yet to say anything that would cause me to plan a trip across town, much less a trip to our nation's capital. Oh there are great sights to see in DC, but I can't think of a single reason to go just because his thick headed ass is there.
While I enjoy listening to him, I think he's a complete idiot. I find myself laughing at him on a regular basis. I'm surprised time and time again that a grown man would believe some of the things that he believes. I keep waiting to hear him say that he believes in The Tooth Fairy and Bigfoot too. To me, he's a female Sarah Palin, he's all sound bites and no substance. After all, this is the same Glenn Beck that said.....
***
"This president I think has exposed himself over and over again as a guy who has a deep-seated hatred for white people or the white culture....I'm not saying he doesn't like white people, I'm saying he has a problem. This guy is, I believe, a racist." –on President Obama, sparking an advertiser exodus from his FOX News show, July 28, 2009
***
"When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up' I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining." –"The Glenn Beck Program," Sept. 9, 2005
***
"The only [Katrina victims] we're seeing on television are the scumbags." –"The Glenn Beck Program," Sept. 9, 2005
***
"Al Gore's not going to be rounding up Jews and exterminating them. It is the same tactic, however. The goal is different. The goal is globalization...And you must silence all dissenting voices. That's what Hitler did. That's what Al Gore, the U.N., and everybody on the global warming bandwagon [are doing]." –"The Glenn Beck Program," May 1, 2007
***
"So here you have Barack Obama going in and spending the money on embryonic stem cell research. ... Eugenics. In case you don't know what Eugenics led us to: the Final Solution. A master race! A perfect person. ... The stuff that we are facing is absolutely frightening." –"The Glenn Beck Program," March 9, 2009
He seems to pull a lot of things straight outta his ass; facts just don't seem to matter to people like him. He's one of those people that needs to see who is involved before he forms an opinion. If you've been listening to him or you'd care to, let me sum up his personal beliefs regarding religion and politics. Jews are good and the chosen people, Christians are good, Muslims are bad, all Liberals hate America, all Democrats are misguided, all Conservatives are going to heaven and Barack Obama is a socialist and the anti-Christ.
For the life of me, I just don't understand why people take him seriously. He's an idiot. Glenn Beck is as dumb as a bag of hammers.

Hellwoman was probably sexting!!!

2010-08-22T19:48:00.014-04:00

I was on my way home from work Friday afternoon, in bumper to bumper traffic in the pouring rain; when I looked over into the car next to me and saw something that I must admit scared the shiznit outta me for a second or two. What I saw was an overly tanned Caucasian woman driving a BMW. She actually seemed to be more interested in staring into her cellphone, than driving her BMW. What actually scared me for a second or two was the fact that she was so tanned that she bore a startling resemblance to Hellboy.

I've never understood why some Caucasians like to tan themselves to the point where their skin starts to resemble the shell of a cooked lobster. That's just not a good look. Their skin starts looking like overly tanned leather; plus it looks like it would be totally uncomfortable.
I honestly don't know who would tell someone that this foolishness looks good. It looks absolutely horrid. It is not physically appealing in the least to me.
No...no...no, this just isn't a good look at all. Of course, at the same time, I'm an equal opportunity hater. I've never understood the concept of "Kool-Aid" colored hair on women of color. That's not a good look either. If you've dyed your hair a color that you might find in a packet of Kool-Aid; then in my humble opinion you've made a bad choice. That's not a good look. What do you say that we stick to natural colors?!? Is there a reason why women of color can't stick to different shades of brown and maybe black?!? Just in case you're wearing your hair like this;
for the record, you're not Storm and this isn't a sequel to X-Men.
But I digress, let's get back to Hellwoman.

Keep in mind, we're in rush hour bumper to bumper traffic and it's raining cats and dogs outside. Hellwoman is sitting in her car so focused on her cellphone that she's not keeping up with the traffic that is slowly moving in front of her. Occasionally Hellwoman will look up and move, but she's clearly not paying attention to traffic. I know this because we are side by side in two adjacent lanes headed northbound on Dorchester Road, moving forward........slowly.
It's bad enough that Hellwoman's not paying attention to traffic and her head is buried into her cellphone; but she's also laughing hysterically in her car, while she's looking at her phone. When she's not laughing, she's got this big shit eating grin on her face. I'm thinking she's probably over there sexting somebody.

I don't hate on Hellwoman for sexting mind you; after all, that's her business. As a matter of fact, I ain't mad at anyone for doing that, it is what it is. I just think that she should pay more attention to the road. .............and then it happens, she plows into the rear of the vehicle in front of her; and then she gets out of her BMW and starts yelling at the Latino man that gets out of the vehicle in front of her, as if it's his fault. Initially he seems calm and unmoved when he gets out of his vehicle, an Oldsmobile. But then he starts cursing her out and the next thing you know, he starts running away. Guess my Latino brother didn't have any insurance or maybe that wasn't actually his car?!?

Anyway, Hellwoman just watches him run away and stands there looking stupid in the rain. Don't people know how dangerous it is to be texting/sexting while you're driving?!?

He didn't even offer to buy me dinner first!!!

2010-08-16T19:26:00.010-04:00

I've never been what you would call the athletic type; and although I've always enjoyed getting a little exercise, I was never that guy that worked out religiously or got up every morning just to go running. When I was growing up I was always that tall skinny kid. When I say skinny, I was bone skinny. So skinny, in fact, that when I bent over I looked like a big ass L. When I graduated from high school I was 6'1 and I weighed a buck oh five soaking wet. I was so skinny that there were times when I tried to give blood but I was under the weight requirement, so I was turned away. I was well into my twenties when I finally broke 150 and I had to swallow raw eggs and drink boatloads of beer in order to gain that weight.

Fast forward twenty years later and a few things have changed. Although I've always been a regular at the dentist's office, during the last twenty years I've rarely gone to see a doctor. It's sad really, because I've had medical insurance throughout my life. Over the last few years, I'd picked up an extra pound or two. I'm in my 40s now and I'm at an age where it's important that I have a yearly physical exam.
Although I'd never been that guy that works out with wild abandon, I'd always tried to stay in shape. Over the last few years I've been successful too; after all, pear is a shape. No seriously, I figured as long as I could avoid getting man titties, I was fine. Laugh if you will, but there is nothing sexy about moobs. So last year when I went to my annual physical and my doctor looked at my chart with my urinalysis and blood work on it and just shook his head, I didn't know what to think. He said I was overweight and that my bad cholesterol was too high and my good cholesterol was too low. Last year I weighed 215 pounds and that's the most that I've ever weighed. He said that my blood sugar levels were high enough to justify putting me on medication immediately. Diabetes killed my father and his mother, my grandmother. I told my doctor that day that I would lose weight and strive to live a healthier life.

Today I went to my yearly physical; which was why I wrote today's blog post. Today's physical was far different from last year's. Today my blood sugar and cholesterol levels were well within the normal ranges. My doctor told me that my chart from last year and this year's charts look like they're from two completely different patients. I've lost 40 pounds since my last exam and I feel much better than I did last year. I may never have the body of an athlete, but I've made a commitment to myself to be healthier and continue to take better care of myself. I was walking an average of 20 miles a week after my physical last year. This year there have been days that I've walked 20 miles; and this year I've been walking at least 50 miles a week. The only downside to today's exam was what happened towards the very end. When I saw my doctor reach for the disposable glove and the lube.......words just can't express how disgusted I felt. He violated me plain and simple. Not only that, but he didn't even offer to buy me dinner first!!!

As God is my witness, if I live to be 100 I will never have moobs!!! As much as I enjoy the taste of ice cream and red meat and fried chicken, I refuse to end up with man titties!!!

Baking Babies and Elias the Israeli Ripper

2010-08-13T17:51:00.011-04:00

Today I was actually torn between writing about two completely different subjects; and since there are no real rules to blogging, I decided to blog about them both. Please feel free to comment on one or both; whichever tickles your fancy.

If I hear one more story about someone leaving their infant child in a car with the windows rolled up while they run into a store, I think the top of my head will blow off!!! What the hell is wrong with people?!? I wouldn't leave a dog; much less my own flesh and blood in a locked car in the middle of the summer time. That's both stuid and criminal!!! Where do these people come from that do this?!? Surely they see the same news reports that I see.......right?!?
Is it just me or does it seem like I see one or two stories like this every single summer?!? How stuck on stupid does a parent have to be to do something like this?!?
I'm sure that just about all of us have seen the story of Elias Abuelazam, the mysterious Israeli Christian Arab man that is accused of stabbing 18 men.

Well if you're not familiar with it, here's the story.

Elias Abuelazam, 33, has been accused in connection with killings in and around Flint, Michigan; which spread fear in the city for almost three months, as well as, non-fatal attacks with knives or a hammer as far away as Virginia and Ohio. Today he agreed to be transferred to Michigan from Georgia for trial.
The authorities said that he drove up to his victims, pretended to ask for directions or help with his car, then repeatedly stabbed them. One was bludgeoned with the hammer. All but two of the 18 targets were African American. One was Hispanic and one Caucasian. Among the victims were a 15-year-old boy out jogging and a 67- year-old man sitting on his doorstep.
Abuelazam, a Christian Arab, was arrested at Atlanta airport as he was waiting to board a flight to Tel Aviv. The Israeli press reported that his mother had sent him to the United States as a youth but that he returned regularly to his home town of Ramla, a mixed Jewish-Arab working-class town.

I'm thinking that this man came home after a long hard day at work one day to find his wife or girlfriend getting a ten inch injection of some chocolate tubesteak from the brother next door. What else would cause a man to go completely apeshit and start stabbing brothers left and right?!?

The Moose Knuckle

2010-08-08T08:37:00.008-04:00

Last night, just like Martin Luther King, I had a dream. The difference in my dream and his was that mine wasn't about freedom or justice or equality, my dream was about chicken wings and blue cheese dressing. This wasn't the first time that I've dreamt of food. Nor was it the first time that I've dreamt of food and found myself getting up out of the bed and going to the 24 hour Walmart around the corner from my house to buy the makings of whatever I dreamed about. Anyway as I was tooling around Walmart at 4am picking up chicken wings and hot sauce, I was confronted by a fairly hefty lady in some tight shiny pants that were a size or three too small for her gargantuan ass. For some reason she thought that I might be interested in giving her the good old Reggie workout. While I stood there with a look on my face that said "Really?!?"; I noticed that she had the largest moose knuckle that I've ever seen.
There is absolutely nothing sexy about a moose knuckle; and while I can't say that I've never taken the time to appreciate a nice camel toe, I draw the line at moose knuckles. Before you cry foul, I don't mind telling you that I have a good appreciation for a woman who might not necessarily be meeting her optimum body mass index size.........but c'mon!! I'd like to think that we'd all have the good taste to dress appropriately for our sizes.
I've certainly seen my share of eye catching camel toes. I guess camel toes are like women's shoes in that they're nice to look at but they never seem to look too comfortable.
I don't mind wearing a pair of snug fitting pants; but I don't want to wear anything tight enough to have the squirrels chasing me.

Symbol of heritage / Symbol of hate

2010-08-01T09:53:00.013-04:00

Perception is reality.

Friday on my way home from work, I stopped at a gas station to fill up on gas and pick up some lottery tickets. I needed the gas because I was damned near on E and I needed the lottery tickets because I'm sick and tired of working for a living. Anyway as I was walking out of the gas station another man in a suit was walking out too with a couple of twelve packs of beer in his hands. As he walked by me he dropped his keys. I bent over and picked them up and handed them back to him. I noticed the Steelers emblem on his key chain and told him that I'd do almost anything for a fellow Steelers fan. He laughed and we struck up a brief conversation as he put the beer on the front seat of his pickup truck. We spent a few minutes talking about the upcoming NFL season, Steelers glory from the past and Ben Roethlisberger. We both thought that Ben was an idiot. I've always been amazed how people with absolutely nothing in common can come together to discuss sports. Maybe that's what they need in the Middle East?!? Maybe they need college basketball and the NFL?!?

Anyway eventually we said our goodbyes and I walked to my car. He said something to me about not seeing a Steelers bumper sticker on my car; as if to say that I wasn't a serious fan. That's when I saw both his Steelers bumper sticker and the Confederate Battle Flag stickers all over the back of his truck. So I turned around and said "Nah I don't have any Steelers stickers or any Confederate Flag stickers". When I said that he made a face; and so I asked him why he had those ugly stickers on his truck. He stammered over his words at first and then he told me that his great great great great grandfather was a Confederate soldier who served as a sergeant in the Army of Northern Virginia. So I said, "so he served under Robert E. Lee?" He said yes and then he told me his ancestor's company, the brigade he served in and how his family still has some of the letters and his journal and almost all of his uniform from the war. He was proud and I respected that. I told him that when I see that flag, that I don't feel good about it; that to me, it's a symbol of treason and hate. He didn't necessarily agree with my thoughts on it. I have always been a student of history and he and I actually stood there and talked about our Civil War for about twenty minutes before we said our goodbyes and left. He was well versed in the history of our Civil War and I have the utmost respect for anyone who knows what the hell they're talking about concerning history and doesn't just pull stuff outta their asses.

So many times in the past I've engaged what I would call rednecks in conversation about our Civil War and I've usually found myself laughing at what they believe to be the facts of the war. To me, it's a crime and a shame to pretend to be knowledgeable about something or purport to support something that you know next to nothing about. I'm proud to say that I'm a southern man. I'm proud to say that my families roots in this country are centered in the south. I have farmers on both sides of my family. Men and women who tilled the soil to make a living. Family on both sides who loved living in the south. It's my south, my home too. I have many friends from different backgrounds and I'm not ever surprised to see a Confederate Flag on the back of a pickup truck. Hell, I'm not surprised to see Klansmen walking about in their Halloween costumes, seen them many times. I've seen them solicit donations on the side of the road; as if they were Boy Scouts or Firefighters. I live in South Carolina and there are more rednecks here than Van Camps has pork 'n beans. When I think of rednecks though, I generally think of a very ignorant person who is not particularly sophisticated. Rednecks aren't usually deep thinkers. They usually yell their arguments at you as if them screaming makes them right.

Even to this day, when I think of a redneck defending the southern stance of our Civil War; I compare that to a German defending Hitler and the Nazi cause. Anyway you look at it, the war was about slavery. All that nonsense about states rights, is just that, simple nonsense. Had the south won the Civil War, slavery would have continued in the south. Although I know that many of the people in the north weren't concerned about my ancestors in the least, their cause is one that I can identify with. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.......whether I like them or not.

The picture above is one of the few times that I've seen a Confederate Flag and not felt quite so bad about it. There is a store not that far from my house that actually sells Confederate paraphernalia, including these bikinis. I actually went in there once to look for something for myself.

I find this toilet paper comes in handy at times.

Spicing things up......FMF or MFM

2010-07-25T07:15:00.021-04:00

How far would you go to please your significant other?!? What would you do to spice up your relationship?!? Would you go so far as to bring someone else into your relationship for a little spirited boning?!?

It seems these days that more and more women are open to the idea of indulging in their man's ultimate sexual fantasies. Girlfriends and wives alike are opening their minds......and their legs to make those fantasies a reality.
Would your lover be able to forget the sight of you with another?!? Would you be able to forget the sight of your lover with another?!? While many men might be open to a FMF relationship; how many would be open to a MFM relationship?!?
It's been my experience that when you're in a relationship and you have female friends, that can cause friction with your significant other; particularly if those friends aren't her friends. So I can only imagine the possible friction that another sexual partner can cause in a relationship. Of course I've had a few online friends over the years that had open "swinging" relationships who swore by it. They said that it significantly spiced up their sex lives. But they did say that jealousy just doesn't have a place in their lifestyle. It's my personal belief though that most people just aren't wired to be able to forgive and forget such things.
Of course I'm not writing this as one with any experience in a FMF situation. I'd always meant to take care of that little fantasy in college, but that never came to be. But one wonders though, after the wall to wall boning is over; if you and your significant other can throw that skeleton bone in the closet and leave it there forever?!? Without you or them developing any pangs of jealousy or anger?!?

Something like this might spice up a relationship. But something like this might be the beginning of the end of your relationship as well. Be honest, have you ever participated in a FMF or MFM sexual encounter?!?